Men are bad ladies are good

[Joiningthegang]

My 3dc had a school assembly where they talked about what to do if you get lost.

Please bear in mind this is the translated by the kids version.

If they get lost they should find a lady - preferably who has children, then other ladies, then men, because they arcane be bad.

Aibu to be cross that my boys aged 6 and 4 are being given negative messages about being male. I am also cross that this sounds like "stranger danger" again when children are far more at risk from non-strangers.

Sooooo - aibu to send an email to the head (and suggestions of how to say it much appreciated.

I think children are probably more likely to be hurt/injured or emotionally harmed during the 'looking for an appropriate person to ask for help' bit than actually hurt by someone they ask for help.

A young child, upset, frightened, on their own, trying to find a shop or a person in uniform can't be better than just asking someone to help them. They'll be getting further away from you, possibly crossing roads, more and more upset and distressed.

I also think that 'what to do when you get lost' advice needs to be based on the individual child and not generalised.

I see where you're coming from.

I tell you what, if it were a racial thing I wouldn't dream of using a little prejudice to tweak the odds in the favour of safety. Thank God it isn't, I don't even want to think about that.

My last post responding to BobsDaddy, BTW.

But the odds of anything happening are slim anyway. The important thing is that the child gets help not what the sex of the person offering help is.

To encourage children pick someone to help because of their sex sends very mixed messages to children.

I would tell DS to go to staff member or to a family if no staff around and stay in a busy public place not get in a car or go anywhere quiet. I still think the tiny possibility of a child asking a random male passerby to help and him turning out to be a danger doesn't in my mind justify painting men as more dangerous in my sons mind.

I think my advice would cover most bases.

The most famous cases of child murders and abuse are people they know (family friends and nursery staff), random abductions (ie not them getting lost and asking for help but actually being snatched) and other children doing it.

oh and when he was much smaller (ie preschool) our agreement was that if he ever got separated from me in a shop he was the stand still and yell "MUUUUUMMMMM!" as loud as he could and not to stop until I arrived.

Worked a treat.

sounds like something out of Dr Seuss :o

DameKewcumber
If you say 'don't ask a man for help' that will paint men as dangerous.

But if you say 'ask a mummy with children' I don't think that does paint men as dangerous. As someone mentioned earlier in the thread, kids don't get subtleties - so they're probably not into logical inversion of statements.

yes, as I said I'd say "ask a lady with children" because there are likely to be more of them around than men with children. If he did go to a man with children the subtelty wouldn't bother me. Just someone who has their own children, and is likely to understand the gut wrenching fear. That said I don't really understand why "with children" is safer than "without"

I prefer "family" (splitting hairs) myself because I've never heard of a child spirited away in broad daylight with a while family in tow - not because I think the adult is any safer per se - just that the situation is safer IYSWIM.

I think the 'with children' thing is not necessarily about safety, it is just about finding someone who will be calm and no what to do.

Don't approach teenagers they are worse than useless

yes very good point. Exactly that I suppose. The logistics of taking my child would surely be huge if you had your own in tow

But why the need to differentiate between the sexes at all? Why not just say "ask someone with children"? It doesnt make any difference if that is a mum/dad/grandad/aunt/uncle really!

'cos menz is bad?

What if there is nobody with children around?

don't ask a man, don't ask a man, don't ask a man

Its just a simple mental picture, something to remember to look for when you are panicking - someone in uniform - shop assistant, police, beach patrol etc... or a lady with a buggy/ children.

If the child says 'could I ask a man with children' I would say 'yes of course' but 99% of the time unless you lose them at a model train convention you are going to loose your kid in a place where there are more women with children around than men with children.

true Sirzy, and I'll probably use family from now on. In giving instructions I am just trying to be clear and not confuse DS any more than he is already confused by there being bad people in the world :(

OMC is that at me? I tell DS first to go to sonmeone behind a till - man or woman I don't care. I then Say go to a lady with a pushchair simply because I believe there will be loads of them around.

(I am Infinity BTW on this thread, not sockpuppeting!)

That first para is just incoherent.

Re the second para: I suppose that is the nub of the matter: weighing up "men's lib" versus reducing the chance of anything bad happening to your child from tiny to less than tiny.

It is incoherent because the proposition in the first sentence isn't followed by argument in its favour. It is followed by 'none of this happens very often' repeated in three slight variations.

Indeed, none of this does happen very often. But that doesn't make the first statement any more or less true.