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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think my DH should not have...

58 replies

oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 29/09/2012 21:51

Spent the afternoon in the pub with his mates and our 6yr old son.

Usually on a Saturday I take our DD out for breakfast with my mum, dad and sister, then we go horse riding. My DH usually takes our DS to play football then watch football at one of our local league clubs which DS loves.

However, this week I got a new job, and went into work all day to sort things out so I asked my mum if she could have DD all day so that DH and DS could do their usual football thing. I found out last night that his playing football was cancelled due to rain but my sister still wanted to take DD out for breakfast so I said that this was fine.

I got home about 6pm. I rang DH on way home and he said they were in pub. I thought they had gone for a quick pint after the match. My mum has just text me to say that there was no football this afternoon - he and DS spent the afternoon in the pub watching random matches on sky etc.
I am livid!

To top it off, he put tea in the oven and then said 'do you mind if I go to the pub whilst its cooking.' I said no as I felt sorry for him being with kids all day and me being at work. Then my mum text me and I found out the truth!

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 29/09/2012 21:53

Is the pub horrible, and was your DS bored? If not, then what's the problem?

Xroads · 29/09/2012 21:54

Probably not ideal, but as a one off maybe if your ds said he was okay and your dh was still in a reasonable condition. Bit cheeky of him to ask to go back to the pub, he should have been honest - that's the bit I would mainly object to tbh.

If he is usually an attentive father and husband I'd say i'd prefer it if he didn't take ds to the pub for the afternoon but I wouldn't be livid tbh.

WorraLiberty · 29/09/2012 21:55

What's the problem?

If your DS wasn't happy to stay there watching football I'm sure he would have told his Dad?

MikeLitoris · 29/09/2012 21:55

Will an afternoon in the pub do him any harm?

My dc always nag to go with dp when he goes.

Original poster
oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 29/09/2012 21:56

Haven't asked my DS if he was bored cos only just found out.
The pub is neither horrible or nice- its a pub!
The problem is that my mum, who has a lot to deal with generally at the moment, has looked after my DD all day because she didn't want to watch football and my husband was doing this with DS.
my DH could have spent some time with her and saved mum mum the trouble. He hardly ever spends time with her because of the Saturday split.

OP posts:
Original poster
oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 29/09/2012 21:57

My mum didn't need to look after DD, as DH could have!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 29/09/2012 22:00

I must say I find this Saturday split business quite odd.

Surely it would be better to take both kids to horse riding one week and then football the next? So they end up doing something they're not personally interested in every other week but that's part of being a family.

Maybe your DH didn't realise your Mum was being put out by having your DD?

Original poster
oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 29/09/2012 22:00

Mabe ive not made myself clear. I don't mind DS going to pub to watch football. They do this often and its ok It's the bit about the fact that I had to arrange for my mum to have daughter cos husband couldnt. Clearly he could have! My mum is now annoyed also as she had a lot of stuff to do and she feels DH took advantage.

OP posts:
sookiesookie · 29/09/2012 22:00

but you said you knew yesterday the match was cancelled and your sister still wanted to take her out.

Why did you mum randomly text you to tell you there was no football on?

Original poster
oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 29/09/2012 22:01

The Saturday spilt works for us. They I've football and she likes horse riding. You can't have horse riding lessons every other week, or play for a team every other week.

OP posts:
sookiesookie · 29/09/2012 22:03

What 'truth' did you find out?

you knew you dd was not going to be with him, did he lie and say he had both of them? you knew he had been to the pub as you called him when you left work.

I am really confused.

Original poster
oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 29/09/2012 22:03

My mum text me to tell me as she knew I didn't know. She knew I thought they were watching a match from 1 pm till 4 pm after playing in the ,owning which was cancelled. When it was cancelled I text her to say that she didn't need to have dd in morning as DH wasn't taking DS to go an play but my sister said it didn't matter she wanted to see her anyway.

OP posts:
omfgkillmenow · 29/09/2012 22:04

It all depends whether he knew football was cancelled in advance, did he just find out and went to pub instead or did he let you think football was on when he knew it wasn't, and just fancied an afternoon in the pub.

Also depends if it was a proper drinking pub or family pub with children's play area because DS could have been having a ball in beer garden on slide etc with other kids, but if it didn't have a family vibe then I would not be so accepting of it. He might have taken DD to pub too though if it was a family place.

It hinges on when he knew he was not going to football.

Original poster
oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 29/09/2012 22:06

What truth? Dd was only supposed to be with mum cos DH couldn't look after her as he was taking DS to watch match as in go to the stadium as they do each week. They get tickets each week. He did not go to stadium - he went to pub to watch random games on sky and he knew this but did not say to me or my mum that he could have dd

OP posts:
HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 29/09/2012 22:06

I understand what you mean but if you found out last night that football had been cancelled due to the rain then what did you think they would be doing today?

omfgkillmenow · 29/09/2012 22:07

Not DS's football, the league game. I see you knew DS's football was not on.

Original poster
oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 29/09/2012 22:07

No play area in pub. DS would have been bored. No other children. DS could have watched sky sports on our tv if he'd wanted. The problem I have is that DH has deceived my mum and me by letting us think that he was going to the stadium which dd would not have liked so he needed mum to look after her.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 29/09/2012 22:08

So which one of them plays for a team...your DS or your DH?

omfgkillmenow · 29/09/2012 22:08

so, your sons football was cancelled but the league game was on but instead of taking DS to watch he went to pub instead? Is this correct?

Original poster
oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 29/09/2012 22:09

There are 2 matches here. The one in the morning is the one my DS plays in every week. The afternoon match is the one they go to the stadium to watch- a professional team. Season ticket. E one int he morning was cancelled. E one in the afternoon was not. My DH decided to go to the pub instead.

OP posts:
Original poster
oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 29/09/2012 22:09

Yes omg true

OP posts:
mynewpassion · 29/09/2012 22:10

Seems to me there was a lack of communication between everyone. If it was already arranged for your DD to be at your mother's, did your DH know that she really didn't want to babysit DD all afternoon?

Maybe your DH thought she was happy to have her and he continued treating today as a regular boys' day out with DS.

WorraLiberty · 29/09/2012 22:11

Well as long as he didn't ask your DS to lie I really don't see the problem?

He more than likely thought your Mum would be fine looking after your DD...unless of course he knew she wasn't?

sookiesookie · 29/09/2012 22:11

So your mum is upset he was at the pub not the stadium?

Why did she not text him and tell him to come get dd, instead of running to you? why did dh and dsis not arrange a drop off without involving mum?

The truth I am refering to is in your OP. Then my mum text me and I found out the truth! i can't see where he has lied or decieved. did he know you mum would have expected him to pick dd up.

When dd is with my mum, she would be miffed if her time was cut short with her.

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 29/09/2012 22:11

Oh i see so ds's match was cancelled and dh thought sod it lets spend the day in the pub, which you don't mind except he could have had dd and you're mum could have got on with her stuff.

Well if it was my dh he just wouldn't think and would say 'oh i thought your mum was happy to have her', maybe it just didn't occur to your dh that your mum might have other things to do?

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