...to ask DCs school to have a 'no play fighting' rule in the playground

[Nottigermum]

I posted a similar question in primary education, but I just people's honnest opinions about this. My DCs primary school doesn't have any clear rules about play fighting in the playground. I see it at drop off in the mornings, many boys (and some girls) play fight, and it often ends up as one or more than one children getting hurt. One of my kids is often hit, kicked, even smacked in the face - he does participate in the play fighting, and I have to say, I really don't like it and have spoken to him many times about staying away and not getting involved etc but I know he still play fights (and often gets hurt, including having a red hand mark on his face after school because another boy smacked him very hard).

I know that some schools have a strict 'no play fighting' policy in the playground. Do people think it's a bit OTT - that play fighting is normal behaviour and it should be fine in the playground? Do children really know when to stop, or is it too much to expect that a 5 year old will be able to play fight one minute, and then stand in line nicely without pushing a moment later? Or as a parent, are you happy that your school does or doesn't have that rule? Teachers maybe?

And finally, would I be unreasonable to push for the school to have a no play fighting rule in place?

If you actually read her post you would realise that the school are calling it playfighting. But it isn't. So she isn't unreasonable to ask them to stop it.

If my little one came home with a bruise because a child just walked up and hit him, I would be annoyed and want action to be taken, however if he was play-fighting and received a bruise in the rough and tumble, I would tell him that he shouldn't play that any more and leave the choice to him. Seems pretty standard.

Absolutely - the happy medium would be play fighting is fine but real fighting is not

Which some people on this thread disagree with. Hence me thinking they want to go down the chain to railing route. :)

Bloody hell, x-posting with everyone.

I honestly don't think anyone who went back and read her actual posts (all of them) could think she was being unreasonable. Whereas the first responses on this thread implied she was an over-protective control freak.

Funny how these threads go sometimes.

It is hard to police a playground before school with all the parents there. I would be very surprised if there wasn't a no play fighting rule during the school day to tbh.

The problem is that what one child thinks is play fighting another child may not

In reception this boy kept coming up and kicking ds and trying to play fight. Ds didn't want to and felt under attack. The teacher had to get involved in the end. I also remember from my gild hood that play fighting was a very good cover for bullying.

Ds is all for rough and tumble but I guess I don't equate that with play fighting. Maybe it is because with rough and tumble he purpose of the play isn't pretending to fight. Can't explain it!

But in response to the question, it all comes down to supervision and how alert the teachers are to the play fighting crossing the line

The school's behaviour and anti bullying policy has not nothing specific to the playground. It has rules like 'be kind to each other' etc but no specific rules about hitting and fighting.

I think that our school has very 'grey' rules, all about kindness and respect, but it's hard for children and the school staff to actually put those in practice, sometimes children need much more black and white rules.

There's loads of play fighting or real fighting during the school day - wwe can see in the playground from the main street and I've even received a call from a friend telling me that DS was being 'beaten up in a head lock' one boy holding him in a head lock and another boy kicking him.

YABU
Rough and tumble play is essential for young children to make sens eof the world and their place in it.
Karl Groos, among many, wrote about it a lot and this article is very insightful
www.epjournal.net/wp-content/uploads/ep043303462.pdf especially this bit
"Much research carried out to study the social R&T play of
young human and non-human primates indicates that the activity creates valuable practice
scenarios for complex social interactions that creatures need to undertake in order to become
competent, socially mature adults (Pellegrini and Smith, 1998)."

Ask if they can go out to play in crash helmets, padded jackets, cricket boxes, kevlar vests, goggles and knee pads. that should see them OK

problem is that what one child thinks is play fighting another child may not

Is that problem best solved by banning the behaviour completely, or by helping the children find sensible limits and how to set their own personal boundaries? That's the difference in perspective, between YABU & YANBU camps.

YABU. This kind of attitude is precisely why a whole generation of kids (maybe more) are left completely unable to play - they don't know how ffs! - and spend all day in their bloody rooms playing X-box and other shit!

Lljkk

The problem my ds had was that although he made it clear that he didn't want to play fight, the other boy didn't understand because it was 'just playing'

I don't think it should be banned. But I think it needs good supervision.

But your argument doesn't stand up madge. It just doesn't. Loads of children don't play fight, or do it occasionally, and don't get involved. Are the children who are not playfighting because they don't like it or don't want to do it completely unable to play? really?

There are lots of ways to play, individual children explore risk thru play at variable stages in their development.
Agree about good supervision essential.

Nottiger, I think you are getting a lot of disagreement because your definition of play fighting isn't the same as others on the thread.

Does anyone think playfighting should include actual punching, kicking, hitting (across the face or otherwise) or holding a child in a headlock while another kicks them?

I think what you want is the banning of fighting in the playground, not playfighting.

Have supervised many a playground, full of children very well able to play, and have only once had to stop a couple of boys because they were 'playfighting'. Lots and lots of imaginative games, chase games, ball games, climbing games, horse games, clapping games, cops and robbers type games in different guises, lots of use of climbing frames and climbing tower and bars and the shelter and the balance beams etc etc etc - no lack of play, but no playfighting.

Playfighting is NOT an essential part of play and development. We have lots of children who do karate and judo and even kickboxing in supervised, equipped clubs out of school, but in school we keep our hands and feet to ourselves. Dorsn't seem to be a problem.... so am puzzled by the 'but if you ban playfighting the children can't play' - most of our boys play Mario or tig or football or ride the doodlebugs or chase one another up and over the bars or buid dens....

Play fighting IS an essesntial part of play and development. I would be worried by a teacher who did not know that

I agree the OP with MaryZed about why the OP is getting disagreement. Hitting, kicking and hurting each other is NOT play fighting and I don't think anyone thinks it is.

But the answer is good supervision and teaching children limits and boundaries, not banning genuine play fighting / rough and tumble. I have probably missed the points where the OP made it clear it was actual fighting she has an issue with and not play fighting.

But play is an essential part of school. Hence playtime and playgrounds etc.

Schools are clearly under resourced and teachers over stretched but banning activities vital for social development etc because the schools can't cope is not the answer.

Tbh, once play fighting has reached that level of disruption that makes an adult notice it is happening, it is usually about the right time to intervene anyway. If the events that the OP have stated are escalating to that level, it sounds like the school has a discipline problem in which case a blanket ban will make little difference.

Should the rule not be "We don't touch anyone if they say they don't want us to" or am I being naive? That's what I tell my 5 year old son, who play fights with his sister and friends but has to know when not to, and also to know that if his sister (or anyone) doesn't want to be tickled or bear-hugged that's not allowed ... and the they have to know it works both ways... transferable throughout life and a more useful rule than banning play-fighting IMO.