To be unsure about FB pregnancy announcements.

[Mylittlepuds]

The whole scan picture thing just makes me feel uneasy - it just feels too intrusive for me personally. But I can see that it's an 'easy' way of letting friends and family know in one swoop. What do others think? I'm wondering whether to do it (sans pic) in a few weeks time. However if the unthinkable happened, so many people would know. What's the best thing to do?

[OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere]

I didnt constantly whinge when pg with DCs 4 & 5 but if people want to vent on FB why not?
Its not RL.
People often come over like ranty loons/moany mares on FB when they are not in RL.

If they want to moan about heartburn, piles and feeling sick then let them.

Pregnancy can be bloody awful and you are supposed to be all happy and excited all the time. Its not that way for everyone. Not even for those who have waited years and years for the experience.

[Secondsop]

orange, it just doesn't feel right to me personally to moan about stuff that is all in a good cause, but i appreciate views and circumstances differ and that some people's facebook friends might well be a source of support/help. I must admit that when I posted something (hopefully) non-moany asking for recipe suggestions when I couldn't face eating anything, it was quite nice how friends who I don't normally connect with frequentlh all came out of the woodwork to help because it was something they had experience of.

[OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere]

Sometimes I think 'stfu' when people are bitching about their teenagers.
But if I have a moan about OH or my dog or something there is always going to be someone, somewhere who is thinking 'you should be counting your blessings'

And its true.

I didnt moan much about being prg (until the end) because I didnt really like talking about being pregnant.

Mind you I do not recall having any friends who have moaned constantly. Perhaps if I had I would feel differently?
I can imagine it being very wearing, seeing it day after day, particularly if you have suffered baby loss.

[Badgerina]

Some friends and I have set up a private, secret Facebook group for the sole purpose of whinging about stuff. It's fucking brilliant.

[YouMayLogOut]

It's quite "in your face" and could be upsetting for some. Just let people know the facts by email and only send pictures to individuals who have asked to see them.

[YouOldSlag]

YouMay- For goodness sake- why should people censor their happiness just in case someone may or may not be experiencing fertility problems or has had a MC?

We should never stifle joy- it is so rare. It is NOT insensitive to be happy about being pregnant!!! Sharing happy news with loves ones on FB should not be censored and the bearers of the news should not be guilt tripped.

I really disagree with this "keep your happiness to yourself in case someone else is miserable".

You wouldn't tell someone to keep their misery to themselves in case someone else is happy would you?

I've said it before and I've said it again.

Joy is as valid as grief.

[OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere]

Its true.

And those of us who have experienced horrible, unbearable grief (and thats a lot of people for lots of reasons) do still take pleasure in other people's joy.

There are special FB groups where we congregate and rant like loons at particularly annoying/upsetting/nerve twanging pictures and posts. They are special and private for a reason - we don't really want to stop people living their normal lives but we do want to be able to talk to people who understand how we feel.

Someone putting up photos of their DD's 16th birthday on one day might produce a sad twinge and on another day it could have me going back to bed and hiding under the duvet.

You just cannot control these things. Its pointless to try to.

[Mia4]

If it makes you feel uneasy then don't do it. If you want to, do it. There's always the option to fb message photos if you'd feel more comfy in that. I agree it could be distressing for someone, but so could others things-different shares. Personally if it annoyed/distressed me I would hide that user- I know my friend who has just had a miscarriage hides those 'X's baby is at X weeks and doing ...'

[PedanticPanda]

Personallt I wouldn't post my scan pic up on Facebook. I had a miscarriage a couple of months ago a day after the scan and the picture is all I have. I fell pregnant straight away again luckily (even though it took so long the first time!) and I won't be posting the scan picture up or sending the scan picture to any relatives, if something happens again then the only picture I have of my baby will be on the Internet or sitting in a relatives inbox or just discarded, I think that would make me feel uncomfortable.

[YouMayLogOut]

I wouldn't want to hear this news from a "loved one" via FB though. I'd hope they would want to tell me in person, phone or at least email!

YouOldSlag the trouble is that it doesn't work both ways. I don't suppose people who have had a miscarriage or fertility problems often feel able to share this "news" on FB in order to receive understanding and support.

I'm all for sharing the joy and so on, but FB is rather "one size fits all" and doesn't offer any chance to tailor your message to be sensitive to anyone in a particular situation.

[YouOldSlag]

I disagree You May. My friend put details of her father's funeral on FB to get the message to as many people as possible who would have wanted to attend. She had an outpouring of support.

FB isn't just for happy moments.

People use FB in a million ways and I don't think we can ever police that, which is why they have provided a hide button.

[YouOldSlag]

I wouldn't want to hear this news from a "loved one" via FB though. I'd hope they would want to tell me in person, phone or at least email!

The etiquette in our family is that once you have told immediate family and very best friends, you then put it on FB for your wider circle. Everyone is different, that's just how we do it. My family live all over so it's usually a phone call.

[bellabreeze]

I think its great! Being pregnant is something to celebrate

[Youaresoright]

I don't really see the point of posting 12w scan photos - they all look the same (other than DS1's who clearly had DH's un-birthable triangular head, but that was only of interest to us).

Congratulations OP.

[honeytea]

I don't really see the point of posting 12w scan photos - they all look the same

YABU my baby looked like an actual demon. Luckily by the 20 week scan he had become less demonic looking.

[Mylittlepuds]

Thank you Youaresoright

[LST]

I posted a picture of my 12 week scan pic and after I had told my employers and put 'surprise'!

[filetheflightoffancy]

I put a announcment of sorts on Facebook once I had told those close to me either in person or via email and had showed them a scan pic. I didnt put the scan picture on facebook because, despite putting tons of photos of ds on there being quite an avid user, I do think that it is nice to keep some things private (I didnt put the lovely professional pics we got done either).

I disagree that you shouldnt talk about your pregnancy at all on facebook for fear of upsetting someone. You cant not mention it at al on facebook (or in real life)l just in case someone is having difficulties with fertility because it would be wierd to not acknowledge such a big thing going on in your life. However, I do/did try not to moan too much about things just in case.

[filetheflightoffancy]

Oh and as for people who put the scan picture as their profile picture

[shittingit]

I have not announced either of my pregnancies on fb, the folk I wanted to tell I either told in person or emailed. Im not far off my due date for no' 2 and there are people on my friends list that still don't know. I have never put up my scan pics either, just not me, also don't put up any overly gushy or personal statements about family life or dd or h- just feel uncomfortable. Also I am very very aware that I have some friends that are ltttc and those that have lost babies or had mmc and although I'm sure they are happy for me they don't need to read every minute detaiI about my dc or this pregnancy.

I don't mind the odd scan pic friends may post, but I did have a couple of people on my 'friends' list who I have unsubscribed from because of the whole over-sharing stealth boasting thing.

[Mylittlepuds]

Shittingit stealth boasting is pushing me to the edge of coming off FB

[YouOldSlag]

How about people who have had mcs and struggled with fertility and FINALLY have a pregnancy to celebrate, should they keep it themselves too?

Everyone has an equal right to experience life and feelings, good or bad. If you are having a hard time, you can't expect happy people to shut up about being happy. If you are poor, you can't expect people not to post pictures of expensive holidays. If you are ill, you can't expect people to hide photos of them running marathons etc

Every pregnancy is a miracle. I have lost three pregnancies and had a year of infertility, and yet I get so excited when I see or hear news of other people getting pregnant and having babies. It truly is a miracle, each and every one, and I would hate for people to feel they couldn't enjoy their moment. They are so rare and you may not have that joy again, so grab it now and soak it up.

Life is about light and shadow, not just shadow.

[BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff]

YouOldSlag very well said.

Facebook is about sharing your life, good and bad. Some take it too far, updating every time they fart. Most people don't though, I have 100 friends on my wall (shittest stealth boast ever haha!) none of them annoy me or make me sneery.

I personally enjoy reading about my friend's lives, whether that be big announcements or the more mundane day to day stuff.

Maybe I just know normal people?

[Mylittlepuds]

Some do take it too far