to feel that most people feel it is OK to make nasty comments/ridicule an overweight/fat person'?

[SoleSource]

AIBU?

I'm a size 12, BMI about 23. Last week, when i was walking along with my baby, a drunk (at 9am!) very fat man called me a fat cunt.

I think some arseholes just use the term as another abusive word, without necessarily thinking about someone's body shape.

People just seem to think they have some sort of right to comment on others weight, or what they are eating etc etc. I have a history of eating disorders, and so I am hyper aware of my weight, what I'm eating etc. When I was underweight (not emaciated, but BMI 17/18) everyone seemed to think they had a right to tell me I looked too thin, should go and eat, and so on. I hated it, and always thought that it was strange that is is somehow more acceptable to tell someone they are too thin and should fatten up a bit than it is to tell someone they are too fat and should lose some weight. I know that the people who were saying things to me would never have been so rude as to say that to someone overweight, but if you are underweight everyone just thinks that it is their right to comment.

As you gain weight you then get countless comments about 'how well' or how much better you're looking. With these, I know people mean well, but it's incredibly hard to hear, and virtually everyone with eating issues will take it to mean how much fatter. I know that isn't what is being said, but it is what the listener hears. I just didn't want anyone to comment on my weight, and I expect it is similar for a lot of overweight people with eating issues when they are losing weight - you just don't anyone to say anything, even if it is well meaning, because you don't want to be noticed.

What really, really winds me up though, and I think is just rude, is when you are waiting to buy something (say a chocolate bar or cake or something) and someone says something along the lines of 'Oooh, you'll get fat if you eat things like that!' and then laugh. Tends to be older men who say things like that, and it is just offensive to be honest. It is not your business what I buy, eat, or weigh! And ironically I still got comments like that when everyone else was telling me I was too thin and needed to eat more

In the past month I have had someone shout at me in the street calling me a fat cow and repeatedly shouting to me that I am "fucking fat". I have also had 2 people online ask me "who ate all the pies" and that I am a "fat cunt".

:(

Arseholes.

I hate peple complimenting me about weight loss. I know it is matural and people do think the dieyer always ecpects it. Also the ooh do not lose anymore comments, just means you might get slimmer tban they or because you are doing well they feel.guilty. I really wish people would mind tjeir own business and not say a thing, whether I am huge one year and slin the next. Just butt out nosey.

I'm glad to see the tone of this thread has changed (I stopped reading about halfway down page 2) because YANBU, Sole. Having been thin, fat, fit & floppy in all permutations, I am constantly pissed off by the fact that everybody and his wife feels entitled to remark on other people's bodies - particularly women's. They never seem to get it, either, when you ask them not to do that. It's every bit as personal as if I said "Oooh! Aren't you thick?" or "What a squeaky little voice you have!" but, somehow, the size and shape of my body is considered fair game As everybody says, the media do it non-stop so I guess isiots think that makes it OK.

It doesn't happen so often now I'm older. Now they comment on whether I look good "for my age" or should be wearing that "at my age"

On the flip side, I have a friend who was really naturally thin. I have lost count of the number of times people have said she looks anorexic or told h to eat more - totally disgusting of them. No, it's no right to make comments about weight - Ever.

Comments about people's appearence, really stink.

At least once a week I am shouted at by passing motorists. Usually its "Fatty!" but sometimes I get a bitch or a cunt too. I once even had rubbish thrown at me. I don't usually retaliate other than flicking them the 'V's but I have reacted when my kids have been with me and they hear the insult.

That's awful FreePeaceSweet. I'm a size 18 and don't really get any comments, but then i think where i live it is not uncommon for a woman in their 40s to be overweight, so i don't stand out so much as i would if I was a bit younger or if i lived somewhere where most people were slim.

Thanks Quadrangle. I'm now a 26 (was a 32) but going cold turkey on fizzy drinks and not eating after 6pm has helped shift the weight alone. I'm dropping a dress size a month and I feel so much better in myself.
Last week I went to the chippy to pick up my elderly neighbours lunch and was abused by passing lads from the local college. I'm going to start wearing my earphones and listening to loud music in future. If I don't hear it then it can't affect me. :)
It matters not a jot why someone is fat (or looks a way you don't approve of). Its no ones business. How dare a stranger judge me. Nobody has the right to treat me like I don't matter. I once confronted a group of 5 lads in a car for abusing me. I nearly got arrested for denting the door. They refused to admit or even apologise for calling me a 'Fat Twat' in front of my 4yo ds and I got mad. That was the last time I allowed myself to sink to such depths. My children don't deserve that and neither do I. I'm a human being. I have as much right to exist as the next person. If you don't like me then ignore me. It really makes no odds to me. The minute you abuse somebody for looking different they instantly become superior to you.

I have been shouted at by pissed up, smoking and not very slender people in the past. The irony has never been lost upon me. :o

I meant to tell this thread about an FB status the other day :)

It was from a misogynistic 'legacy' friend of mine - male - whose updates usually get lots of gushy approval. A few nights ago, he posted a picture of an older woman in a clothes shop, with a comment about lamb and mutton. Only two people replied: both men, and both telling him off for being a twat The message is getting through!!!

I am not overweight, I do however have a rather large feature and have had fair amount of rude (?) comments about that. Have you noticed how it''s only ever really ugly people that comment anyway? (I don't know if in their head they think they are all that)

FreePeaceSweet It sounds like you are doing fantastically with the weight loss. Well done. I wish i could get up the same motivation! I think eating is so often linked to our emotions. I had actually never been more than a size 12 until my 30s but then put on 4 stone when i had my daughters and did find looking after a baby and toddler quite difficult as the baby was a terrible sleeper and massively high needs compared to how my elder dd had been. So I think I ate cake just to get through the day! They are so much easier now and i am no longer putting on weight, but it will be tough to lose that 4 stone i think!

PS. It's appalling that people are so rude to you. They must be the lowest of the low.

The amount of abuse on here is awful. I can't believe people do that. Although, it seems this is emphasized by the media too. This article just floored me www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2214669/Nearly-40-married-living-mother-The-sad-life-Monica-Lewinsky-White-House-intern-brought-President-Clinton.html. According to this, Monica Lewinsky is a failure for not being married, for having no kids and for being overweight. The sexism regarding the whole coverage of her affair with Bill Clinton has always got my back up. Apologies for going slightly off topic but I think the media have a lot to answer for.

Stop reading the Daily Mail. I know it's a Mumsnet cliche but if any news media is designed to make a woman feel like shit, it's the Daily Mail. I think the paper normalises nastiness.

Sorry. Read the thread upside down. Thought the first post was the DM one.

im a natural skinny and people walk up to me and say i hate you for been skinny, i dont do that to overwheight people so it dosent matter wether you are fat, thin, tall, short, wear glasses, have red, blonde or brunette hair there is always someone who wants to make you feel bad about being you and it i s usually thier own insecurities that brings this out,

YNBU

People who do are ignorant and should pay more attention to their own personal fails imo

I've also been both v thin and v fat. I found the difference was that as a thin person, friends and family constantly commented on my weight but strangers said nothing; as a fat person it's the other way round: friends and family won't say a word but complete strangers will make jokes/nasty comments. Of course now I'm pregnant I'm fair game for friends, family and strangers to comment constantly on my figure...

I think if you have a weight issue, you become hypersensitive to people commenting on other people's weight so I really notice that kind of thing - fat cow, skinny bitch etc. So I'd agree that ime most people do comment on weight, even if they don't realise it.

In my experience, it's only people who have had their own weight problems that make these comments.

My DH used to do it (before I knocked it out of him) and I could tell that his comments were more of a reflection of how he felt about himself, as he used to be very overweight, and even though he has been a healthy weight for years, the thought of getting fat again scares him.

One of my closest friends is very overweight, and she only ever gets negative comments from other big girls. Usually big girls seem to want her to be in some kind of fat category, they don't seem to like the fact that she looks amazing and attracts a lot of positive male attention. Its very odd. After witnessing this on many occasions, I do honestly believe that the only people that make negative comments about other people's appearances are people who are unhappy with the way they look.

YANBU. I've been slim and overweight.

I've found strangers treat you better if you're slim, whereas if you're larger they're likely to be more impatient or unfriendly towards you, they glaze over instead of smiling and looking you in the eye etc.

I think people do think it's okay to ridicule fat people. Whether they'd do it out loud to their face is another matter.

My sister was of a large build, and throughout my childhood, and even now, her family nickname has been "fatty". She says she doesn't mind and laughs about her large frame, but it has always been seen as an acceptable joke in our family. Personally, I think my Mum failed at raising us girls in the family. The boys were always the golden boys, with no flaws. I had, throughout puberty, acne and have always had big eyes which were also ridiculed by the family. It's funny how my brothers are now rich and successful, and us sisters are not.

Gone off on a tangent there, but yes, people do ridicule flaws like body weight and it can affect a person's confidence and life.