Censorship and DD3's teacher... AIBU?

[NoNoNora]

Yesterday evening DD3's teacher called to voice her concerns about how appropriate the programmes we let her watch are. DD3 is ten and for all four DDs we haven't paid any attention to ratings, they'll watch what we watch and we won't question what they want to watch during their TV time (unless a fight breaks out between them), none of them are at all traumatised or have nightmares and they always voice their fears and/or leave the room if something is too much for them.
The latest craze at DD3's school is top trump cards and she took DD2's Buffy ones in last week (DD2 is at uni so DD3 has the run of her bedroom and belongings). As a family we all watch Buffy together and have done since it first started, we own the DVDs and the girls have grown up watching it. Of course there are things that the younger ones don't pick up on (i.e. much of the sixth season) but DP and I feel that it is a very positive programme for our girls to watch.
DD3's teacher did not agree with our view. She confiscated the cards for the day on Friday and then called me that evening. Apparently she was concerned that our older girls had been showing 'innapropriate' programmes to the younger ones. I explained that we watched Buffy as a family and I had given her permission to take the cards into school. She then proceeded to explain the importance to ratings and the problems with 'desensitising' children to violence and sex. I was flabbergasted and promised not to let DD3 take the cards into school again but maintained that I was doing nothing wrong in my parenting.

I can't be the only mum who thinks like this? DP is incredibly anti-censorship and wants to send her in with DD2's much more graphic 'Angel' cards on Monday, with a note to the (and I quote) "fascists".

You may think it is fine for them to watch as they don't 'seem' to have issues with the choices they make but you need to pay attention as these things can manifest in other ways. I have seen children who watch older films and programs playing 'inappropriatly' in the playground and having very confused ideas about the body and emotions during lessons as they are too young to understand grown up emotions and actions from films.
The ratings are there for a reason and there should be a distinction between what your children of different ages gets to watch on occassion.
The younger children often don't want to ask or say if they don't like something incase they are made to feel silly - they rely on you to make sure they are watching appropriate content - it is lazy not liberal to leave them to it. You are the parent so act like one.

And just to be crystal clear as someone involved in safeguarding - if I knew you let your child watch torture porn because they asked I'd report it to SS.

I think the approach you and your DH are taking is idiotic.

I'd've probably rung you to explain that the cards had been confiscated as unsuitable for school, but returned to your dc to take home. & invited you to come in & collect them if it happened again.

Generally speaking, I'd say 'Your gaff your rules' with anything shown on TV, but you lost me at letting a 10 year old sit down to watch A Serbian Film.

"your kids your rules" makes no sense whatsoever....

Can anyone actually link me to some ratings please, I have googled and wiki'd it but I cant find anything. Buffy is not anything like torture porn either.

Totally agree with LFC. I would raise this as a concern, particularly if you had voiced your lazy liberal parenting views.

If the school heard about your dd watching torture porn they would report it to social services. That is child abuse. Please, please, please do not allow them to watch that.

I'm pretty libel about most things I think but you would seriously let your 7 and 10 year old wach a horror / porn film like hostel if they wanted to? If so that is awful, really awful.

I don't undersand why anyone would want to show ther children films/programmes that are intended for older viewers.

There is plenty of good age-appropriate stuff available, and plenty of time to watc adult things when they are aults (and can choose for themselves what they want to watch).

I expect school to be aplace where my children can go without having innapropriate material shown to the, so IMO the teacher was right to confiscate the cards. It is clear that you don't understand that viewing sex ad violence desensitises children to those things so IMO the teaher was right to 'educate' you in these matters. She seems to care about what happens to your daughter, which makes a change from all the threads recently about teachers who don't care about the children in their classes!

You and your husband sound very immature.

Grow up.

I think you're too cool for skool and should home ed them then you can be as slack arsed as you like !

If you'd said Scream or something I'd agree with the teacher, but Buffy ffs?! I was watching it at that age and it was fine, but then it depends on the child as well, Jurassic Park would give me nightmares and that has a much lower age rating.

Saying that though, I really don't agree with your stance that they can watch anything they ask to watch, whilst I agree that in some cases the material is fine if the child is okay with it and you are on hand to talk through things, some things just shouldn't be watched by children.

I really hope to god you are trip trapping

Are you joking? Buffy is one thing, although I never watched it so not sure of the content, but the fucking Human Centipede? Saw? You'd let a 10 and a 7 year old watch that because they wanted to? You are mental if you think viewing that sort of shit wouldn't effect them even if they didn't show it at the time. I only read the summary about what the human centipede was about and it haunted me for days.
Ratings are not the same as censorship. They are a child protection tool. We are meant to censor some things for our kids FFS.

Oh dear. It's rare I read something on MN and I'm immediately concerned for the welfare of the children, but this really does worry me.

You are wrong. Very, very wrong.

Where children are concerned, some censorship is a good and healthy thing.

I agree with some others. If you were actually showing your DCs the torture-porn films, it is a CP issue and I would report you to SS.

No one is comparing Buffy to torture porn ineedofbrandy

The only reason we're talking about torture porn is because the OP said she would let them watch that if they wanted to as she would watch it with them.

You seem to have a very limited understanding of how these things impact on a child, OP.

Please read candr's post. And then re-read it.

I think the approach you and your DH are taking is idiotic.

This.

'"your kids your rules" makes no sense whatsoever.... '

Of course it does, where it's about an individual child's response to something that might be a bit scary to some kids of that age but not others - the parent has to exercise judgment; I know as a young child I found Alien hilarious but The Children of Green Knowe blardy creepy. Ratings are a very blunt tool, & personally I'd always regard them as for guidance.

There's a distinction between 'possibly scary effects but ultimately good clean fun' like Buffy, & actively horrible stuff exploring the nastier corners of the human psyche, like The Human Centipede or Hostel, though.

I doubt either of the younger DDs have even heard of the Hostel/Saw films, so I don't see that coming up in the foreseeable future (and if one wanted to watch the other obviously wouldn't have to).
Also, I don't see what's lazy about my parenting. To me lazy parenting is sitting them in front of the Disney channel and getting on with other things, not watching things as a family and discussing them.

(Buffy box sets are all rated 15 and only one Angel episode has an 18 rating, FYI, the episoded shown on the Beeb at teatime were heavily edited to the point of many plots not making much sense.)

Buffy as it was shown at tea-time was very heavily edited, for example the attempted rape in Season 5/6? was cut out. The early seasons may well be suitable for a 10 yr old but I would say definitely not the later ones. And I love Buffy!

Well I do think certain things are really not meant to be watched by children, no matter who is in the room. Like above mentioned films but not just horror, I wouldn't let mine watch clockwork orange due to the male rape. I wouldn't let them watch any type or rape.

I think buffy is fine though, Dr who is scarier then buffy and I let mine watch that.

I usually try to make some reasoned argument but tonight I CBA. You and your husband are the type of idiots I wish didn't get the privilege of having DC. Do the research. You're ridiculous ideas are damaging.