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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think other mothers should keep their traps shut

156 replies

zozzle · 03/10/2012 09:38

My kids usually arrive in the primary school playground for second bell or a few seconds later (first bell goes at 8.45am to tell kids to go leave playground and go into cloakrooms and hang bags up etc, second at 8.50am to announce start of lessons). Not ideal i know - my poor excuse is that I'm not a morning person. My kids are doing well at school and we've only ever had one late mark in 4 years.

I can just about tolerate jokey comments from mothers about "getting a move on" etc. but one mother actually said in all seriousness, on an occasion that I was earlier, "This is the first time I've seen you in the playground at the same time as all the other parents". WTF!!

Does anyone else experience this and if so how do you respond? .

OP posts:
Noqontrol · 03/10/2012 11:00

The ops child might have only had one late mark, but if she's getting there when the bell have rung for lessons, and ops child still needs to get her coats and bags sorted whilst everyone is headed for lessons, then she is late. It only works for the op because all the other kids are on time. If they chose to arrive just after the bell it would take ages for the lessons to start. Aside from that I think its good for the kids to have a catch up in the playground and see their friends in free time before classes actually start.

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 03/10/2012 11:00

How on earth were you cutting the toast wrongly!? Grin

She sounds like a control freak!

StellaNova · 03/10/2012 11:01

I wouldn't judge you for being late, it's none of my business - I probably wouldn't even notice.

But I might well say something like the other mum said, just because it would be true - I wouldn't think that it would upset you. I know it depends on how it was delivered but that can be quite subjective I think. I'd just take what peopel say at face value, it makes life much easier. If they mean it to be rude and you don't take it as being rude, then you have won because they haven't had the effect they wanted, and if they didn't mean to be rude then all is well anyway.

WilsonFrickett · 03/10/2012 11:03

I always feel sorry for the kids whose mums/dads are always late or the last ones. I always feel they have a sad look on their face

Really?

oldraver · 03/10/2012 11:05

I'm not a morning person and do struggle with getting up 'early' no matter what time I go to sleep, waking up around 9am is far more natural for me. So I have to . make a huge effort to be there on time. DC's who arrive after lessons start do distrupt the class and the teacher has to try and settle them when others are working so I think YABU with this.

Person in the playground shouldn't of been rude but maybe she is pissed off with the disruption your kids will cause to others.... your DC's maybe doing well but maybe others need to settle down and not have other DC'd tripping in when their parents can be arsed

Ephiny · 03/10/2012 11:05

They should mind their own business. But - if you are always late, you might want to think she might have had a point, and maybe set your alarm 10 minutes earlier?

(I am always rushing/late for everything Blush, but if I had kids would try to get myself together for their sake!)

aufaniae · 03/10/2012 11:07

Cutting the toast was wrong, full stop, apparently, as it had honey on it and it would go everywhere.

I just ignored her - it was too ridiculous to take seriously! DS finds it hard to eat crusty-bread toast if it's not cut in half, but I didn't feel the need to explain this to her. Ignoring ridiculous people is a skill I'm learning as I get older. When I was younger I would have had to prove my point.

I cut it, DS enjoyed his toast. And the honey did not go everywhere, in case you're wondering Grin.

It was just one of many such comments! She's a clean-freak, and we have a house that's full of clutter. I think she couldn't get her head round it and thought it was her job to explain to us how to live. My house will never be a clinically clean show-home, but it's full of love and people and clutter and I like it as it is, thanks very much :)

Saltycopporn · 03/10/2012 11:09

Before I make a judgement.... We're you wearing clothes/shoes or your dressing gown/slippers. I'm sure it was intended as banter by the way Wink

Floggingmolly · 03/10/2012 11:09

Getting one late mark in four years just means op's kids have only been so late they've missed actual registration once; (this would be really late),
it doesn't follow that the rest of the time they're what everyone else would consider "on time".

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 03/10/2012 11:17

Cat bum months still in full flow i see.

nochipsthanks · 03/10/2012 11:18

It would annoy me too, OP. It is not what is said, more the feeling that you are going about your life quite happily and the you discover someone out there is taking note of what you do, and passing some sort of judgement.

I had this yesterday. went out for lunch with a friend and a friend of hers, whom I have only met twice. It was a pub lunch and I had a cup of tea, and this friend of the friend said very pointedly 'what, no alcohol then?'. I felt really pissed off- the first time I met her was at another pub lunch, where yes I had wine, and the second time was at a girlie dinner when I had- yes wine. This woman does not drink at all, so I felt pretty judged.

I hate people who pass little snide comments like this. [Glaring at neighbour who said last week 'oh we wondered if you would EVER get the lawn cut'. It is a fucking wildlife meadow wannabe, mate. not really the lawnmower broke. ]

redskyatnight · 03/10/2012 11:24

It was just an idle comment - people do tend to comment on the different/unusual. I am pathologically early to get to school but the one day I am late you can guarantee that quite a few mums will mention "running late today?" Same thing as when I don't turn up in work clothes, I get asked "no work today?".

I agree with others up thread that I think you could get there 5 minutes earlier and it would be better for your DC/less disruptive. But if you are happy to cut it fine that's your business. However I suspect you're not that happy - hence a random comment by a parent has bothered you.

akaemmafrost · 03/10/2012 11:25

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. They're NOT late.

CuriousMama · 03/10/2012 11:32

I think it's up to the school surely? If they had concerns they'd mention it?

simperingsally · 03/10/2012 11:39

It would annoy me too.
My dd just started nursery, and we have to be there anytime between 8.45 -9. I have been one of the last ones to arrive always before 9 but two days ago I heard another mum say look theres x's mum late again.
I was not bloody late it was 5 to 9. Im 8 weeks pg with horrible morning sickness. Its not my fault I had to run up to the loo and be sick.
I just burst into tears when I got home. Cant believe someones judging me already.

Rant over. Sorry for hijacking.

oldraver · 03/10/2012 11:45

OP stated that her DC's arrive 6 after the bell that signals the start of lessons, so they are late. Maybe not late enough for a late mark but enough to not start lessons at the same time as the rest of the class. This WILL cause disruption and isnt fair on others who make the effort.

School may not say anything at the moment but you will have been noticed as the one that always poles in late. It is other peoples business if you disrupt the flow of the start of lessons....selfish IMO

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere · 03/10/2012 11:57

Being late is stressful. Do yourself a favour and be on time.
Seriously, I hate early mornings but I have learnt that life is much easier if you get your arse in gear.
I get up at 6.30. I could get away with leaving it an hour later but then I would be rushing and snappy. The kids would dig their heels in (as kids do when they are hurried) and I would leave them at school feeling guilty for being such a miserable cow.
So I get up early and get myself ready before getting the kids up.
My DC4 has just started school. DC5 is in a nursery near by and DC3 goes to a different primary.
Tbh it feels like the school run from hell ATM. I bloody hate it. I do what I can to make it easier, for me that means getting up earlier.

BeatTheClock · 03/10/2012 11:59

If the op and dc are arriving late it's between her and the school. They're not though, they're arriving in the nick of time.

I agree that arriving in the nick of time regularly isn't ideal because it doesn't give dc a calm start to the day, but it's not up to other parents to chatise her about it.

You can't stop people noticing these things and inevitably having an opinion on it because they will, but yes, I agree ticking someone off is taking noticing too far. Leave it to the school to sort out if it's a problem.

I'm not a morning person' though does sound flakey.

schnauzerfan · 03/10/2012 12:09

Just leave 5 minutes earlier.

Original poster
zozzle · 03/10/2012 12:11

No - Oldraver - think you've misunderstood - I said arrive for second bell (which is start of lessons) or up to one minute after (not 6).

OP posts:
Original poster
zozzle · 03/10/2012 12:15

Simpering Sally - I sympathise. I would have said somthing back if I'd have heard that!

Mums are a judging lot unfortunately (especially the snidey, morning observant ones in my experience!)

OP posts:
OneMoreChap · 03/10/2012 12:16

zozzle I think the 6 was a typo.

After the bell, be it a second or a minute is late.
And rude.
And discourteous.

Still, she shouldn't have said anything to you.
I'd have just mentally sneered.

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere · 03/10/2012 12:17

If you a minute after start of lessons you are late.
No getting away from that.
Just leave earlier.

Mollydoggerson · 03/10/2012 12:19

The persistent lateness is a bit disrespectful, if everyone else wass equally as late, the class would be delayed.

You are taking liberties by being the consistent late one, banking on others punctuality so as not to disrupt the morning lesson. It p1sses people off.

FerrisBueller1972 · 03/10/2012 12:19

Zozzle - just because you have one mark over four years for being late does not mean that arriving after the 2nd bell (which is the start of lessons) is ok.

Rude or not, she had a point, you take umbrage because she is right, simples

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