Censorship and DD3's teacher... AIBU?

[NoNoNora]

Yesterday evening DD3's teacher called to voice her concerns about how appropriate the programmes we let her watch are. DD3 is ten and for all four DDs we haven't paid any attention to ratings, they'll watch what we watch and we won't question what they want to watch during their TV time (unless a fight breaks out between them), none of them are at all traumatised or have nightmares and they always voice their fears and/or leave the room if something is too much for them.
The latest craze at DD3's school is top trump cards and she took DD2's Buffy ones in last week (DD2 is at uni so DD3 has the run of her bedroom and belongings). As a family we all watch Buffy together and have done since it first started, we own the DVDs and the girls have grown up watching it. Of course there are things that the younger ones don't pick up on (i.e. much of the sixth season) but DP and I feel that it is a very positive programme for our girls to watch.
DD3's teacher did not agree with our view. She confiscated the cards for the day on Friday and then called me that evening. Apparently she was concerned that our older girls had been showing 'innapropriate' programmes to the younger ones. I explained that we watched Buffy as a family and I had given her permission to take the cards into school. She then proceeded to explain the importance to ratings and the problems with 'desensitising' children to violence and sex. I was flabbergasted and promised not to let DD3 take the cards into school again but maintained that I was doing nothing wrong in my parenting.

I can't be the only mum who thinks like this? DP is incredibly anti-censorship and wants to send her in with DD2's much more graphic 'Angel' cards on Monday, with a note to the (and I quote) "fascists".

@BasicallySFB

Helen! I thought MNHQ were all neutral an that :)

We are. And that you could think otherwise.

I was merely explaining to lisa123 what she could and couldn't say - should she wish to take issue with the OP's reasoning.

I've read it....or at least most of it. I agree that the OP gives cause for some concern. But she says she would do this, or would do that.
What we know that HAS taken place is watching Buffy.

If there's anything else I missed it.

'twas your post about the consistency of OP not requesting censorship of this thread - made me chuckle - have been at the [sodding non alcoholic] wine :)

Bugger! It took me so long to type that last post I missed all the excitement!!!

pictish that's why people have said it would be child abuse if she allowed her children to watch those movies!

OP, do you really think all the different posters on this thread are wrong? Have you noticed that people aren't agreeing with you, how do you explain that?

And erm ... and [coffee] for suggesting you're not neutral - not my intention ... god it's late, I need to put my well-worn-and-so-tightly-clutched pearls away and get to bed!

Well seeing as Buffy is on tv during the day I'd tell her where to go.

Felicitywascold- I believe I'm right and that my parenting is sound- I know my children and the atmosphere in our home and the other posters do not.

smeg have you read the thread?!

big buffy fan here and YANBU at all. First of all before it came out on dvd, how did you know what rating it was when it was shown on tv? Also the rating is a guide only. Does the teacher insist on telling parents not to allow WWF action figures to kids too? IMO the teacher overstepped her mark. How long have teachers been complaining parents dont teach kids abc and so on expecting them to do it. Now they take on the role of what kids should and should not be doing at home....time the teachers took a step back.

Well OP posters here know about child protection issues and laws and are telling you that that sort of behaviour is abusive.

Erm if you're so convinced you're right, why start a thread in AIBU?

This is a side track but is this not an issue for DD2 "(DD2 is at uni so DD3 has the run of her bedroom and belongings)" - really?

A child at my school told me she had had nightmares after watching a programme with vampires in it. Could have been Scooby Doo for all I know, but I still recorded it in the Welfare Book. It's standard child protection procedure.

BasicallySFB- Because I was feeling unsure about whether I was right or wrong and didn't know that I was so different to other parents. Seeing the other posters have only cemented my view that my parenting is right for my children.

Well I hope you feel so right when school report you and SS are knocking on your door

See I find that most odd - I'm certainly not one for slavishly following The Parenting Rules - but if 99% of posters on a thread I'd started were telling me I was going wrong somewhere, I'd take a closer and questioning look at my parenting.

Are you above the law though op?

TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic- We only have a three-bed home and the younger two usually share a bedroom (and bunk beds, which DD3 hates), so when DD2 is at uni DD3 sleeps in her room. She's taken anything she really cares about with her (has a much bigger bedroom at uni) and DD3 knows not to break/ lose anything.

As someone else said very early on in the thread, YANBU to let your dc watch something like Buffy at home, with your supervision and being on hand to discuss issues with them. YABU to have an issue with the teacher upholding different rules at school, which is her/his domain and they have every right to confiscate what they deem to be inappropriate materials.

I have mixed feelings on the whole 'letting kids watch programmes rated 12+' issue. My ds (coming up to 8yo) LOVES Buffy, and we watched a couple of episodes on SyFy earlier today, which he enjoyed and I certainly didn't find graphic or obscene. That said, I have very clear memories of my violent and abusive stepfather forcing me to watch the Alien movies when I was little, being utterly terrified and him finding that funny. While I can't bear the thought of my children ever being that frightened by something I've allowed them to watch, I do also trust my judgment in deciding if something like Buffy is ok or not, and I would more than raise an eyebrow at anyone calling me abusive for making that judgment call.

NNN - framing these cards as "scary" for other children implies it is their lacking / coolness / niaviety and a need to protect them - not her. When you say you discussed why with yr dd - did you say you were doing this because you thought it was important or because the school asked?

You say you are surprised by this thread and the reactions on it. I am heartened. Whilst I am not an advocate for blindly accepting all rules, I am a believer in being guided by good practice, research and professionals. Age Ratings / classificactions give parents added weight (and for some the permission) to restrict what children / young people are exposed to until age / standard appropriate. I am often surprised by what appears to be the wilful disregard by some parents of the volume of recommendations by those who have some expertise in this area.

I am still interested in your dps notion of the teacher being facist. How does he plan on reconciling that opinion of the teacher with supportively engaging with them in the future. You may well have answered that whilst I have been typing!

How can 'seeing the other posters cement your view that your parenting is right for your children'

HOW??? How has us saying your wrong prove that what you're doing is right???

That makes literally no sense whatsoever.

I hope SS catches up with you. I really do because your attitude is not good for your children.

Fairenuff- Above the law? Surely SS has better things to do then check what I'm showing to my DDs, especially as they are secure, bright and well-behaved children.
DH is a solicitor and is very about some of the reactions on this thread.