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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask the MN jury to help me and DP solve an argument? (warning trivial)

189 replies

woopdiedoo · 10/10/2012 18:00

DP came home from work and spotted a sweet wrapper left on the floor. It had been there since yesterday but I had forgotten to throw it away and hadn't been in that room today so didn't see it.

There is a rule that there is no eating in that room (his rule) but I sometimes let the DCs eat sweets, crisps in there.

We have just had a blazing row about it because he just left it there and told me to pick it up as I let the DCs eat in there and I'm at home all day anyway (SAHM with toddler) so should have dealt with it. I thought that he should because he'd seen it and even though I am a SAHM does not mean that I should do ALL housework and he should do none at all and I do not like being ordered to pick up rubbish as I am not a litter warden.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
MissVerinder · 10/10/2012 19:02

Your 13yo can keep his own room tidy!

I have 3 under 5 and my house is very tidy, because even though I'm a SAHM, and my DP works full time HE GIVES ME A HAND NOW AND THEN!

See that Mr. Whoopdie?! And I bet his job is way harder than yours.

Raspberryjam · 10/10/2012 19:06

HIBU . Does he do any household chores ? Does your DS do any ? Think it is time Sergeant Woopiedoo made an appearance- draw up a chart of all household things needing doing on what days - then decide who can do them on what days . That way your DS hopefully won't develop a bad attitude and might have some understanding in future.
Having a room where the kids don't drop crumbs make a mess is not a bad idea- so is he more upset at the idea that the room could get messy rather than about the sweet wrapper ?-but the way he said it was wrong
Agree with others too - only real way to show him how much u do is to go away for a couple of days and leave him to it . .

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/10/2012 19:08

I think that sounds about right. What you do with your leisure time is your business. Is he sad about MN because he wants to spend time with you (HINBU) or because you could be doing more housework in the evenings (HIBU)?

DH and I both WOH and we share but when I was at home I did about what you do except washing up and folding laundry. I did any washing up that DD and I created in the day but DH washed up everything else. He also cleaned with me and folded laundry on the weekend. He also does all the rubbish and recycling. I do all the cooking.

He handles multi-million pound contracts BTW. And, is a big, manly, scary, hairy, blokey man. I love him Grin

zukiecat · 10/10/2012 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

phantomnamechanger · 10/10/2012 19:11

He doesn't realise that when you tidy up, as fast as you've done one bit the DC undo it. That you cannot keep a family bathroom free of toothpaste, bits of loo roll, splashes, discarded toys etc for more than half a day. That your plan to hoover all the bedrooms might go to pot because the DC is feeling unwell and clingy and wants lots of attention, that a spilt drink needing a change of clothes for LO and a wash of the kitchen floor means the plan to tidy a room gets put aside, or you've lost the prep time for dinner and resort to something out of the freezer instead. That when the DC come in from school and dump shoes, coats and schoolbags, they immediately make the house look a mess no matter how much you tidied while they were out.

He needs to appreciate what you DO all day, every day, and not pick out the bits he thinks you SHOULD have done.

digerd · 10/10/2012 19:14

MrsTerriPratchett. Well, lucky you and good luck to you !!!

zukiecat · 10/10/2012 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecateLarpo · 10/10/2012 19:17

It's all the time you spend doing stuff that is for the family. So that's housework, cooking, playing with the children, running round after them, etc, but not time you spend on mumsnet Grin But remember that the working week for you - as it does for him! - includes a lunch break, coffee break and time spent at your desk chatting with your colleague!

If he claims that his working day includes NO time having a cup of coffee. NO time chatting about the football scores with his colleague. NO time having a sneaky check of his email, etc - he's either got the most strict company in the world or he's lying! Grin

He wants to prove that he works harder than you? Who gets up in the night? Who relaxes at the weekend? Who relaxes in the evening? If the children want something at 7pm, who deals with that? If all he does is his paid employment and everything else is done by you then instead of having a go at you, he should be getting down on his knees and thanking you.

Or. Instead of making it a competition, he could try seeing that you're a team and work together to make sure that everything gets done, everyone does their fair share and everyone gets equal leisure time.

GreenEggsAndNichts · 10/10/2012 19:21

Are the two of you just trying to wind everyone up?

Honestly, why keep asking? He won't listen to us; we're idiots, females who obviously hate men and shouldn't have opinions which deviate from his own. So you're just asking to.. see us agree with you? And to watch him disagree with us?

He's a cock, he sounds useless, and I've no idea how you can put up with someone who clearly thinks so little of you and what you contribute to your household.

"He won't let me" "He won't let us" etc, by the way, is just shocking. Are there things you don't "let" him do? Or are these all one-sided dictations?

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 10/10/2012 19:25

Yours hours are probably from the minute you get up til the minute you stop doing chores in the evening. Also include time you are up with the kids in the night.

Mine are from 7 until 9 or 10 depending. So i do 14 to 15 hour days during the week.

QuietNinjaTardis · 10/10/2012 19:26

Phantom I'm glad you posted that cos there's no way I could have found it myself. Op your dh sounds like a dick. Hth

JoshLyman · 10/10/2012 19:27

Weeeelllll, I'm going to be the unpopular one here because I would say as the one at home, the bulk of the housework should fall to you. Obviously with a toddler you can't be cleaning the windows or polishing the silver all day but a basic hoover, whip round the bathroom and general tidy once a week shouldn't be difficult.

However that doesn't mean he shouldn't pitch in with cooking, childcare and tidying at weekends and certainly doesn't mean he can't fucking pick a wrapper up off the floor.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 10/10/2012 19:32

When we had DS, DH would sometimes wonder "what I did".

As soon as it was reasonably feasible, and I felt ok about it, I went off to see friends overnight, I was away about 30 hours in total. Ds was around 10 months, crawling not walking.

When I got back, I am not sure who of the 2 of them was the most pleased to see me, and he never said anything like that again.

Your H is a controlling, bullying, nasty, sexist arse, who needs time alone with the kids to realise what it involves.

catgirl1976 · 10/10/2012 19:34

My DH thinks your husband is a knob, an embarassment to other men and probably trying to assert his authority over sweet wrappers at home as he cannot command any in any other walk of life and has a small penis

Just in case he pulled the "women will say that as they are all lezzers and hate men card"

HecateLarpo · 10/10/2012 19:43

OP, I hope you are ok. I notice you have disappeared and I hope this is not because he has become cross with you, or has decided you can't post any more, or anything like that.

Nagoo · 10/10/2012 19:46

Agree that a 13YOs room is his own problem. I doubt that you went in there scattering his possessions and leaving crap all over the place.

TheCrackFox · 10/10/2012 19:49

Why didn't he get one of the kids to pick up the wrapper?

He is a tool.

aldiwhore · 10/10/2012 20:07

Don't usually do this... leave the bastard.

That was DH's first comment suggestion ever on MN, he heard me growling.

HorraceTheOtter · 10/10/2012 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 10/10/2012 20:27

Worried about OP now, please let us know you are ok.

TheOneWithTheHair · 10/10/2012 20:27

I must admit to being a bit worried about Whoopdiedoo aswell. Hope you're ok.

ScrambledSmegsEvilTwin · 10/10/2012 20:38

I have asked DH for his opinion, as clearly I cannot offer a relevant viewpoint due to being a woman.

DH says your husband sounds like a dick, OP. He also said that there is no way he will ever accept that he's in the wrong about this or anything else, as he is "one of those blokes". I think I know what he means.

Hope you're ok, Whoopiedoo.

GreenEggsAndNichts · 10/10/2012 20:44

whoopdidoo your DP's controlling attitude combined with your disappearance from this thread have me concerned, as well. :(

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 10/10/2012 20:54

I was a SAHM for 10 years

My DH never told me what to do or told me what the rules were
He once or twice got mildly exasperated when there was no milk in the house
He used to take over and do bath and bed when he got home (if home on time)
He cooked at the weekends, and at least once during the week
I had the morning or day to myself every Saturday
I went away on my own several times for the weekend
He took the oldest to playgroup when the younger one was a baby

I will think a bit more and come back

twooter · 10/10/2012 21:00

I guess he also writes " dust me" on the surfaces as well??

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