Censorship and DD3's teacher... AIBU?

[NoNoNora]

Yesterday evening DD3's teacher called to voice her concerns about how appropriate the programmes we let her watch are. DD3 is ten and for all four DDs we haven't paid any attention to ratings, they'll watch what we watch and we won't question what they want to watch during their TV time (unless a fight breaks out between them), none of them are at all traumatised or have nightmares and they always voice their fears and/or leave the room if something is too much for them.
The latest craze at DD3's school is top trump cards and she took DD2's Buffy ones in last week (DD2 is at uni so DD3 has the run of her bedroom and belongings). As a family we all watch Buffy together and have done since it first started, we own the DVDs and the girls have grown up watching it. Of course there are things that the younger ones don't pick up on (i.e. much of the sixth season) but DP and I feel that it is a very positive programme for our girls to watch.
DD3's teacher did not agree with our view. She confiscated the cards for the day on Friday and then called me that evening. Apparently she was concerned that our older girls had been showing 'innapropriate' programmes to the younger ones. I explained that we watched Buffy as a family and I had given her permission to take the cards into school. She then proceeded to explain the importance to ratings and the problems with 'desensitising' children to violence and sex. I was flabbergasted and promised not to let DD3 take the cards into school again but maintained that I was doing nothing wrong in my parenting.

I can't be the only mum who thinks like this? DP is incredibly anti-censorship and wants to send her in with DD2's much more graphic 'Angel' cards on Monday, with a note to the (and I quote) "fascists".

I have no time for people who treat age restrictions on tv and film as written in stone. I have just as little time for those who completely disregard them.

I have no time for people who treat age restrictions on tv and film as written in stone. I have just as little time for those who completely disregard them.

That's it totally.

butterfingerz- DH is a scifi person and has slowly got me into the less Star Trek side of the genre... One of the main characters on Firefly is a prostitute and Carnivale's main characters include a family who run a peep show/prostitution business in a 1930s travelling carnival.

EmBOOsa- I just had to google 4chan and still don't quite get it so I doubt it... It seems a bit of a teenage-boy thing.

In the first episode of firefly someone is shot through the head and later in the season has graphic scenes of torture.

In fact shooting people is prevalent throughout the entire show.

And I actually like the show.

I'm NOT troll hunting but OP seems very eager to point out the sexual content in what her children are watching. Just sayin'!

butterfingerz- Waking the Dead and Silent Witness are sometimes watched, though they are usually in bed when they're on. Crime shows send them to sleep, for the most part- too much plot and not enough action.

waltermittymissus- Or someone said they were unfamiliar with the programmes I mentioned and I told them what most find to be the most objectionable parts of the series.

Op - so you dont avoid watching 'rape situations' because it would be damaging for your children - only because it would be difficult for you.

I think your attitude is bordering on abusive to your children

One thing that we avoid is rape-situations but that's because they trigger me.
So it's ok for you to avoid watching certain things, but your kids can watch whatever they express a desire to watch. I'm 23 and I hate blood and gore. I don't believe I'm emotionally immature compared to your 8 year old. I can remember watching an awful zombie movie when I was around 10 with an older friend. I hated it. I hate horror movies now.
I think your parenting is lapse at best, at worse it could be very damaging if you subject your child to material they are not emotionally ready for and able to process properly. They might seem fine at the time, but scary images can stay with a child for a long time. However grown up and mature you mistakenly
believe your children are.

YABU

There has been a lot on this thread about you and how you parent your children but what about the other children in the class/year/school?

There are other children in the school who may be sensitive to such graphic material. The teacher is there to take the needs of all children into account, not just yours.

OP there was no need for you to point out the most objectional parts. why do that?

You won't allow them to watch rape scenes because YOU aren't ok with it but you don't give a shiny shit about what is appropriate for them.

As far as I can see, either you are getting your kicks out of this or you are creating a very worrying and possibly abusive home environment for your children.

OP, I'm totally at a loss to why you posted in the first place - was it just to have a fight? You aren't willing to listen to one single thing that's been said to you.
FWIW, I would also have done the same, and flagged your children up to our CP officer at school. I've done it this term for a 4 year old already.
I can't believe you're surprised at the reactions you've received.

YABU. I totally agree with the teacher about the importance of ratings and the problems with desensitising children to violence and sex.

Just read the thread.
OP what do u do jobwise?

I do think Buffy is a fantastic, feminist-informed show that is really good for girls to watch. But not when they are as young as 10 - it can wait, and they can watch the Sarah Jane Adventures in the meantime.

OP, you said that rape scenes are triggering for you and you avoid them - do you watch the attempted rape scene in Buffy season 6 with your DC? How do you explain it to them if you do?

I think what many people are trying to get across to you is that you wouldn't necessarily know if your children were really disturbed by something you watched with them. I was very disturbed by watching Outbreak (15 rating) at a sleepover when I was 12. And children can be really upset even by things that are supposedly an OK rating for them. I was utterly petrified by ET. Perhaps I was a delicate flower, but you can't predict what will upset small children.

One thing that we avoid is rape-situations but that's because they trigger me.

In light of this discussion so far this is an extraordinarily inflammatory comment to make.

Lara2- I posted because I thought it was ridiculous that the teacher felt the need to give me a lecture about what I should and should not allow my children to watch. (I mistakenly thought that everyone else on here would agree)
Flojo1979- I'm a SAHM but before the children (over 20 years ago, now) I was a PA/unofficial office manager in a publishing firm.
FairPhyllis- They have seen the attempted rape scene (they've seen each episode but have favourites) and though I do find it hard to watch, it almost feels cathartic to see a strong character go through what I went through. They understood that he was trying to make her do something she didn't want to do and we spoke (in very child-friendly terms) about no meaning no and to speak out if something like that (god forbid) was to happen to them or someone they knew.

Felicitywascold- I don't see how it was, we also avoid diet programmes because they trigger DD2 (a recovered anorexic)... I don't see how avoiding personal triggers equates to censorship.

So with Carnivale were you planning on explaining the hootchie cootch, the blow off and Dora-Mae's murder to your 10 year old?

OP the thing I find worst about your first post is that you allow your younger DD to have "the run of DD2s room" as she is away at university.

So she is allowed to go into her sisters room whilst her sister is not there and take stuff which doesn't belong to her into school. You allow her to have full reign over herr sister's private space??

I can't comment on the Buffy situation as I have never watched it.

I do think it's entirely inappropriate to not monitor what your DDs watch and if a younger DD was frightened or scared of what was on the TV she would leave the room? again. OR you could put TV shows on which are family friendly and not scare the poor child out of the room.

Flojo1979- So my daughter being anorexic was my fault? I just can't... I just can't see how you can link watching television to an eating disorder. And yes, at this point in time she is very happy, thriving at university and leading her amazing recovery.

GoldPlatedNineDoors- They were top trump cards, DD2 lets her (and DD4) play with them... It's a pack of cards that's easily replaceable. I have four children and two bedrooms for them (though DD1 has moved out) and DD2 is completely aware that her sister is staying in her room, they are very close and I'm sure that DD2 had a talk about belongings and the 'consequences' for damaging any of her stuff.

I do monitor what my children are watching, but I don't stop them watching things... I do feel that certain programmes and themes need to be discussed during and after viewing.

Also, they won't sit in the hallway alone if they leave the room, an adult will go with them and start a different activity.

I think that rape scene in Buffy is a prime example of something a 10 year old should not see. Quite apart from the sexual violence, I think it's just too emotionally complex for a 10 year old to deal with, because Spike by that point has been in a sexual relationship with Buffy and is one of the characters we are meant to like.

Even the actors said they found it incredibly distressing to film - James Marsters has said in interviews they were very unhappy about doing it and he will never film a scene like that again.