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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think my DH should not have...

58 replies

oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 29/09/2012 21:51

Spent the afternoon in the pub with his mates and our 6yr old son.

Usually on a Saturday I take our DD out for breakfast with my mum, dad and sister, then we go horse riding. My DH usually takes our DS to play football then watch football at one of our local league clubs which DS loves.

However, this week I got a new job, and went into work all day to sort things out so I asked my mum if she could have DD all day so that DH and DS could do their usual football thing. I found out last night that his playing football was cancelled due to rain but my sister still wanted to take DD out for breakfast so I said that this was fine.

I got home about 6pm. I rang DH on way home and he said they were in pub. I thought they had gone for a quick pint after the match. My mum has just text me to say that there was no football this afternoon - he and DS spent the afternoon in the pub watching random matches on sky etc.
I am livid!

To top it off, he put tea in the oven and then said 'do you mind if I go to the pub whilst its cooking.' I said no as I felt sorry for him being with kids all day and me being at work. Then my mum text me and I found out the truth!

OP posts:
AThingInYourLife · 29/09/2012 22:11

YANBU

He took advantage of your mother.

That is shit.

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 29/09/2012 22:12

your mum - not you're mum, i hate that!

omfgkillmenow · 29/09/2012 22:12

then YANBU he could have watched DD and DS and had a couple of beers at home watching sky sports, gone to the pub later when you came home. I would make him apologise to your mum for this one.

Original poster
oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 29/09/2012 22:13

My mum knew she was having dd cos DH was taking DS to watch football. She would not have said yes to looking after her so DH could go to pub. DH knows this and that's why he didn't tell her. I don't think there has been a lack of communication at all. I think DH has been quite deceptive.

OP posts:
Original poster
oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 29/09/2012 22:13

Thank you omg- this is what I think.

OP posts:
Original poster
oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 29/09/2012 22:14

Thank you a thing. He should def apologise for taking advantage.

OP posts:
mynewpassion · 29/09/2012 22:14

But he did take your son to watch football. Just not a league game.

AThingInYourLife · 29/09/2012 22:15

"maybe it just didn't occur to your dh that your mum might have other things to do?"

Hmm

That would make him a bit of a shite though, wouldn't it?

You have to be a special kind of wanker not to consider that other people have things to do other than look after your children so you don't have to.

FredFredGeorge · 29/09/2012 22:16

You asked your mother if she could have DD, so DP could spend time with DS, she said yes, DP spent time with DS. YABU to be annoyed.

omfgkillmenow · 29/09/2012 22:16

or he could have taken them both out to something else cinema, softplay whatever. Its not like you are saying "NO PUB" if you were happy for him to go later. He was being selfish but as selfish dads go not the worst I have heard, see my thread about exh not even calling DD to say happy birthday!! Flowers for your mum at the very least I would think Thanks

Original poster
oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 29/09/2012 22:16

I know why you say that hokey but my mum has things really tough at the moment. My dad has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer with not long to live and they go on holiday tomorrow so she had stuff to sort today.

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Viviennemary · 29/09/2012 22:18

My Mum was always disapproving of children going to pubs as they didn't in her day. She didn't really approve of pubs at all. I don't think there is any harm in a six year old occasionally going in pubs. It was probably quite a novelty for him.

Original poster
oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 29/09/2012 22:18

Fred I do not consider going to the pub in the middle of the day a reason to get childcare. Unless for a night out, work or a special occasion I do not ask for anyone to watch my children.

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WorraLiberty · 29/09/2012 22:18

In that case then he should have rang your Mum and asked her to drop your DD off at the pub...or come and got her I suppose.

If he knew there were restrictions on your Mum's willingness to have your DD..ie she'll have her for football but not for other reasons then he was being deceptive.

Original poster
oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 29/09/2012 22:19

It is definitely not a novelty for my DS to o to pub. Although I don't like it my DH takes him all the time. This is a different issue though. My issue is asking someone to looks free your kids while you go.

OP posts:
Original poster
oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 29/09/2012 22:20

Sorry
Look after,

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Original poster
oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 29/09/2012 22:20

Worry that is what I think should have happened.

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Original poster
oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 29/09/2012 22:21

Worra not worry,
It's late Im too tired to type- off to bed I think!!

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AThingInYourLife · 29/09/2012 22:22

Your father is dying and he was happy to let your mum look after his daughter so he could spend the day in the pub?

Shock

What an utter, utter shit.

No wonder your mother is pissed off. You must be mortified for him to use her like that at such a time.

I'm so sorry about your Dad :(

Original poster
oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 29/09/2012 22:25

When he got home he didn't say anything about being in pub. I asked if the team won and he said yes. It was hours later when my mum text. Believe me if she'd have known he was n pub she would have rung him herself to come and get dd. mum didn't know but found out later (not sure how as havent spoken to her) he knew he would have to pick dd up when he got back from watching match - but he didn't go to watch match.

OP posts:
Flojo1979 · 29/09/2012 22:29

Seems your mum is stirring it somewhat.

Original poster
oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 29/09/2012 22:33

I don't think my mum is storing it at all!!! She has a right to be annoyed. She gave up her afternoon so she could look after our dd because DH couldn't as he was taking DS to watch football but instead DH went to the pub. Dd could have gone to pub. DH dd DS could have stayed home. We did not need child are and he used my mum cos it suited him. He knew DS would be quiet in pub but 2 together wouldn't so he said nothing. I can't see how that's not being unreasonable. I said before - we only ask for child are help if we are working extra, or going on a special day or night out. My mum has other stuff to do.

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Original poster
oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 29/09/2012 22:36

Thanks a thing. Found out this week that cancer is growing quite aggressively. DH hasn't even asked about scan results. Normally he's a good dad but he is very selfish and only ever thinks of his needs first. He thinks he deserves brownies joints today as he mended our gate. I've been asking for him to do it since April!

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Original poster
oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 29/09/2012 22:36

Points not joints!! So tired - really am off to bed now!

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HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 29/09/2012 22:37

I'm so sorry about your dad.

My dh would be a bit like that, he's not a shite, he just might not think, not in selfish way, just in a not thinking way iykwim.

However, if he knows your dad is unwell and your parents are going on holiday tomorrow then he was being bloody selfish, i don't blame you or your mum for being pissed off with him.