to not send my boy to nursery because of the little girl's abduction all over the news.

[YesAnastasia]

It's not that I think it will happen to him but it's on my mind, on all the news and everyone's taking about it and it makes me want to have him sat on my lap 24/7. You can't help but imagine what if it were you, can you?

Nursery seems disorganised at best at the moment and I just want to keep him at home for the rest of the week. Is that bad?

MrsDevere
It is awful. I am sorry you have experienced it.

The sad thing is that I think it is becoming a kind of model for how grief should be expressed. It is not questioned really and being as affected as possible by an event on the news is becoming a sign of caring.
It's odd.

Oh wow that thread in Chat is seriously odd. Some people really need a job/hobby, or is being professionally horrified a full-time job these days?

Pagwatch your comment about this kind of reaction becoming normal reminds me of what happened at work when Princess Diana died. Two colleagues practically set up shrines to her, went to lay flowers in whatever park it was, went to the funeral (well, stood in the crowds) and thought the rest of us were heartless bitches.

The thing is, I think it's actually only a minority of people but they are the ones you see and hear. Most of us shuffle off embarrassed rather than call them on it.

How very angry some people are, just because I had urge to have my son stay at home with me today. And I'm over reacting?

I have absolutely no desire to OWN this tragedy, be connected to it or show how I feel about it in any way. I don't even know that much about it. Just that it's happened & it's horrifying.

I read a book called 'A crime in the neighbourhood' a few months ago, subsequently I was very insecure when I wasn't with them. That was fiction. I didn't have a sick need to make it all about myself...I should have referred to that instead.

I had to check the nursery playground for loose cords/rope on his first day too. If you think any of that's sick, self indulgent, attention seeking or whatever hideous labels that have been attached to me in the last few hours, I'd rather not know. That kind of behaviour appals me just as much as some of you, but that isn't this.

A few of you understood where I was coming from - that hearing dreadful things (even having a nightmare the night before or being pre-menstrual) sometimes makes me feel a little bit clingy, over-protective and a bit anxious. Not because I feel it might happen to me, just an insecure feeling.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim had my back. A voice of impartial reason. Thank you.

I think this faux caring stuff is yet another symptom of our "its all about me" culture. Its all over the place and shows like X-factor are the worst for it. Tulissa crying because it is so hard to tell people that they won't get through to the live shows. FGS!!!!! It is so phoney but we are surrounded by that kind of crap all the time & it rubs off. Doesn't mean anything & won't change anything, but hey we're all supposed to feel better disposed to Tulissa because she had a blub about other people's misfortune.

Oh, by the way. He went to nursery. He wanted to.

I posted because I know I need to get a grip some days.

maillotjaune, I agree that the reaction to Diana's death seemed very the top but afterwards it was discovered the rate of admission to psychiatric care was greatly reduced and the number of suicides decreased as well

Out poring if grief is not something we do well as a country, we bottle it up. People used Diana's death to grieve their own loved ones even if they didn't now that is what they were doing

Op
I think you to lots of posts understanding the impulse to be more protective but encouraging you to be rational.
If you have concerns about the nursery then that is completely rational and you should act upon. But distant effects don't change the reality of risk, just your perception of it.

The discussion has included comments about the other threads in chat. I wouldn't assume that they are aimed at you.
Discussions move on and expand around the subject.

I'm not angry.

I have an opinion. But I'm not angry.

If you weren't engaging in that behaviour, it probably wasn't wise to start yet another thread on the subject.

Your question was to ask if you were being unreasonable in not sending your child to nursery because of what happened to someone else, somewhere else. And the general feeling was that it was an unreasonable response. Natural to focus your attention and re-evaluate. But unreasonable to let it stop you doing something as normal as letting your child go to nursery.

If a fictional book can make you that anxious about your children then I'd say you do need help with anxiety, because it really isn't normal to react on such a personal way to external events.

I tried to have the conversation with my kids last night about strangers and for the first time also about going off with people they know because I know most children obviously come to harm at the hands of someone that they know. Just hate that I've had to have these talks, it's so hard to explain to them without scaring them and being OTT.

Yy Hopeforever.
The Diana effect was a good thing in some ways as it was acceptable to show grief and be open about loss. The withdrawal from the notion of 'stiff upper lip' was a good thing.

I think it has just evolved a bit now and sometimes people are forgetting that to grieve you must personally have suffered loss and grieving for a stranger is in danger of diminishing the loss of those people actually involved

People used Diana's death to grieve their own loved ones even if they didn't now that is what they were doing That's interesting. I hadn't thought about it like that.

I was embarrassed, frankly, about the way the 'public' responded to Diana's death. Her children were composed and were filmed comforting strange adults over in their reaction (wailing in the street) to their mother's death.

I hadn't really considered that they might have been doing what you suggested.

FolkGirl Yep. I was. So I took him to nursery.

Some of the contributors here are angry. Disproportionately so.

It's grossly unfair to assume others don't get it. They do. It is an almost biological reaction, that when another mother suffers, you feel a basic need to mother your own.

It's when people over react that's the problem. It's something you just do quietly without your dcs realising at all.

HopeForever that is interesting, had no idea, it just seemed odd to me but thinking about the people I knew who reacted to Diana in this way, what you said makes sense (generally very reserved etc). I learn something useful every day on mn!

Hmmmm, I really do wonder about people using Diana's death to grieve for their own losses.

I think the most telling thing about Diana's death is the response you get from so many people:
"Oh, it was awful I had to lay flowers outside Kensington Palace"
"I was beside myself with upset, couldn't stop crying all weekend"
"So sad, I just couldn't stop thinking about those poor boys"

This happens so often about so many events these days. People are more concerned about their reaction, than what is actually happening - because it has to be all about me & my feelings!

Coming late, but I do think that keeping a child out of nursery because a child is missing is an hysterical response.

Children go missing all the time.
Around the world lots of children suffer, disappear, die of hunger, are murdered and tortured.

While I feel very sorry for all cases, including this, it really doesn't take over my life and doesn't prevent me or my son from going about our normal lives.

even if I am actually under the more real threat of him being at some point abducted by his father

I think the OP has been treated a little unfairly. She has concerns about her child's nursery and this little girl's abduction has made her focus on the possibility of such a thing happening to her own child. I don't think she is unusual in that. If she didn't have underlying concerns about the nursery, she probably wouldn't be thinking this way (keeping her child home).

I wouldn't put her in the same league as the people who are on that other thread.

Because losing a child is everyone's worst nightmare, it's quite hard not to imagine yourself in the other parents position. However vigilant you are, as a parent, something bad could still happen to your child and that is a very scary thought and the news just reminds us of that fact.

I do agree that people should stay off fb and those ghoulish threads.

People should go to see tear-jerkers or horror films if they want titillation or an outlet for their emotions. That's what they're for, right?

Hijacking someone's actual real life troubles to feed your own emotional needs is a bit...weird and distasteful.

karma - which is exactly why you need to come on here & be reminded of the fact that the liklihood of something bad happening to your child is extremely small - particularly if you are already being sensible about how you look after them.

Perhaps the OP should have made herself a little clearer then, Karma.

Because what she actually asked was should she keep her child away from nursery because of what is currently in the news.

The answer to that is "no".

If she has concerns about the nursery then they would exist whether a child had been abducted or not.

The Diana thing is interesting, because it was the start of this sort of behaviour.

I think in her case, it was shock, because it was so unexpected. I also think that part of it was a way to show disapproval towards the royal family. There was a perception that her treatment had been unfair and the public outpouring was redressing the balance, in a way.

It has started off though, this over sentimentalised behaviour by people who never knew the victims of the tragedies they are publicly crying over.

Karma, that's the point. No place is 100% secure.
A determined criminal will get there if he/she really wants to. No matter how secure a nursery is.

Even if a child is at home it could be at risk.

It is a very small chance, I agree. But the fact is, these things do happen to some people and when they do, it is an uncomfortable reminder that you cannot legislate for everything.

Agree that you still need to get on with your own business and just do the best you can, for your own dc.