To think other mothers should keep their traps shut

[zozzle]

My kids usually arrive in the primary school playground for second bell or a few seconds later (first bell goes at 8.45am to tell kids to go leave playground and go into cloakrooms and hang bags up etc, second at 8.50am to announce start of lessons). Not ideal i know - my poor excuse is that I'm not a morning person. My kids are doing well at school and we've only ever had one late mark in 4 years.

I can just about tolerate jokey comments from mothers about "getting a move on" etc. but one mother actually said in all seriousness, on an occasion that I was earlier, "This is the first time I've seen you in the playground at the same time as all the other parents". WTF!!

Does anyone else experience this and if so how do you respond? .

Just set off 5 minutes earlier.

Not being a morning person is a crap excuse, if you can get there for 8.50, you can surely make a bit of an effort and get there 5 minutes earlier.

Strangely my friend is never late for work - must think that's more important than causing her kids to be stressed.

Well, I imagine that is because the kids aren't with her...

The people who annoy me the most are the mums who turn up early, shove their kids out of the car and drive off to work leaving the kids unattended in the playground. That affects me personally because these kids then run riot and start playing footie with a heavy leather football that has actually knocked a child out. But still they do it.

Well maybe they have to get to work on time? If they are flouting school policy then fine. But you are allowed to drop off 10 minutes early as DD1's school as they are then supervised by staff.

I don't call it late unless you've missed the register or are in some way delaying others. Arriving in the playground as the bell goes (signalling the kids to line up) or arriving just as they are starting to go in or even just after isn't late, it's called ON TIME. I like to be on time, not early, not late.

And arriving ten minutes early for a birthday party is a lot more rude than arriving ten minutes late.

Tubby, what difference does it make to you? Does her being late impact on your life? Does it hold you up or stop the school from operating? Do you think her kids miss an education because they might not be there for the start of the register?

Unless you can come up with a bloody good reason why her being a bit late (i.e. getting there at the second bell) either affects you in any way then I'm afraid it's simply none of your business so why don't you go on the drugs threads currently in active and cast your judgement over that way?

THERhubarb

Looks hard and decides yes, this is AIBU.

Tubby, what difference does it make to you?

And what difference does Tubby 's opinion make to you?

As you say...

I'm afraid it's simply none of your business so why don't you go on the drugs threads currently in active and cast your judgement over that way?

It's a fine line between second bell and being properly late. The other Mum may not be timing you to that extent, just noticing you're late. BTW do you live v close to the school? That can be more difficult sometimes than being further away, you think you have more time than you do.

OneMoreChap I'll meet you there then shall I?

That can be more difficult sometimes than being further away, you think you have more time than you do.

This.

THERhubarb Thank you for the invite; I've joined you

Yeah but I'm bored now OneMoreChap, you missed the good bits

Schools give 'late' marks if the miss registration.

Your kids are arriving in the playground when everyone else has hung up their coat and bag and sat at their desks. So they are late, just not late enough to get a late mark.

The woman made a simple statement of fact. Laugh and say 'true', or ignore it. Is it really such a huge deal?

At 'our' primary the Head would be greeting you outside the gate every morning saying 'come on, everyone should be in the building by now'.

I wouldn't say anything to you but I would notice and think it. I hate regular lateness, it is so rude. It is as if you think your time is more important than everyone else's.

This is a very funny thread. Lots of Mums on here who seem to have nothing to do than comment on what other people do. What a load of busy bodies! Some people need to get a life.

Op, if she makes another comment I would look at her then look away. You might feel better if you get there a few minutes earlier but in reality you haven't been late and certainly don't need to justify yourself (least of all to her).

'Lots of mums on here who seem to have nothing to do than comment on what other people do'

I hate to break it to you hun but that is what Aibu is for :) lolz

She has been late. Every day except one! 'Late' for official purposes on the register is one thing, late to be sitting at your desk as soon as the bell goes is also late.

I wouldn't comment - if she is bringing her kids up to be arriving as everyone else is sitting down, that's up to her. But if someone made that comment to me about one of my habits (never cleaning my car, for example) I would shrug or laugh. It's true, after all - my choice, my responsibility, people shouldn't have to pretend I keep it all nice and clean or even hide the fact that it is noticable.

DS has never been officially late.
We do arrive just as the whistle goes though, and are walking down as others are walking back up.

Our excuse is that DS cannot bear people walking behind him. Especially if they are talking.
It's not ideal, and sometimes people do faces as we rush down last, but they can nob off.

You've been late 1 time.

So the other times, you're just arriving after everyone else. Not late.

Ignore!

YANBU. What she said was factually correct but also totally uncalled for. She should mind her own business and if she can't think of anything polite/nice to say, not say anything at all.

Yes I've had similar. Us mums don't cover ourselves in glory do we?
I've also had mums blank me when trying to impress other mums and magically speak to me when the 'uber mums' are not around. Talk about two faced social climbing hypocrites!!! Yes it makes me mad. Why can't mums be consistently pleasant to each other? Oh there goes a flying elephant.....

With you op, none of her business tbh. If you were persistently late then the school would let you know..

As a TA it's the parents who pick up persistently late that fuck me off!!

Ignore her, if she says it again as a previous poster said simply keep saying pardon, we pardon.. Love that advice..

looks like you have built a reputation for being late.Recognize that tardiness, especially consistent tardiness, is a trait that illustrates your lack of respect for others. It also suggests that you think that you are more important than those who are waiting . Ultimately this arrogant nature will eventually create feelings of animosity from other people
On the flip side, your tardiness may be illustrating lack of self-esteem. Perhaps you think that your presence doesn't really matter.
its not a good example to set your children......rude arogant,rush ,not organised,not a good thing when they start work is it ?.

What 5foot5 said. For all you know op her children whinge at their morning routine because you come swanning in and they can't see why they can't see why they can't do the same. The first bell is for a reason. By the second bell the children are clearly supposed to be ready to start. Yours isn't. Therefore whilst you may not be late enough to merit a late mark, you are disrupting other people. It's a bit arrogant to think "I'm not a morning person so tough luck plebs" about all the others who do bother to honour the system.

" ... I said arrive for second bell (which is start of lessons) or up to one minute after."

"I just think other mothers should butt out and worry about their own kids I guess."

But they are worrying about their own kids - and the effect that YOUR lateness is having on them. You and your children at turning up at the start of lessons. I presume at that point, the other children are sitting waiting to start. And waiting for your DC to get their coats off, seated etc. So YOUR lateness is affecting their children - delaying the actual start of lessons. EVERY DAY.

Sorry, but I don't buy the 'not a morning person' excuse. Neither am I. That's why I get up SO early, so that I have enough time to clutch a cup of tea and move from comatose to lucid. I don't like it, but I do it.

I'm a teacher and find it's always the same students arriving late every day. It only takes a week or so for a reputation to build up. Some students arrive late on their first day; some arrive late to their interview.

One thing I've noticed is that each of them thinks allowances should be made for them. They expect me to start to tell them what they should be doing, when if they'd been in on time they would have heard it with the others. In a mixed ability class I would far rather spend my time helping someone who was in on time who's struggling rather than repeating myself to the person who's come in late.

Quite often I'll get "You're going too fast" as I'm trying to go through a fifteen minute introduction to a new topic in five minutes because I want to get back to the class.

It's disrespectful of the others to always be late.

Not only that, children like to have a chat and a run round when they first see their friends. You're depriving them of that. They are arriving in class flustered and they are expected to settle down quickly, when they want to speak to their friends. What tends to happen is that they talk to their friends regardless and that disruption means less learning takes place.

If you want what's best for your kids, OP, then you'll get yourself out of bed an hour earlier and get them to school on time.

Why not get up 10 minutes earlier - your kids might prefer it?

I wouldn't say anything. I'd bitch in my own head because I find persistent lateness really hard to understand in most cases, but I wouldn't say anything.