...to ask DCs school to have a 'no play fighting' rule in the playground

[Nottigermum]

I posted a similar question in primary education, but I just people's honnest opinions about this. My DCs primary school doesn't have any clear rules about play fighting in the playground. I see it at drop off in the mornings, many boys (and some girls) play fight, and it often ends up as one or more than one children getting hurt. One of my kids is often hit, kicked, even smacked in the face - he does participate in the play fighting, and I have to say, I really don't like it and have spoken to him many times about staying away and not getting involved etc but I know he still play fights (and often gets hurt, including having a red hand mark on his face after school because another boy smacked him very hard).

I know that some schools have a strict 'no play fighting' policy in the playground. Do people think it's a bit OTT - that play fighting is normal behaviour and it should be fine in the playground? Do children really know when to stop, or is it too much to expect that a 5 year old will be able to play fight one minute, and then stand in line nicely without pushing a moment later? Or as a parent, are you happy that your school does or doesn't have that rule? Teachers maybe?

And finally, would I be unreasonable to push for the school to have a no play fighting rule in place?

I do want them to "get on with the business of educating my child"

Rough and tumble play being an important part of that

YABU

If you don't want your child play fighting and your child is still doing it, that's something you need to sort out yourself.

No need to stop other kids having fun.

Oh come on! Dont exaggerate .... How many first aid incidents? When I was a TA we saw perhaps 2.... A term!

YABU. Risk taking is part of finding out what risks are acceptable.

Play drive in humans is very strong, and we especially like play with an element of risk/danger to it because we need to learn to how to manage risk. Can't do that without the element of risk, though. SO, I think playfighting within limits is appropriate and part of normal good socialisation.

FWIW Euphemia I'd prefer my DSs to do a little play fighting at primary because it's an important part of their education. As is getting hurt and learning to deal with it, getting upset and learning to deal with it etc etc. I'd prefer they learned hand eye co ordination, risk taking, negotiation etc than some of the crap the National Curriculum decrees (and that they've only had to do all over again once they reach KS3 anyway, leaving them bored witless)

So as a parent, I appreciate the time staff spend doing what you say in your post. Thank you for it - it's important.

I dunno.

While I agree with rough and tumble, and playing around, and even a bit of pushing and shoving (and I'm certainly not over-protective, quite the opposite most of the time), if the type of "playing" is resulting in children being kicked, hit in the fact and hurt, then some sort of guidelines or rules should be enforced.

It can't be just a free-for-all. With bigger kids allowed to thump smaller ones.

There is a middle ground between "no touching, no playing" and "hit and kick anyone else as hard as you like".

feck it, hit in the face and hurt

Kicking other children as hard as you like is not play fighting though. It's just fighting. Which is banned IME.

Play fighting is AMAZING fun! My brother and I used to play fight all the time and some of our funniest memories are of accidentally causing some injury or other. YABVU to want to ban it. School staff have enough to do as it is without adding this to their list of chores to keep dearest Tarquin and Delilah free from bruises and scuffs.

Exactly catgirl.

But the op mentioned the school not having strict rules. There should be strict rules, and then proper "play" fighting would have to be banned.

Yanbu.. I was shocked to see two 6 year old boys, basically ragging one another around the playground red in the face and quite stressed looking, whilst their Mothers stood and looked on calmly.

Rough and tumble is a bit different from play fighting imo. I don't see how hitting and kicking each other is important for 'development' and even pretending to do so could result in some pretty nasty injuries.

Also, a lot of playgrounds are mixed sex now. I certainly wouldn't want play fighting to be the norm in that situation and I'm speaking as a mother of 2 boys.

jaysus, proper "play" fighting wouldn't have to be banned if it was controlled properly, and the children had lines that they knew weren't to be crossed.

They did not look like they were having fun.

Play fighting allows kids to learn their own strength, capabilities, boundaries and other people's.

Kids don't have to participate if they don't want to...but those who do should be allowed to.

Most playgrounds have quiet areas/organised games/other things for kids who don't want to play fight to get on with.

Some very interesting comments!

There are lots of schools that have rules with regards to play fighting or have rules specific to the playground. Some schools have a playground policy - it's not unusual at all. A friend of mine is a teacher in a very large school in London with nearly 900 children, and they have a 'ban' on play fighting. Play fighting is still going on and tolerated if there's no contact, and no 'pretend guns', and if it gets out of hands and there's hitting-kicking-punching the staff have some clear rules as to how to handle it. It gives teachers and support staff a consistant way of dealing with a situation when it does get out of hands.

And that's what's going on at our school - there is too much real punching kicking.

I honnestly don't like it when DS comes back from school and says something like 'now I can beat up all the boys in my class except Billy because he can do karate and kicks me really hard in the nuts'. He's 6! I don't want him to punch and kick, playfight ok yes, but I'm not sure they know the difference!

There's no playfighting at home because DD is still young and she has mild cerebral palsy, but when other boys come here they do playfight as long as they don't actually hit each other.

There's a BIG difference between encouraging play fighting and banning it, Euphemia.

Our school has a 'wrestling mat'. I think that kind of playfighting is ok as they kind of know the rules. No kicking/ pinching etc. but they can roll around on the floor. They also play 'mercy'! (Remember that one?!). I think that's acceptable, but not other playfighting that does involve punching, kicking, pinching. When it's not 'playing' for the other person, it's very hard to tell. It's also hard to tell when it turns into bullying so there do need to be some rules.

My ds1 was being 'bullied' the other day by 2 boys. One was holding him so he couldn't run, and the other was pushing his head into a fence. I saw it (before school) and it was quite vicious. The kids ran off when they saw me coming over so I think they knew it wasn't right either. The school said, "They were just trying to play with your ds." They are 7 years old. I think they know better.

I think your school have crossed the line between play fighting and real fighting Nottigermum.

Play fighting should not be banned but actual fighting should

Play fighting should be monitored to ensure real fighting does not break out and children should be very clear on the boundaries with repercussions if they cross them. Learning this is an important part of education (as is risk taking, falling over, getting hurt, getting upset etc.)

I'd agree with that MaryZ

Play fighting has it's place in child development but not in the playground.

It often goes too far, children are hurt accidentally, and staff time is taken up sorting out various incidents.
Saying no to play fighting prevents any doubt when dealing with cases of aggression- 'play fighting' cannot be given as an excuse.

Children should know that in a school environment hands and feet should be kept to themselves.
Let your children fight at home so I don't have to deal with the inevitable fallout of injuries, upset children and complaining parents.

OP why is your child being disobedient if you've told him no play fighting?

You can't expect the school to step in and ban everything you don't want your child to do because he won't listen to you.