Censorship and DD3's teacher... AIBU?

[NoNoNora]

Yesterday evening DD3's teacher called to voice her concerns about how appropriate the programmes we let her watch are. DD3 is ten and for all four DDs we haven't paid any attention to ratings, they'll watch what we watch and we won't question what they want to watch during their TV time (unless a fight breaks out between them), none of them are at all traumatised or have nightmares and they always voice their fears and/or leave the room if something is too much for them.
The latest craze at DD3's school is top trump cards and she took DD2's Buffy ones in last week (DD2 is at uni so DD3 has the run of her bedroom and belongings). As a family we all watch Buffy together and have done since it first started, we own the DVDs and the girls have grown up watching it. Of course there are things that the younger ones don't pick up on (i.e. much of the sixth season) but DP and I feel that it is a very positive programme for our girls to watch.
DD3's teacher did not agree with our view. She confiscated the cards for the day on Friday and then called me that evening. Apparently she was concerned that our older girls had been showing 'innapropriate' programmes to the younger ones. I explained that we watched Buffy as a family and I had given her permission to take the cards into school. She then proceeded to explain the importance to ratings and the problems with 'desensitising' children to violence and sex. I was flabbergasted and promised not to let DD3 take the cards into school again but maintained that I was doing nothing wrong in my parenting.

I can't be the only mum who thinks like this? DP is incredibly anti-censorship and wants to send her in with DD2's much more graphic 'Angel' cards on Monday, with a note to the (and I quote) "fascists".

I've just googled a serbian film and I feel physicaly sick

catsrus I can see that you have read the OP as a mother who is discussing programmes with her children, but she has argued that she and her DH consider their children intelligent and mature enough to be able to deal with the themes and especially the visual imagery in what I would consider programmes unsuitable for family viewing.

While her children may be intellectually intelligent, I would bet a hefty amount that their emotional intelligence is nowhere near the level she thinks it is, and that they are on a par with the other children in their classes.

Other posters, especially those who work in areas associated with child protection have expressed concern that in allowing the children to see these programmes that the children have already been harmed.

The fact that so many posters have expressed concern would normally get an OP to at least consider their point of view may need to be re-visited but not, apparently, this OP.

She has chosen not to take on board comments and opinions (and people citing research) about children's emotional well-being and that exposing children to unsuitable material can harm their emotional development. The OP is an adult; her brain has finished developing and she can make those adult decisions herself about suitable viewing. Her children are still developing and there are legitimate concerns that any unsuitable material now can de-sensitise them and cause mental health issues later.

My DD is 12 years old. I know her friends and quite a few of her classmates well enough to know that while DD is intelligent, she, her friends and her classmates are nowhere near mature enough to watch the likes of Carnivale, Firefly or the later seasons of Buffy; they are 12 years old, and the rating system is designed to protect children. I prefer to err on the side of caution as talking and discussing the themes in programmes in no way prepares children for the actuality of seeing those programmes bringing those themes graphically to life. I have ignored ratings on a few occasions but only when I have pre-watched the programme concerned and guaged the content.

This is NOT censorship; this is protecting my children. After all they'll have many years ahead to catch up TV if they want.

Seriously please do NOT be tempted to google Serbian film plot. My dp couldn't even read till the end. I'm not just postering here it is the sickest thing I have ever read. It makes human centipead look like a Disney film!

BE WARNED

My BIL told me about it months ago and I still feel physically sick. I literally have to stop myself from thinking about it.

You will NEVER see/read about anything as disturbing. Never.

How whoever filmed it could even dream up something like that I don't know. I'm actually really upset now thinking about it again.

I just don't get it either. Worse than that, there were still images from the film on the review I read including of the newborn scene. Feel like bleaching my eyes!

I wish I had brain bleach for TSF description I read - truly disturbing. The people involved need serious help and should be locked up IMHO.

OP, are you any closer to maybe reconsidering your standpoint on this? You must by now see that your idea of healthy viewing is somewhat distorted and you and your DH need to sit down and make some sensible rules about viewing guidlines - if you actually give a damn about your childrens well being. They need you to do this!

OP maybe you SHOULD read plot to Serbian film. Might open your eyes a bit, that way you can discuss it with you dc?

(am joking btw)

It's just occured to me that in actuality the OP is abdicating her responsibility to her children.

By stating that she would allow them to see things that have a high rating, if they convince her by discussion, she is putting the onus on them to be sensible about what they watch, rather than actually being a parent and making that decision herself.

When I've done child protection in various (voluntary) roles, one thing that has always been an example is a child talking about things they watch which are inappropriate for their age.

What is the point of showing a 6 and a 10 year old shows like Buffy anyway? Aside from being exposed to graphic violence (the OP was clear that she was showing them the DVDs rather than the TV version) most of the storylines and the character relationship would go over their head anyway.

What strikes me here is the amount of TV being watched. The OP states that her girls watch one hour each and then 'something' in the evening every day.
That seems an awful lot for children that age.
If they want to expose the kids to positive female role models and discuss 'themes' as a family, how about reading? There are plenty of great girl role models in kiddie literature.

TBH it feels like the parents want to watch what they want to watch and the kids happen to be around. For the record I love Buffy, Angel and Firefly. No way in hell would I let my 6 year old watch it.

"By stating that she would allow them to see things that have a high rating, if they convince her by discussion, she is putting the onus on them to be sensible about what they watch, rather than actually being a parent and making that decision herself."

Absolutely

I stupidly did google that awful film and it makes me think that some things should be censored from everyone. Not just dcs but everyone, because one day the op will go to far and show her poor dds something that will scar them for life (if it hasn't happened alredy). You really can't unsee things. I've been shaky and weepy all night and all I did was read the plot line of that film! And I'm 26 ffs could you imagine what that would do to a child!

Do not google!!

The human centipede came up on a thread a few months ago when a Mother was shocked to learn her 12 year old had watched it at a sleep-over. I googled it and was so shaken by it for months aftrwards. I won't be making the same mistake again. Ignorance truly is bliss.

I remember watching a Clockwork Orange when I was 17 and been utterly disturbed by it. I was with friends and basically had to watch the floor for the entire movie because it was too awful. I remember running thriuts through my head so a to block out the words being spoken. Up until that point I was unaware of the realities of gang-rape and gratuitous violence. What a waste of my childhood that I hadn't been exposed to either so much sooner - I mean, it's not as if I haven't had the rest of my life to become acquainted with the themes...

I remember being about 15 or 16 and learning all about Stairway to Heaven being played backwards and the alleged Satanic messages in it. I found bed-time a complete and utter ordeal for months and months afterwards. I dreaded being alone in the dark with my thoughts. :( I kept thinking the devil was going to come for me. And I was a teenager as well...!

The reality is - unless you're a member of the Taliban, Nazi Party or a Communist, then it's pretty much a given that you're pro-free speech and wouldn't live anywhere other than in a democracy. But to prioritise that - something we all cherish and is in no genuine danger of being erdoed anyway - over the welfare of our own children is warped.

Given that 'intelligence' and 'maturity' are attributes applicable to both - give me a cossetted child with emotional intelligence over a de-sensitised one any day of the week.

Op is basically normalizing all kids of abuse to her children.

Even the "romantic" storylines of Buffy (I have seen all episodes, I am a great fan) has an emphasis of possible betrayal. Betrayal of trust, betrayal of friendship, betrayal of your love interest. Even worse,violence. The story line with Spike and Buffy, where the sex is explicit and bordering on SM, they kiss, punch, bite and shag. Buffy seem especially attracted to the coldness of Spike, his lack of emotion and empathy. When Willow is with Oz, even she is scared of what he might do to her when he turns into a werewolf.

On a more chilling level, the twists of reality, and how you perceive it.

The story line where Buffys mum gets cancer, and Buffy works her socks off in a burger joint. Buffys mum dies and she has to cope on her own. Highschool, slaying vampires, work to pay bills. And suddenly Buffys mum reappears, and Buffy is so glad to have her mum she does not really question it.
When Buffy one morning wakes up and finds she has a younger sister suddenly living there. Her mum does not understand Buffys surprise, it has always been the three of them!

As a grown up, or an older teen, you can see it for what it is. A gory teen soap with unrealistic fantastic story lines. Children dont have the same ability to question critically.

My sons would be scarred for life if they were to watch the human centipede. I saw a youtube clip. The very concept is sickening. I am against censorship, but some films really take the biscuit.

I think my question, and possibly the teacher, or a social worker might wonder why this couple wants their children desensitized to violence. Why normalize it? Unless it is deliberate? To show their children that THIS is what reality for most people is like? Punches and kisses go hand in hand?

I am still reeling from my dister 40 trying to sneek in my son and hers into a 15 he got cold feet and rang me ftom the cinema loo

He is 12 ffs

She has been told she wont be taking him out again

straw I know what you mean I kept thinking bout plot to sf but with my dc in it!!!! Has really fucked me up I tell you

Please OP reconsider your views on this; MN is a real cross-section of people, it is not a bunch of similarly minded conservative parents at all.. Everyone is telling you it is not ok that your children watch age-inappropriate material

It is NOT a censorship/ ?freedom of expression/speech? issue?it is a child protection issue

That your dh called the school fascists, speaks volumes IMO

When people were mentioning The Serbian Film, I thought they meant Irreversible (which I haven't seen but I remembered some friends being upset by it and they'd told me the plot summary).
I Googled to check if I was remembering what it was about and realised it was a different film.

I would seriously recommend people not Google TSF. I wanted to ask DH if he'd heard of it but I can't because there's no way I'd want to put that into someone's head if they didn't have to know it existed. Revolting.

it really is revolting isnt it hihow? like you havent sen it...just read review...that was too much already

I can only think that OP doesnt know what this film contains, to consider letting her dc watch it if they asked...she must be imagining that it is just a bog standard horror surely

The idea of a 7 year old watching it is just... a joke!