...to ask DCs school to have a 'no play fighting' rule in the playground

[Nottigermum]

I posted a similar question in primary education, but I just people's honnest opinions about this. My DCs primary school doesn't have any clear rules about play fighting in the playground. I see it at drop off in the mornings, many boys (and some girls) play fight, and it often ends up as one or more than one children getting hurt. One of my kids is often hit, kicked, even smacked in the face - he does participate in the play fighting, and I have to say, I really don't like it and have spoken to him many times about staying away and not getting involved etc but I know he still play fights (and often gets hurt, including having a red hand mark on his face after school because another boy smacked him very hard).

I know that some schools have a strict 'no play fighting' policy in the playground. Do people think it's a bit OTT - that play fighting is normal behaviour and it should be fine in the playground? Do children really know when to stop, or is it too much to expect that a 5 year old will be able to play fight one minute, and then stand in line nicely without pushing a moment later? Or as a parent, are you happy that your school does or doesn't have that rule? Teachers maybe?

And finally, would I be unreasonable to push for the school to have a no play fighting rule in place?

Everybody round to thebody's for a fight!!!

So do you let them all kick and hit each other?

Take playfighting away?
Take puddings out of dinnertime?
Take splashing out of water?
Take sticks out of the park?

What else?

I feel so sad . . . .

But no one has said hitting and kicking is ok. Have they?

But it's the hitting and kicking the op is complaining about ...

hide and seek
best friends
both banned at the same school

Don't feel sad daytoday. Parents can still let their DC play fight, give them puddings etc.

School aren't responsible for providing all childhood experiences. I'm convinced that there's still a bit left for parents to do.

Banning 'playfighting' doesn't stop bullying though.

laptopcomputer - DS has an ASD. He doesn't understand the difference between 'play' fighting and real fighting.

As I said - I have no problem with some forms of rough and tumble. I just know that for my DS, and for some other children too, it isn't fun and they don't understand it.

DD is a rough and tumble little girl. She 'play fights' with her friends and some of DS's 'friends' - she is NT, she 'gets' it. DS doesn't. Nor do I actually. Makes no sense to me. But I accept it is a part of growing up and let those children that can cope with it get on with it within reason.

Maryzed I don't understand how fighting (as in actually having full contact) could be ok with parents - except with the parents of the bigger more "enthusiastic" kids who are never hurt

it isn't the big ones who are never hurt - my son is only just 5 but very big for his age - he got a black eye last week from a much smaller but very "wild" little boy... However after a hicup where DS wouldn't say what had happened and nobody had seen, he told me at home, Kindergarten talked to both boys together and sorted it out and they are great friends again now (he was 'round at our house yesterday afternoon at DS's invitation, it wasn't bullying it was a basically sweet little boy with hmmmmm poor impulse control).

Kindergarten (abroad) are very into letting kids find their own way and resolve their own conflicts, and not much is banned, but it's a remarkably civilized place which seems pleasant no matter what time of day you drop by... The kids are 3-6 years old and there are about 70 kids to 6 adults but it works for various reasons...

DS1 spent all of Reception learning about play fighting, alongside learning to read, write etc. It was a key part of their socialisation (boys and girls, although I know that play fighting was more widespread amongst the boys) - they learned how to judge other's feelings, express and speak up for themselves (and each other - friends regularly stepped in to defend other friends when it was all getting a bit much).

It was not an easy process, and inevitably there were times when some of them - DS1 included - overstepped the mark. He once shoved a boy in his class over, and he fell back and hit his head. I was mortified and DS1 was left in no doubt, from his teacher and TA and from me, that this was completely unacceptable.

I've seen them all sort of 'shake down' over the last couple of years (DS1 is now in Y2), and a group of them regularly play fight, with great joy and no injuries or major incidents of anyone getting upset (so far...). I think this is because they've been allowed to play fight within very clear and firm boundaries, they now know the rules and, by and large, adhere to them. They gain great enjoyment from their play fighting, and I would resist any attempt to ban it. They now have included some of their own boundaries within their play fights, which I think is because they have been allowed to explore this aspect of their development relatively independently.

DS2 is now in Reception and starting the same process. I've seen him before and after school playing with other boys and they are at the stage of spending at least some of the time bristling at one another like small and territorial dogs - but I am sure that they will all get there .

I know all of this is anecdotal, but DS1 is a gentle and empathetic boy...who also loves play fighting. I would be very if this was taken away from him and his friends. If children are being injured regularly, or children are being 'targeted', then that is not play fighting!

I think the point is that it is very hard to distinguish between play fighting and real fighting and that schools don't really have the resources to do it. I haven't seen anyone come up with a really clear distinction, so I'm not entirely sure how the kids work it out. I think it is very confusing as well. My ds1 (now Y2) has been (in my opinion) bullied disguised as play fighting since Reception. He has been targeted on many occasions, he is often fought by several children. He doesn't speak up because he thinks it's allowed and it's ok, and he usually fights back too. The times it has got been spotted by staff in the playground, it is passed off as 'one off incidents'. I suspect not, by ds's behaviour at home, by behaviour I have seen after school etc.

I am also a TA who does playground duty. We try to stop "playfighting" wherever possible, because it always turns into a real fight , or someone getting hurt in the end. Then parents come in all guns blazing saying their children are being bullied.
Better to stop them doing it at all, or when Ofsted visit they will want to know WHY we aren't stopping them, and then that becomes a safety issue and every little incident of not pulling children up on something perceived as dangerous or a failure of discipline is noted.