Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask the MN jury to help me and DP solve an argument? (warning trivial)

189 replies

woopdiedoo · 10/10/2012 18:00

DP came home from work and spotted a sweet wrapper left on the floor. It had been there since yesterday but I had forgotten to throw it away and hadn't been in that room today so didn't see it.

There is a rule that there is no eating in that room (his rule) but I sometimes let the DCs eat sweets, crisps in there.

We have just had a blazing row about it because he just left it there and told me to pick it up as I let the DCs eat in there and I'm at home all day anyway (SAHM with toddler) so should have dealt with it. I thought that he should because he'd seen it and even though I am a SAHM does not mean that I should do ALL housework and he should do none at all and I do not like being ordered to pick up rubbish as I am not a litter warden.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
HecateLarpo · 10/10/2012 18:39

Lovely.

Shall I give you my paypal details or would he like to write me a cheque?

You want to know how I knew this?

Because there is a certain type of man who will always come out with that sort of stuff and I think your husband - from what is typed here and bearing in mind HE is the one who is controlling what has been put on here - is one.

He will now dismiss the whole thread and call us names.

WednesdayNext · 10/10/2012 18:39

He "won't let you" give your side? That's ridiculous. He is being a bully.

You have bigger problems than a messy house, if your house even is messy.

And your son is old enough to clean up after himself in his own room. If he's embarrassed to have friends in there, then he should do something about it.

woopdiedoo · 10/10/2012 18:40

Pretty much what Hecate said. And if you came to see the house you would see his point. I should take pictures and post so you can see. He said he might post his own AIBU on dadsnet. Don't know if they'll agree with him or not.

OP posts:
LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 10/10/2012 18:40

Leave the bastard.
the house will be nice and tidy for him all the time then.

Phineyj · 10/10/2012 18:40

What is/was his mother's attitude to housework?

naturalbaby · 10/10/2012 18:41

If he thinks you are being unreasonable then tell him to swap places with you for the day and he can see what it's like to look after a toddler all day and do all the housework. The child should be the priority, not the housework - although obviously there is a balance as certain things need to be kept clean and clear from clutter/mess/dirt.
You are a stay at home parent not a stay at home cleaner.

woopdiedoo · 10/10/2012 18:41

Yes, we do make my so do his own room. I did it once a few months ago and said he could keep it like that. Was the same after a week. Won't do it again.

OP posts:
pictish · 10/10/2012 18:42

Yes...we will be manhating lesbians, bitches, lazy cows and all sorts no doubt. And we'll be talking shit too.

All hail King Dick.

woopdiedoo · 10/10/2012 18:43

I have tried telling him that DD is the priority. He thinks I should get the house done first then play with her. I don't know what his mothers house standards are like. His sister keeps hers immaculate though.

OP posts:
HecateLarpo · 10/10/2012 18:45

Why does he want to get people on the internet to agree with him? What does he think that will achieve?

Post pictures. why the hell not. I don't disbelieve that the house is a tip Grin that's not the problem. A house can get cleaned and tidied. When you have someone who is saying the sort of things your husband is saying, that's the problem.

You're supposed to be a team. He's acting like your superior officer.

Add up your working weeks. Write down everything you do.

and then tell him to stick it where the sun don't shine.

If his working week is more hours than yours, I will run down oxford street stark naked with a rose up my arse.

The issue here is how much what you do do is valued by him.

BadgersGhostlyRetreatWoo · 10/10/2012 18:45

he'd have had that sweet wrapper served up in his fucking dinner if he was mine.

HecateLarpo · 10/10/2012 18:47

nah. You can't settle into a few hours of housework when you have a toddler. It doesn't work that way.

You can entertain them, do the hoovering, entertain them, get a load of washing on, entertain them, do some polishing, entertain them, do the dishes...but you can't put a toddler on hold while you clean the house and do the other chores and the fact a grown man doesn't understand how toddlers work makes me piss myself laughing.

nocake · 10/10/2012 18:47

Just to add some balance... I'm a bloke and I think your husband is a controlling twat. If I behaved that badly my DW would, justifiably, rip my head off before arranging a day out with her girlfriends at a spa leaving me at home to look after our toddler.

Whistlingwaves · 10/10/2012 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/10/2012 18:49

I suggest you get yourself over to relationships, write your own thread with everything set out honestly and in your own words and heed what those lovely women tell you.

I know he thinks we're wrong... he would. However, do the housework first is a great idea. Get him to do a couple of hours while you stand next to him and scream "AAAAAAAAFRUYGDUYGKHUSDVKDUGUYDGKUYGD" in his ear for the whole time. That would be what you would listen to if you tried to clean the whole house and ignore the kid.

pictish · 10/10/2012 18:49

Yes...that's a lovely idea he has there. He should write a story all about it, then roll it up and insert in his rectum while trumpeting 'Dream On Dreamer' through it.

Hahahahaaa!! This guy knows nothing. Nothing! Grin

WankbadgersBreakfast · 10/10/2012 18:50

Your husband is a plebeian, philistine cockgobbler with shit for brains.

Mr woopdiedoo, man up. Shut the fuck up, pull your arse out of the fifties and read these words: toddlers do not follow your schedule. You are a dick. Your wife is not a cleaner, she is a mother.

Ugh, I'm disgusted. Really, really disgusted.

Whistlingwaves · 10/10/2012 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecateLarpo · 10/10/2012 18:50

oh, and in response to his assertion that someone like me is only saying this because I'm a lazy SAHM who does nothing (I'm guessing here, am I right? Grin ) I am the mother of a 12 yr old and a 13 yr old with autism, I run my own business and my house is very tidy.

and I think he's being controlling and mean and unrealistic.

digerd · 10/10/2012 18:51

My german mother-in-law did everything herself with no help from her husband, other than disciplining and organising the 13 kids, and was so proud of herself at finishing the weeding and hoeing of their veg. patch by 5.30am before getting the kids off to school, then washing and ironing, baking, cooking and housework - she loved it and most hausfraus were the same. I do think that your husband does a splendid job working for 10 hours a day, but his attitude to you leaves a lot to be desired. He should not be so chauvanistic and so long as your house is not really a right mess, which I cannot approve of, he should be tolerant, and not have made a scene about the sweet wrapper as OTT. If what both of you have said is true, then both of you need to compromise . Your 13 year-old son should not be brought up to think it is right to speak to his wife/partner/mother of his children in that awful manner !!!

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/10/2012 18:54

Did he do any housework before kids? Because I worked long hours before kids and did housework, I still do long hours and do housework. My DH did long hours and did housework, when I was off with DD he did long hours and housework, now he does long hours and housework. Why does reproducing suddenly make some men incapable of anything but out of the home work?

phantomnamechanger · 10/10/2012 18:58

OP - please show your husband this story

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife?s car was open, as was the front door to the house.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, ?What happened here today??

She again smiled and answered, ?You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world I did today??

?Yes? was his incredulous reply.

She answered, ?Well, today I didn?t do it.?

picnicbasketcase · 10/10/2012 18:58

Tell him to fuck off and stay with his sister then.

woopdiedoo · 10/10/2012 19:01

Just to clarify. These 10 comparable hours - is that all housework or should it include childcare?

I also volunteer twice a week.

Everyday I get the DCs ready for school (we have 3)
I do the washing
I look after the youngest
I make the evening meal everyday
I load/unload the dishwasher
I will have a general tidy up downstairs

He also thinks I spend too much time on here and FB til 10 at night Hmm
Is that reasonable? He thinks you wil agree that I should because you all do too.

OP posts:
JustFabulous · 10/10/2012 19:02

Please don't have any more children with this idiot who thinks housework is more important than spending time with the baby.

Swipe left for the next trending thread