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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be concerned about this (re:DD2 and reasonable noise)??

156 replies

matchpoint · 08/10/2012 18:53

My DD2 started in Reception last month. She is really enjoying herself so far and I am really pleased.

However, in her class, there is a little girl who has a tube in her neck which is attached to a breathing machine, whihc is quite noisy (no idea why, none of my business I suppose). There are two full time members of staff who work with this child.
My DD2 has consistently complained that the noise from the breathing machine is "annoying" and she "doesn't like it". So far, I have (nicely!) told her to get over it, but I am starting to get concerned about the effect this may have on her education.

WIBU to go to the teacher about this, and ask for some kind of solution? I'm not asking for this little girl to go be educated in a shed far away from other children. I am concerned, however, about the effect of this constant low-level noise on my DD2 who does deserve to be educated too.

First post here, I'm slightly at a loss here, and could do with some MN advice!

OP posts:
Runningblue · 08/10/2012 20:30

Hello op, I think this is a classic example of how your dd reacts to something in life, or has a viewpoint, has a relation to the way in which you react to it.

The same scenario with my dc

You might not like it dc but just imagine not being able to breathe unless you have a machine. Imagine how hard it must be for the little girl to live with that noise all the time, day or night. Just imagine having to sleep with the noise of the machine.

Etc etc

From the sounds of your post, I just have this hunch you might be just absorbing her naive reception class aged comments rather than challenging them or getting her to be a more considerate person in the process?

fuckwittery · 08/10/2012 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iatemyskinnyperson · 08/10/2012 20:33

She's in reception FFS. Not doing her finals at Oxbridge. Have a good root around and try to find a) common sense and b) compassion. An accident of genetics or illness and that little girl could be your daughter.

whathasthecatdonenow · 08/10/2012 20:35

Wow, as a teacher I have to say if a parent complained about the noise from a piece of equipment that was keeping a child alive I think I would stand there Shock.

I'm afraid your DD will have to learn to cope with background noise. Even when my classroom is silent there is noise from PE outside, the grass being cut, the dance studio, DVD next door, someone kicking off on the corridor etc.

marbleslost · 08/10/2012 20:38

This is reminding me of a dc who kept telling my 4 year old to take her glasses off as they "made her look so stupid" but which she was unable to see without.

They are not too young to have these things explained to them.

UltraBOF · 08/10/2012 20:40

I presume from your title that you realise this is "reasonable noise", so all you can do is explain why it's there and teach her some empathy for the other child. I can't see that it is likely to affect her education- reception classes are noisy anyway- so there's not much to say to the teacher.

In my albeit limited experience, having a child with obvious additional needs in a classroom, over time, can teach the other children something very valuable about sensitivity and understanding, and I have noticed that the year groups teachers in secondary schools tend to really enjoy are the ones who have learned these things through primary: I've heard staff comment on it quite a few times.

So I think you are worrying unnecessarily, really.

onceortwice · 08/10/2012 20:42

Matchpoint - have you considered a private school? This would give you more control of the enviroment and also smaller (quieter) classes.

I do have a degree of sympathy with you. My DS has ASD (but no statement, so no extra support) and I know he is disruptive in class. I am sure you aren't the only parent on the face of the planet who has asked a similar question... I am sure several parents in my DS's class have questioned his behaviour / noise levels / ability to concentrate etc)

The classes are manic. 30 kids. One teacher. One TA. Mental.

I chose to send my DD to a private prep where there is more support and fewer pupils (they currently won't take my DS)

Just an idea.

pictish · 08/10/2012 20:43

The OP has left the building.

Whitecherry · 08/10/2012 20:49

Funny that!

pigletmania · 08/10/2012 20:51

Yabvu what do you expect the school do about it, have her in a separate room because your precious dd does not like the noise, really op don't be silly. In time your dd will get used to it

cansu · 08/10/2012 20:54

I think this is an ideal opportunity to teach your dd about. Being tolerant and compassionate in the way that other posters have suggested. Yes she finds it annoying because she is 4 and has lots of social and emotional skills to develop. You as an adult can help her by explaining that the machine is very important for the little girl and that she needs to accept that some children need more help than others. My dd who has ASD and is obviously quite different is in mainstream school. Many parents have told me how they think my daughters presence has helped their dc to develop their social and emotional skills as they have learnt to accept her differences and have been happy to help her fit in. Please accept tis as a golden opportunity for your dd.

Bobyan · 08/10/2012 20:55

First post OP?

UltraBOF · 08/10/2012 20:56

Cansu, yy, that's what I meant.

CaseyShraeger · 08/10/2012 21:00

I didn't get "distressed" from the OP, sgb. I did get that the DD was "really enjoying herself" but complaining, but it's a bit of a reach from that to "distressed", especially as OP doesn't say "I am concerned that she is really very unhappy" or "I'm concerned that she really isn't coping well emotionally" or anything else that would indicate actual distress in the 4yo. Instead she says "I am starting to get concerned about the effect this may have on her education." If the DD were as distressed as you are painting her that would be a bloody odd thing for a parent to specify as her chief concern.

MogTheForgetfulCat · 08/10/2012 21:05

I agree - sounds more like "peeved" than "distressed". The main crux for the OP doesn't seem to be her DD's emotional wellbeing, but her own (baffling) concerns about a possible effect on her DD's education.

TandB · 08/10/2012 21:17

I personally would have responded very differently to an OP that said "My 4 year-old is irrationally distressed by the sound of another child's ventilator. What do I do to help her?"

But what I was actually responding to was an OP that said "My 4 year-old is annoyed by the sound of another child's ventilator and I am concerned about her education."

And in either scenario I would expect an acknowledgement from the parent that the child will need to be helped to reach an understanding of the other child's right to be in that classroom, rather than a question about whether she should approach the school.

I really hope there isn't someone reading this thread and thinking "I wonder if that is my 4 year-old? I wonder if all the other children hate her?"

GhostofMammaTJ · 08/10/2012 21:26

A reasonable OP, to which I will give a reasonable answer.

My friends DD has a feeding tube and some of the children find that disturbing. That is not to say the children are wrong, or that my friend is wrong to allow her to go school with it. It is to say the children need educating and supporting to get through it.

Your DC needs help and suport to get though a similar issue. Ask the school for this, they should provide it, if asked for in a reasonable manner. If your DC needs this help, then so do others probably.

ventilatormum · 08/10/2012 21:26

kung fu i agree, I do hope not. we have bent over backwards to explain dd's condition to her classmates, going in, explaining the equipment, when she was little letting every one practise on a teddy bear with a hole in its neck, and so on. All the kids get it so quickly, but probably there are parents who don't like the fuss; all i can say is, with a statement, as my dd has and the little girl OP refers to, I hope no extra teacher time is taken up by my dd, so everyone can learn. tbh the only time I even notice the vent is at the theatre when I try to get us put a long way from the other punters.
once the tube popped out from the machine at the cinema and one bloke rushed up holding his mobile so I could see to put it back. i have met no one who has not been fantastic to my dd so i fervently hope op will think again.

SadPanda · 08/10/2012 21:42

once the tube popped out from the machine at the cinema and one bloke rushed up holding his mobile so I could see to put it back

That bit made SadPanda cry. Don't know why. :(

ventilatormum · 08/10/2012 21:50

don't cry sad panda, or I will too and that will never do. Must admit I now leave my mobile on, on silent, at the cinema just in case.

CupsofTeaAndHandfulsOfCake · 08/10/2012 21:54

OP why don't you and your 4 year old watch the paralympics (on you tube or catch up tv)
You could use it as an example to explain how people that are disabled in one way are very strong in another way and the girl who has the ventilator needs to go to school to learn, the same as everyone else in the classroom does, so she can have the chance to achieve great things when she is older.

Don't have this girl moved away or pushed into a corner.

I also don't understand how this classroom seems to be full of quiet children, quiet enough to hear the ventilator? I have had four 4 year old children and not one of them was quiet at that age!

maddening · 08/10/2012 22:15

Do you think your dd might be a bit hypersensitive to this noise? It can't be that loud as the people who use the equipment have to live with it 24/7

maddening · 08/10/2012 22:17

Also - of your dd sits next to the little girl could they just pop your dd on another table?

Sneepy · 08/10/2012 22:49

I really don't think the OP was saying the child should be moved from the class or the ventilator turned off! I do find that people with no experience of sensory issues simply can't understand how disruptive some noises can be. I could easily hear a low, repetitive noise over the chaos of a reception class room. Mixed with the classroom noise, it would send me over the edge and leave me biting my nails and obsessively playing chuzzle on my phone. It wouldn't matter if it was a ventilator or a metronome or ambient music, it is impossible to tune out and I would not get used to it. Other white noise or ear defenders would help, or listening to my own music on headphones.

OP, talk to your DD, find out what the root of the issue is--is she scared as others have suggested or is she unable to tune it out as the other children do?

cansu · 08/10/2012 23:08

Even if the noise is bothering the op daughter. It is a vital machine and there is no alternative. children move around in a reception class and make loads of noise. the Op daughter will have to get used to it. It would be easier for her to get used to if the op helps her daughter understand the other little girls needs, rather than pondering on the possible long term implications of being bothered by the noise.