AIBU to be concerned about this (re:DD2 and reasonable noise)??

[matchpoint]

My DD2 started in Reception last month. She is really enjoying herself so far and I am really pleased.

However, in her class, there is a little girl who has a tube in her neck which is attached to a breathing machine, whihc is quite noisy (no idea why, none of my business I suppose). There are two full time members of staff who work with this child.
My DD2 has consistently complained that the noise from the breathing machine is "annoying" and she "doesn't like it". So far, I have (nicely!) told her to get over it, but I am starting to get concerned about the effect this may have on her education.

WIBU to go to the teacher about this, and ask for some kind of solution? I'm not asking for this little girl to go be educated in a shed far away from other children. I am concerned, however, about the effect of this constant low-level noise on my DD2 who does deserve to be educated too.

First post here, I'm slightly at a loss here, and could do with some MN advice!

[SadPanda]

Also a few people seem to be misreading the OP. The OP says her child 'is really enjoying herself'. She is not distressed, she is not unhappy, she is not struggling. She's just irritated by something she doesn't like which doesn't impact on her happiness at school. Yet she still wants to complain about another child's breathing

[FreakySnuckerCupidStunt]

Move your daughter to a new school/class and have a

[Nodecentnickname]

Use this as an opportunity to teach your dd about disability and tolerance.

This is a lesson for her.

Please, please don't talk to the class teacher about this. It won't end well.

[Peachy]

My son has SPD as part of his dx (in fact 2 of them do and one will probably get it sooner or later!)

But they need to learn that their needs are less than someone elses's sometimes

Now, that's variable: when the two older asd ones were in MS they had the most sever needs; in their Base placements it varies. Day to day, in fact. But whilst I can't stop them being bothered I can teach them how to handle it- acceptance of hierarchy of need is one (not an easy one mind!), appropriate ways to manage it as another.

So ds4 is in a MS reception class, and has a PECs card with 'sssh' on and another with 'help'; his verbal level drops right off under pressure (and talking to an adult is pressure for him) so we are using techniques such as this.


But- SPD is not merely being annoyed. It might indicate that, or a specific sensory issue (such as auditory difficulty) as part of a package but I suspect this is down to lack of exposure to people with additional needs, and the only way to address it is with exposure, discussion and example.

Your child is part of the reception year play curriculum: it's noisy there. If it's her only annoyance, it's not noise but inexperience. YOU are the person best placed to manage this.

[Goldmandra]

" The OP says her child 'is really enjoying herself'. She is not distressed, she is not unhappy, she is not struggling. "

Yes but is she learning?

She's four years old and she's expressed in an appropriately immature way that she has a problem with something. She may not have used the exact language required to prove that it is affecting her education but it is still the responsibility of the adults concerned to look into what the problem is and determine whether or not she needs support.

If it just a minor irritation or worry about the complex equipment she can see the OP can make sure she understands as much as is appropriate for a child of her age and hopefully the problem will be resolved.

If this is SPD it could well be affecting and continue to affect her ability to learn so the OP probably needs to find more effective ways to help her.

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

[OhChristFENTON]

Hully, you are so bad, you're good.

[pigletmania]

Solid that is a totally different situation, the girl is not hurting any children or harming them, she is oing what we all have to do to stay alive, breath

[givemeaclue]

Applauds ventilator mum.

[Spuddybean]

I can't believe the frothing outrage this thread has caused. I can't see anything here as disablist. I think all the OP is suggesting is should she ask if her dd can be moved, not lets bring in euthanasia.

I have tinnitus and misophonia and regardless of what causes the noise the effect is the same on my brain whether it is someone tapping their foot, loudly chewing or it was a machine supporting life. It is awful, i could never concentrate with this kind of noise, in fact it would make me want to climb out of a window just to get away from it. However, if someone had asked me to articulate how i felt at 4 yo i probably would have said it was annoying . And it wasn't diagnosed in me till my 20's (along with other conditions) so before then i just thought that's how everyone felt inside abut noise.

It is very hard to express (like migraines compared to headaches) to people because everyone says 'oh yes, it irritates me too'. But it just isn't the same at all.

I have been in tears when in a situation like an exam or on a train, and there is a noise like this. I hear it over everything else and, as another poster has said, you still hear it once it has gone, or it triggers ringing for hours. I have asked to move from being near photocopiers and things which make noise at work. AND NO i am not comparing something trivial to the importance of a breathing machine - but as i said earlier, my response would not differentiate from what the intention of the noise was.

Anyway OP, if you are still there, how does your dd respond to other repetitive noises? Have you tried desensitising her while she does other things at home? There are various web sites you could look at techniques to do this.

Despite what i have said, if she is like me, (and even if she isn') then she will have to try to learn coping mechanisms and it is very much her problem (just as mine is), you can't expect others to fit around you regardless of your reasons.

I hope this post makes sense, apologies if not, i have had 3 hours sleep in the last 28 hours and have a fractious baby on my lap!

[Peachy]

Spuddy I have Asperger's so perhaps do have some idea what you mean, once something starts to break my sensory limits I break into fight or flight mode.

But we have no evidence here to suggest SPD except a child who finds one particular noise annoying. If there were I'd be first to be in here- my studies and research are in ASD, and SPD is very strongly linked.

But how do we know if a child has a sensory disorder without first trying to teach them to adapt to differences in society and observing whether they can? It's fairly integral. If all those failed there might be cause to check for SPD but at this stage it''s more likely child needs reassurance and experience to understand.

I agree about the coping mechanisms: they are everything aren't they? Even if it's quietly excuse myself or learn what to avoid.

[coff33pot]

Child needs her concerns addressed most likely due to the unknown. Tell her what is wrong and why the other child needs it. Tell her we are not all built the same and she is lucky And can breathe in her own but this other child can't and would be really poorly without it.

Alternatively if she complains of anything else noise wise disturbing her perhaps she has an auditory sensory issue and may benefit from ear defenders?

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

The OP's DD find the noise annoying and doesn't like it - it comes across as she is simply intolerant and OP didn't mention any other issues.

Strangely enough though, she hasn't been back in a while

[ventilatormum]

was really moved by all the people who said such nice things about me and my dd. thank you.
won't add any more as steppemum expressed it all so well.
but do, do ask the little girl round and do ask the parents as much as you possibly can about the equipment and why it is there - i am very happy to explain anything to anyone who asks and I'd bet they will be too.

[threesocksmorgan]

how quiet is a class full off reception children?
I am still at the op on this thread as she seems to have vanished without any apologies for disablist op

[Goldmandra]

threesocks the noise level is often irrelevant. It is the type of noise which causes the problem.

[matchpoint]

Apologies for those I upset with my original OP. It was certainly not my intention to come off as 'disablist', and I do feel empathy for the little girl. Clearly, that did not come across, and for that I am sorry. I will take more time to write my posts in the future.

As several have asked, I can't say I have noticed DD2 being exceptionally oversensitive to repetitive noise-she wasn't very impressed by the loud building work next door earlier this year, but who would be? I'm fairly sure she doesn't have any kind of sensory processing disorder, but I will keep an open mind.

Thank you those who have managed to buck the trend of knee-jerk overreaction (it is quite clearly stated in my OP that I did not wish the child to be taken far away from other children; so to shriek that I must 'unplug the child' is unhelpful, to say the least), and respond with a reasoned and well thought out post is massively appreciated. It is very helpful-as you can tell, I am in unfamiliar territory here. Thanks again.

As an aside, can we maybe leave it a day before triumphantly declaring that I have scuttled off with my tail between my legs? I have neither the time nor inclination to check and respond to this thread on a hourly basis.

[CailinDana]

I am genuinely curious about what response you expected to get matchpoint.

[Helpyourself]

Thanks for coming back.
I don't think you should be given a hard time for posting here; certainly better to gauge opinions online rather than talking to other parents or school. Also, and don't patronised by this, but many of the answers you're getting could be from people 20 years older than you and with specific experience.
I dread to think what I might have posted if Mumsnet was around during the war a while ago.

[madmouse]

OP you could also do with a little more empathy to those of us you upset with your thread.

I for one imagined another parent hotfooting it down to school to complain that my ds's clumping around in his walking frame or his broken speech 'would have a negative effect on their dc's education'.

Our disabled kids get quite enough shit on their plates generally.

[WilsonFrickett]

Stating you 'don't wish the child to be taken away' doesn't mean you're empathetic. If you don't want harsh responses, don't post harshly. And most of the people who have 'overreacted' are people who have to deal with this shit every day of their lives. You just might want to think about these things instead of biting back.

[SauvignonBlanche]

I was so hoping this was a reverse AIBU.

[KitchenandJumble]

Me too, Sauvignon.

[Iggly]

Maybe your dd and other kids need the teacher to explain about the machine, with the help of the little girl. Bit like ashow and tell or something?