Censorship and DD3's teacher... AIBU?

[NoNoNora]

Yesterday evening DD3's teacher called to voice her concerns about how appropriate the programmes we let her watch are. DD3 is ten and for all four DDs we haven't paid any attention to ratings, they'll watch what we watch and we won't question what they want to watch during their TV time (unless a fight breaks out between them), none of them are at all traumatised or have nightmares and they always voice their fears and/or leave the room if something is too much for them.
The latest craze at DD3's school is top trump cards and she took DD2's Buffy ones in last week (DD2 is at uni so DD3 has the run of her bedroom and belongings). As a family we all watch Buffy together and have done since it first started, we own the DVDs and the girls have grown up watching it. Of course there are things that the younger ones don't pick up on (i.e. much of the sixth season) but DP and I feel that it is a very positive programme for our girls to watch.
DD3's teacher did not agree with our view. She confiscated the cards for the day on Friday and then called me that evening. Apparently she was concerned that our older girls had been showing 'innapropriate' programmes to the younger ones. I explained that we watched Buffy as a family and I had given her permission to take the cards into school. She then proceeded to explain the importance to ratings and the problems with 'desensitising' children to violence and sex. I was flabbergasted and promised not to let DD3 take the cards into school again but maintained that I was doing nothing wrong in my parenting.

I can't be the only mum who thinks like this? DP is incredibly anti-censorship and wants to send her in with DD2's much more graphic 'Angel' cards on Monday, with a note to the (and I quote) "fascists".

A 49 year old solicitor?

Who calls a teacher facist?

Who doesn't know that having a child watch torture porn is child abuse?

Who thinks his children are too intelligent to be affected by adult porn?

Do me a lemon.

BasicallySFB "Erm if you're so convinced you're right, why start a thread in AIBU?"

NoNoNora "BasicallySFB- Because I was feeling unsure about whether I was right or wrong and didn't know that I was so different to other parents. Seeing the other posters have only cemented my view that my parenting is right for my children."

Can I just ask, OP - why does 99% of the other posters disagreeing with you convince you that you are right?

Your DH - a solicitor - is about you stating you would theoretically let your small DC's watch whatever they wanted as long as they can explain why and leave the room if they found it too much? Gosh.

You said that you would let your children watch scenes of sexual torture. You would watch films like Saw with them, etc. This is child abuse. It is against the law. If your dh was a solicitor he would already know that, but in any case it has been pointed out many times on this thread with at least one link to the relevant law.

Nope not in my experience, child abuse is abuse no matter what else is happening in home and no matter how clever your kids are
Of course this is only the case if you are showing them 18 films, because you have said you would, you haven't said you have.
If your dh is a solicitor I'm assuming his not a family one, otherwise he would be aware of laws of showing children movies with adult content

for everyone on about SS you really would put trust in them would you? You do realise they have been in the spotlight recently for covering up child abuse.

I am an adult and not easily shocked, but I was so disturbed by Hostel that there is no way I would watch Hostel 2 and I certainly wouldn't let my DC watch it. Surely children as young as 7 and 10 have a right to a childhood and to be protected from these sort of images?

I haven't seen that much of Buffy, but from what I have seen I would probably allow a ten year old to watch it, but if it is a 15, then I wouldn't allow my child to take cards depicting images from it into school where other ten year olds may see it.

I think YABU op, I was about 14/15 when I first watched Buffy... I enjoyed it a lot but I think I was the right age and level of maturity. The naughtiest thing my mum let us watch in junior school was 'friends' or maybe 'bottom'! Buffy does have some rather adult undertones which I don't think a 10 yr old needs to see.

And as much as I enjoyed Buffy when I was younger, I don't see how its supposed to portray positive female role models? Do girls aspire to be vampire slayers or witches?

And you say your kids are allowed to watch things 'harder' than Buffy? Can you give an example?

I feel I'm right even after reading this (mammoth) thread because it has given me food for thought, has made me think and has made me come to the conclusion that I'm doing what's right for my children.

DH is very passionate about censorship and freedom of speech (and really dislikes much of his job) and the fascist comment was in the heat of the moment, not one he would repeat to them (well, maybe in an ill-conceived attempt at humour).

lilqueenie that's not even relevant. The point is that OP is willing to carry out child abuse and break the law.

OP I hope your DH is planning on retraining if he doesn't know that what your suggesting is a crime.

Can yr DH as a solicitor acknowledge other profession's expertise? Teachers and those involved in child protection / safeguarding have voiced their opinions - are they to be given no credence?

SS have a duty of care. Even with stretched resources - that includes following up on any reports or concerns from schools. Your school has expressed concern around desensitization. I am not saying there is any further reporting or procedures happening but can you not see that you have presented evidence already to them that you do happily expose your children to non age appropriate materials?

Do you not have a hobby? Is winding people up on MN your idea of Saturday night entertainment?

OP have you thought about a career as a child minder?

You sound like a real Mary Poppins

Ok. I'm out.

If this is legit I must say your DH sounds like a total knob.

He also sounds like he hasn't a bully's notion what he's talking about.

butterfingerz- They aspire to be strong, empowered women. Women who are respected and not cast as victims and damsels.

We'll watch most procedural crime programmes with them (DH likes to pick out their flaws), Firefly is very popular with the girls, Carnivale they watched but it bored them to sleep... One thing that we avoid is rape-situations but that's because they trigger me.

I am more than a little relieved that the parents (and indeed teachers) I come into contact with take a more pragmatic approach than some of the responses on this thread.

From what I've read the OP isn't showing her children Saw, Hostel or any other pointless horror film. They're only ACTUALLY watching Buffy.

My DS2 (now 11) doesn't watch horror films, as mentioned he does like CSI and the like. He does also play games like Black Ops though, and has done for the last year or so. In common with every child in his class who has an Xbox (at least half of them).

So feel free to tell me I'll get referred to SS as well.

Here is a MASSIVE difference between being 'passionate' about censorship and freedom of speech, and allowing children to be exposed to material that is not age appropriate, as defined by law, and that research suggests can be harmful, disturbing, distressing.

I don't get the censorship thing. Who is censoring what they watch?

If he disagrees with the classification system then fine. i just don't understand why that would stop you taking parental responsibility by watching a film before you let your kids.

Or is it about parental censorship? In which case, how do you ensure the kids are able to watch a full spectrum of things and not just the things you have in the house because that is what you as parents have a preference for?

hatesponge what are you on about??

I think it unlikely that SS would go steaming in in a case of young dc (in a household where there are also adult dc) watching mainstream 15/18 certificate movies or TV series, to be fair.

They'd need to make it their life's work.

So it really comes down to: not surprising school had a word about the Buffy cards, so take that on the chin, OP, & stop banging on about fascists.

The watching of torture porn is all hypothetical & the OP obviously hasn't thought that one through, not having reason to. Presumably the older dds haven't expressed an interest - it's all just posturing, really.

People like the OP are why so many kids feel they have to watch stuff that isn't age appropriate. And why so many think rules/age restrictions just don't apply to them.

There is no good reason to show kids this stuff! Their lives will not be hampered by not being allowed to watch 15 rated film/TV/games at the age of 10. It is totally and utterly unnecessary, and stupid.

"Can I just ask, OP - why does 99% of the other posters disagreeing with you convince you that you are right?"

Because she (and her DH) think they are rebels

Are you scifi boffs? I had to google firefly and carnivale and wouldn't know if they're appropriate for kids or not...

Re crime programmes, would you let them watch silent witness or waking the dead? As even I find those quite disturbing tbh.

Tell me, does your DH ever use 4chan? What does he think of Anonymous? Does he own a V for Vendetta mask?

"But there ur kids, so its up to.
I don't agree with u but as i said, there ur kids"

Someone actually said this upthread. I cannot believe people have that mentality - just because you have children surely doesn't mean you can do whatever the hell you like with them! What a stupid and nonsensical statement to make.

Regarding the thread topic - I agree with the vast majority of posters that the OP is acting in a totally inappropriate and potentially damaging manner. Hopefully the school is monitoring the situation carefully.