To think other mothers should keep their traps shut

[zozzle]

My kids usually arrive in the primary school playground for second bell or a few seconds later (first bell goes at 8.45am to tell kids to go leave playground and go into cloakrooms and hang bags up etc, second at 8.50am to announce start of lessons). Not ideal i know - my poor excuse is that I'm not a morning person. My kids are doing well at school and we've only ever had one late mark in 4 years.

I can just about tolerate jokey comments from mothers about "getting a move on" etc. but one mother actually said in all seriousness, on an occasion that I was earlier, "This is the first time I've seen you in the playground at the same time as all the other parents". WTF!!

Does anyone else experience this and if so how do you respond? .

LaQueen.

Very true

Why not get up 5 minutes earlier? Or is that too complicated

It's obviously easy to say, but if there's some underlying psychology keeping the person late, then it's not that simple. E.g. for someone with a fear of being on time in case they have to socialise/chat, it will feel even worse to them to be on time and worry that someone might try to make small talk, than the feeling of guilt about being late. It's really not that they "don't care" about being late, it's that the alternative feels worse.

Interesting, YouMayLogOut. I hadn't considered that as a reason for lateness. It makes sense for some people.

I do think that we all have a duty to try and sort out our underlying psychology so it's not to the detriment of our children. In fact I'd say it's one of out prime responsibilities. And I say that as someone with underlying ishoos

If the first bell is for entering the school from the playground then that's when your children should be entering the school.

And that's the moment everyone leaves, so you wouldn't be standing around chatting to people who should 'keep their traps shut' as you so charmingly put it.

Do you have some problem with being there in time for them to go in on the firts bell along with everyone else? As in the YouMayLog's post? If so, fair enough, just say so.

wow, I sounded sanctimonious

Agree with LaQueen, OP your kids may be doing well but their lateness may mean that other people's children do not get the time or focus they deserve. Arriving late is antisocial so I am not surprised if other parents find it annoying.

We aren't late very often but the bit I find hard about the morning routine (after getting out of bed itself) is getting out of the door, the last five or ten minutes.

You need to start that bit actually five or ten minutes before you think you need to, with an under 5 especially. It can take an interminable amount of time to get a 3 year old's coat on and pick up a nursery bag, even if everything is ready by the door. On the other hand DD1 (7) can do it in rapid quick time if necessary. Also if we were a bit late, just with DD1, we can make up time by running/walking quicker! But DD2 typically won't be hurried. If we're late, we're late, that's it. By the time DD2 is 5 or 6 we'll probably never be late.

I used to suffer terribly at times from insomnia, much better now. But that made getting out of bed and doing the morning routine very hard indeed, especially when I had only just got off to sleep.

Yes, the morning is hard. It so tiresome, and awful when everyone's in a bad mood and snarling at each other and you leave them there in a bad mood with each other

There is a primary school at the end of our road. We live near enough to hear the bell. I am constantly amazed at the stream of people who go past our door as or after the bell has gone - dozens every day. Some of them sit in their cars with their DCs and get out when they hear the bell - which btw goes at 9.

The school is in the middle of a large open area and I know from exercising down there that for a small child, getting from our door into a classroom, having taken coat off etc would take 5 mins. So every day, dozens of them are late.

IMO this leads on a continuum to adulthood and you end up like a former colleague of mine for whom the time of the appointment meant it was time to set off - so for say a doctors appointment at 3, she would leave her house at three. In her world, the time leading up to an appointment is her time, and the time of the appointment is the time set aside to do that activity. I have known us be in our office a half hour drive from a client and not set off until the meeting time, because to her, that's not late - from the moment we left the office we were on that client's business, so that made it Ok .

We are all late at times, usually owing to unforeseen circumstances, but being late for everything is pathological and rude.

My mother made us late for school every day. If anything, it made me hugely anxious of being late. I'm usually now too early for everything.

Our school have a hardcore definition of lateness - they just shut the gates. If you're in before the gates shut then you'll get into class during milling about time, and won't be in the slightest danger of missing the register. Given that, I feel relaxed about sometimes cutting it fine as long as we're in under the wire (which we always are). I do get that running in while everyone else is sitting neatly waiting for their register names would be a PITA.

re OP: YABU. If other mothers kept their traps shut, there would be no MN.

I always feel quite sorry for the children of the people who are always late. They always look stressed and like they have been shouted at all morning. I want them to have a calm, nice morning and arrive at school happy. I think children deserve a good start to their day as once at school it's all go go go and not homely. When I think of going off to work myself, a stressful morning could affect the whole day.

My dm was always 15 minutes late though - not just as the bell's gone.

"Not a morning person"

What sort of an example are you setting your DCs with that attitude??? Set you alarm earlier and show them how to get out of the door on time - they'll have to do it for work one day.

Can't believe how any people think YABU, this woman sounds super rude. yANBU

I think she was rude to say that OP but I do think it is a shame for kids when their parents are always late. My best friend and her DH are persistently late for everything and their kids absolutely hate it and find it really stressful. If i were you I would try to get there a bit earlier.

I would love to set Xenia onto the OP

Why is she rude though? She's just making an observation. And I guess if you're not there on time like other people, then she doesn't know anything about you. Perhaps she was trying to make conversation with the one thing she did know about you.

I hate this. I know a number of mums who won't be late enough to get a late mark and have to do the walk of shame via the office but will be there a minute or 2 after the final bell has gone, by which point most children are sat at their desks ready to start the day, only to be interrupted and delayed by latecomers. It may not matter so much at primary school but surely it is best to set an example so when they start secondary school they learn to be on time.
Imagine how pissed off you would be if at the end of your shift at work, you are counting down the minutes to leave and your colleague who is coming in, saunters in a few minutes late, casual as you like, saying "oh its only a minute don't get stressed about it".

I'm not a latecomer myself, but I do recognise that dealing with ishoos isn't as easy as "just deal with it" for some people.

And I too would have less patience with the "can't be arsed" lot.

Yep.
Everything laqueen said.