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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to ask DCs school to have a 'no play fighting' rule in the playground

138 replies

Nottigermum · 06/10/2012 11:37

I posted a similar question in primary education, but I just people's honnest opinions about this. My DCs primary school doesn't have any clear rules about play fighting in the playground. I see it at drop off in the mornings, many boys (and some girls) play fight, and it often ends up as one or more than one children getting hurt. One of my kids is often hit, kicked, even smacked in the face - he does participate in the play fighting, and I have to say, I really don't like it and have spoken to him many times about staying away and not getting involved etc but I know he still play fights (and often gets hurt, including having a red hand mark on his face after school because another boy smacked him very hard).

I know that some schools have a strict 'no play fighting' policy in the playground. Do people think it's a bit OTT - that play fighting is normal behaviour and it should be fine in the playground? Do children really know when to stop, or is it too much to expect that a 5 year old will be able to play fight one minute, and then stand in line nicely without pushing a moment later? Or as a parent, are you happy that your school does or doesn't have that rule? Teachers maybe?

And finally, would I be unreasonable to push for the school to have a no play fighting rule in place?

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 06/10/2012 17:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catgirl1976 · 06/10/2012 17:13

The playground is exactly the right place for play. Which should be spontaneous and not stilted.

Actual fighting is not play and should be stopped and dealt with.

It's not difficult.

MaryZed · 06/10/2012 17:14

Oh, come on Worra.

He's at school. Of course he does what the other kids do. And yes, they can learn about their strengths and weaknesses, to a certain extent they can learn about pecking order, they can do a bit of pushing and shoving. But is it really ok for one child to hit another across the face, or for two to hold one down, or for them to kick each other, or to trip each other?

There was a child in my son's class who was very big at the age of about 7. He regularly pushed the others to the ground and basically sat on them. It wasn't nice to watch, the smaller children didn't like him much for it, and he would have been much better off (friendship wise) had he been told not to do it.

MerryCosIWonaGold · 06/10/2012 17:15

What exactly are the boundaries between play fighting and real fighting? I'd be interested.

And I agree with lack of supervision. We have 1 or 2 supervising around 300 kids (infant school).

SunflowersSmile · 06/10/2012 17:17

yanbu op.

Seen plenty of nasty behaviour disguised as play fighting. If there is kicking and hitting going on a close eye in the playground seems sensible. Not a fan of wrestling either which puppy dog boys seem to love- unless they are the reluctant unsuspecting victim being wrestled to the ground which I see happen often. Not so fun for them.

catgirl1976 · 06/10/2012 17:19

The boundary is when the intention is to hurt or cause harm

MerryCosIWonaGold · 06/10/2012 17:21

And how is that intention judged catgirl? "I didn't mean to."

WorraLiberty · 06/10/2012 17:21

Mary of course it's not ok

That's not play fighting is it Confused

catgirl1976 · 06/10/2012 17:25

I would expect an adult to be able to judge when a child has gone too far or misbehaved and be able to deal with it tbh

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 06/10/2012 17:27

And IME if kids want to play fight they probably will - and be VERY inventive about what game they were playing if 'caught' and questioned.

Kalisi · 06/10/2012 17:27

Surely if all the kids involved are actively participating and enjoying themselves than it's fine. A teacher would have to be pretty unobservant to see someone doing the things mentioned above and not intervene. That is called bullying, and yes schools should take a very tough view on that!

MaryZed · 06/10/2012 17:27

But worra, that's what she said in her op - "One of my kids is often hit, kicked, even smacked in the face - he does participate in the play fighting, and I have to say, I really don't like it and have spoken to him many times about staying away and not getting involved etc but I know he still play fights (and often gets hurt, including having a red hand mark on his face after school because another boy smacked him very hard)."

There's no point in her telling him at home to walk away, if all the other kids are allowed to do it. There should be rules and boundaries in school about this.

I would say (at a minimum) the rules should be - no pushing to the ground, no hitting or kicking.

But there are many on this thread who seem to think hitting and kicking is playing. Which is of course fine if you are the parent of the hitter not the hittee.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 06/10/2012 17:29

I disagree. Hitting and kicking are NOT play fighting. Pretending to hit and kick are. If the hit or kick 'lands', that's the signal to stop. Play fighting isn't the same as a free for all.

catgirl1976 · 06/10/2012 17:31

I don't think anyone has said hitting and kicking is playing.

I think they have said it is fighting. Which is not ok.

MaryZed · 06/10/2012 17:31

So if hitting and kicking isn't playfighting, then why is anyone saying the op is being unreasonable? She explained what was happening in her children's school.

She is just saying that there should be a rule that the kids can't hurt each other, which seems pretty reasonable to me [baffled]

catgirl1976 · 06/10/2012 17:32

She is being unreasonable because she wants a blanket "no play fighting" rule in order to combat actual fighting / bullying.

LindyHemming · 06/10/2012 17:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 06/10/2012 17:34

I don't agree Mary

If I tell my kids not to do something and they go ahead and do it anyway...then get hurt it's their fault.

I certainly wouldn't expect all the other kids no to be allowed to play fight because my child wouldn't do as he's told.

catgirl1976 · 06/10/2012 17:34

If she wanted a "no fighting" rule she would not be being unreasonable. Except there probably already is one, it just doesn't sound like it is being enforced, which is the actual issue

MaryZed · 06/10/2012 17:35

No she isn't. She is saying she doesn't want real punching/hitting/kicking.

The first answers on this thread called her prissy and protective and said she was spoiling kids' fun etc etc. But if you read what her posts actually say, she wants the children to stop hurting each other.

I think some people have just read the title and not any of her posts.

MaryZed · 06/10/2012 17:36

So, worra, do you think it's ok for children in a playground to hit each other across the face?

x-posted catgirl - yes, I think she does want a no fighting rule - she said the school should have clear rules, and I think that is reasonable.

catgirl1976 · 06/10/2012 17:36

So if the supervision level is shit, the focus should be on preventing normal behaviour in children which is crucial to their development rather than addressing that?

Why not just chain them up to the railings out of reach of each other?

WorraLiberty · 06/10/2012 17:37

So, worra, do you think it's ok for children in a playground to hit each other across the face?

No, but again that isn't play fighting.

catgirl1976 · 06/10/2012 17:38

If she wants a "no fighting rule" she isnt being U.

If she wants a "no play fighting rule" she is being U.

If she worded her title "AIBU .to ask DCs school to have a 'no play fighting' rule in the playground" then I am not being U to make the assumption she wants a "no play fighting rule".

MaryZed · 06/10/2012 17:38

So then, you actually agree with the op.

catgirl, I suspect most schools can find a happy medium between chaining them to the railings (tempting as that might be Grin) and a free for all.