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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be unsure about FB pregnancy announcements.

110 replies

Mylittlepuds · 27/09/2012 19:37

The whole scan picture thing just makes me feel uneasy - it just feels too intrusive for me personally. But I can see that it's an 'easy' way of letting friends and family know in one swoop. What do others think? I'm wondering whether to do it (sans pic) in a few weeks time. However if the unthinkable happened, so many people would know. What's the best thing to do?

OP posts:

Labootin · 27/09/2012 20:16

Tbh I think showing random FB friends a picture of your internal organs is a bit ODD.

DeathMetalMum · 27/09/2012 20:21

Me and df posted our picture on facebook as we have close friends and family that we want to see the picture that dont live nearby or even in the country. I know we could have e-mailed or other means but it is the easiest way.

We are also pretty diligent with our friends list so dont each have 100's of old school classmates. It's the main way we keep fil and df's step brothers updated and them with us.

Secondsop · 27/09/2012 20:22

I'd had a miscarriage a few months prior to my current pregnancy but still chose to post my scan photo for the reasons I said in my last post. I did it as part of a "photo a day" thing i do so it sort of slipped in with the others rather than a great big "HELLO I'M PREGGERD". I did of course think about whether it would be upsetting for others, but then almost anything you say on Facebook could strike a chord with someone in a manner that upsets them, and for me personally I thought I'd drawn the line in the right place, but I do appreciate that views differ on this.

storminabuttercup · 27/09/2012 20:22

I did announce it on Facebook, just a I'm not just fat I'm pregnant type thing as I know people had work had been mentioning my weight, it was after 12 weeks, I'd previously miscarried And felt uneasy mentioning it, (noone knew about my miscarriage)but I was worried some would say something and other friends would find out that way iyswim so I told close friends and announced it before anyone (DPs family mainly) got there first.

I didn't post my scan picture until DS had arrived, I don't know why but the picture being on there would have felt wrong, the pictures belong to facebook and after my miscarriage I was very worried and if anything had happened I didn't want the picture there if that makes any sense

Each to their own though, don't think there's anything wrong with it

Dozer · 27/09/2012 20:28

I don't like it, announcement fine, scans not IMO. Likewise those awful FB "tickers" with "my baby is 6cm and sucking her thumb".

And as has been said, v insensitive to people with fertility issues/m/c.

I recently had a go at DB for posting an (old) positive pregnancy test on FB as a joke, a couple of weeks after his close friends' latest IVF cycle didn't work.

NatashaBee · 27/09/2012 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Secondsop · 27/09/2012 20:44

It's tricky though; some might say that posting photos of children is insensitive to those who can't have kids, but when i was struggling with fertility i accepted that i couldnt really expect people not to share aspects of their life that they found important and that if it bothered me that much I should stay away from such sites. Where does one draw the line? Should we not share anything good because it might upset those who, for whatever reason, can't have that thing? I personally draw the line at moaning about my problematic pregnancy because I think that is insensitive to those who would love to be in my position, but I see that as similar to trying not to moan about anything that could fall into the "my cleaner isn't dusting my Faberge eggs" category.

honeytea · 27/09/2012 20:55

We anounced on facebook with a scan pic and scan video. I hated telling people in real life I'm not sure why I just didn't like the lovely response we got, it was all too much with the pregnancy hormones, telling most of our friends on facebook was a nice less stressful way of doing it.

We had a hard time ttc and after the first "we are pregnant" post I made a post saying how it had taken lots longer than we thought it would and how we were about to start IVF, I hope that helped other people with fertility issues to not see it as just another smug facebook anouncement.

It was hard when we were ttc to turn on facebook and see anouncement (scan pics all look the same to me I probably coundn't pic out our fetus from any other fetus) I would say that it is actually easier to see a facebook anouncement than bumping into a friend with a big bump in the shop or for a family member to say oh did you hear cousin so and so is having another baby. At least with facebook you don't have to try to hard to hide your jelous face.

theninjabreadma · 27/09/2012 20:56

posting scan pics isn't my cup of tea, but I do struggle with the idea that announcing a pregnancy is insensitive to people with fertility problems. If someone has good news to share, why should they be made to feel guilty about it? For all anyone knows, they might have overcome their own fertility issues...

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere · 27/09/2012 21:02

I think its lovely. I love seeing surprise announcements of pregnancy on FB. It really lifts my day.

I think its probably sensible to leave it a bit but thats personal.

For me it was an easy way to announce it without having to tell people face to face. I found it hard to talk about my last two pregnancies.

I don't think its particularly insensitive. I don't expect people to stop posting about their teenage girls.

FB is huge. There is always going to be someone posting something that could cause you pain on any particular day.

Littleprincessrocks · 27/09/2012 21:04

Lol - Mylittlepuds - should have done! Never thought to.
Two girls on my facebook are pregnant at the moment (one is from the "Are you sure you are 38 weeks?! group) and every week their tickers are battling on the news feed!
Such and such is 28 weeks, such and such is 38 weeks, their babies are sucking their thumbs and becoming brainy. That is lovely. But I know how pregnant they are from their bi-weekly photo's of their growing bumps.

realises she is the grinch of pregancy and goes to sulk in the corner lol

FreddieMercuryforQueen · 27/09/2012 21:04

A 5 week pregnancy would be due around April/May time so a Feb due date could be around the half way mark.

I don't get the whole 'you might upset other people with fertility issues' thing, so long as what you are doing isn't illegal, immoral or otherwise reprehensible, I don't think we should censor ourselves for fear of upsetting others. Ok if they are close friends, in which case I would tell them in person and sensitively but would still announce on Facebook in whichever way I was inclined. A pregnancy that you want to announce is good news and shouldn't be hidden away! Obviously those who don't want to 'announce' then that is personal choice but especially if you are unaware of others fertility issues you can't be responsible for how your news makes them feel.

Which I appreciate may be an inflammatory viewpoint.

Littleprincessrocks · 27/09/2012 21:06

NatashaBee surely Feburary due date calculates at about 12 weeks?

PeshwariNaan · 27/09/2012 21:07

Gosh, the scan pictures creep me out too!! You don't have to do them - I consider it a medical thing. FFS it's the inside of someone's body.

You don't even have to announce - just tell people when you see them.

I announced but we told everyone we wanted to tell in person first, or e-mail. I think I did it at about 16 weeks and by then most everyone knew anyway.

theninjabreadma · 27/09/2012 21:09

we're almost in Oct so a Feb due date could be almost five months into the pregnancy

BartletForTeamGB · 27/09/2012 21:10

NatashaBee, I'm due in Feb and 19 weeks now.

honeytea · 27/09/2012 21:10

I consider it a medical thing. FFS it's the inside of someone's body.

It's not the same as posting a pic of open surgery is it, it is inside the mothers body but it's not exactly gory.

theninjabreadma · 27/09/2012 21:10

or it could be four months. But one way or the other, its more than five weeks.

Littleprincessrocks · 27/09/2012 21:11

got the math's wrong too... lol

Panzee · 27/09/2012 21:12

I'm February, and 20 weeks.

Panzee · 27/09/2012 21:13

I did a FB announcement, because I have friends that I wouldn't necessarily call, and friends I don't see all the time. It's much easier! I'd told all the really close ones and family first.

HmmThinkingAboutIt · 27/09/2012 21:13

I recently defriended a male friend. After six months of vomity 'we' are pregnant updates, the picture of the empty cot waiting for baby was the last straw.

LarkinSky · 27/09/2012 21:14

I don't really like making public announcements about myself, not being royal (Facebook/The Times classified whichever). Would make me feel a bit embarrassed and full of myself! So I've OT ann

LarkinSky · 27/09/2012 21:18

Whoops phone posted too soon...

Was going to say, so I've not announced any of my pregnancies on Facebook, or new job, or close family bereavement, or moving house or anything else of that nature.

Of my 100ish FB friends the ones I'm close to know about my pregnancies because of phone, email, Skype or hanging out together! The rest are acquaintances and don't need to know. However I will share a photo of my next baby when it's born as FB is convenient for photo sharing. (although I keep to a minimum photos of my kids posted online, but that's another thread).

Trazzletoes · 27/09/2012 21:20

I told family and close friends, then popped it on Facebook to share it with friends that I am not so closely in touch with. I dont see the problem really - if you don't want to know, block or de-friend me!

I also posted scan pics. My family and friends are scattered across the country and people (well, my friends anyway) want to see the scan pic. I know it's one of the first things I ask!

I also don't get the point about upsetting people. Those people who I knew I might upset, I spoke to beforehand. If someone hasn't told me about problems, they can hardly expect me to live my life around what may or may not be going on in their lives at any given moment.

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