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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my pregnancy announced in the school newsletter?

56 replies

Ghoulelocks · 26/09/2012 21:32

That's the jist of it really. I'm 6.5 months and even reception children have spotted the huge bump, parents I see on gate duty daily know. It's hardly a secret, but yet I'm not comfortable with my personal life being subject to being in the newsletter.

The Head wanted to announce it and I really had to put my foot down and he just didn't understand why. I guess part of it is also I feel like it's tempting fate with early congratulations, as well as being a free target for gossip and comments.

Of course once dates and cover arrangements are set I think it's reasonable to share Mrs X will go on mat leave starting on xxxx and her role will be covered by Y (I am in a non class based role)

OP posts:
marquesas · 26/09/2012 21:37

I don't think YABU - I wouldn't want that kind of public announcement at work either. Is the not happy to respect your wishes?

Original poster
Ghoulelocks · 26/09/2012 21:38

so as not to drip feed, I doubt I'd be so annoyed if it wasn't part of a generally crap attitude towards pregnancy that's already rubbed me up the wrong way! Reading it back it seems strange to be annoyed about...

OP posts:
TakingTheStairs · 26/09/2012 21:39

YANBU.
I wouldn't like it either, no matter what the other circumstances are.

Original poster
Ghoulelocks · 26/09/2012 21:42

marquesas: I don't know... but normally I am given all copies of letters before sending by office staff as I do final write so I can adjust it (which I've made clear I will)

OP posts:
PopOozeTheFastest · 26/09/2012 21:50

YANBU. Why would there be gossip or comments though? Why wouldn't people just be happy for you?

Not that it matters, the Head should definitely respect your wishes on something personal like this.

quoteunquote · 26/09/2012 22:46

YANBU,

It's nobodies business but your own.

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 26/09/2012 22:50

Surely a birth announcement is much more appropriate than a pregnancy one "coo-ee parents, just letting you know Ms Ghoul had sex 6.5 months ago"

Grin
elliejjtiny · 26/09/2012 22:51

YANBU although it could be worse. DH announced one of my pregnancies in his work newsletter. I was only about 9/10 weeks and hadn't even told my mum and dad.

If you want your pregnancy announced in the newsletter then great but you obviously don't and the Head should respect that.

ThreeWheelsGood · 26/09/2012 22:53

YANBU - I'd feel the same about premature congratulations. I felt awkward with just taking about it at work to clients like it was tempting fate. Stand your ground.

LonelyCloud · 26/09/2012 22:55

YANBU.

I would be horrified and outraged if I was pregnant and it got announced like that.

I also worried about tempting fate when pregnant with DS, so fully sympathise with your feelings about that.

TalkinPeace2 · 26/09/2012 22:58

TBH at over 6 months, parents will be wondering when you are heading off on maternity and the ad for your cover post will be in the press soon so the head was saving other forms of embarrassment.

Also - would you rather people handed you diet books?

Hopeforever · 26/09/2012 23:06

So when will the parents be told what's happening about the teaching if their children?

JustSpiro · 26/09/2012 23:07

I'm surprised they haven't got your post covered yet. They must know roughly when you are going on maternity leave and as TalkinPeace2 says above, parents will be wondering when, especially those whose DC's will be affected so in that sense I do think YAB a bit U.

I also appreciate it is a bit of pita situation though. I like just round the corner from the maintained nursery school I work at so as well as bumping into numerous parents on the school run I quite often see people when I putting my bin out in my PJ's and such like. It does make you feel a bit like a goldfish and if your employers/colleagues have had a crappy attitude towards your pregnancy I can see why it's grating on you.

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 26/09/2012 23:10

I don't think it's odd to find that annoying, it's like someone plastering it on face book which has happened to me.

It's your own private business, even of its a bit obvious! Yanbu.

Needingsomeadvice · 26/09/2012 23:11

YANBU, definitely not unreasonable to want to anounce it however you want.

My first DS was stillborn at 24 weeks and the one thing I was grateful for was that I hadn't announced it yet so nobody knew outside of staff. I was a Y1 teacher so the children would have been less than tactful and I just didn't need that. Which is why I was furious when I became pregnant again and announced it to staff at the meeting at 7 weeks (explaining it was more to ask for support) and one member of staff thought it was appropriate to tell her class my news at that point Angry knowing what I had been through. I was also very upset to read in the newsletter after my son was born (prematurely) an announcement that I had had my 'first baby'. Grrr!

TalkingPeace2 I think for some people (myself included) even at 6 months I was not telling people about DS2 and later DD because of my experiences of losing DS1 so late Sad. I didn't care what the parents were wondering - they could wonder all they liked.

Emsiero · 26/09/2012 23:13

This reply has been deleted

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Derceto · 26/09/2012 23:15

I don't want it say Yabu but I don't understand your objection

purplepansy · 26/09/2012 23:20

I don't really get it tbh - the parents will have noticed, and be wondering what's going to happen re maternity cover etc, the kids will have noticed...they're not going to be telling anyone anything that isn't already public knowledge. I think it's quite nice that the school wants to announce a pregnancy of a staff member in a positive and celebratory way. Sorry, but I think YAB (a bit) U

imustbepatient · 26/09/2012 23:26

Maybe it's just me not understanding the terminology but to those saying YABU because parents will be wanting to know who will be teaching their children, the OP does say in the first post that she is in a non-class based role.

JustSpiro · 26/09/2012 23:34

imust - presumably the OP is still a point of contact for the families though? Our office staff know a lot of the families almost as well as the caring/teaching staff.

Needing - the announcement your school made was horrendously tactless and Shock

janey68 · 27/09/2012 06:39

YANBU but they seem to be cutting it a bit fine if they haven't appointed your ML cover yet... These things take a while particularly for school based jobs where CRB checks are needed

TroublesomeEx · 27/09/2012 06:46

YANBU.

The OP stated in the first post that she is non-class based. This means that she won't have a class to teach. There isn't a class somewhere wondering who their teacher will be for the next 12 months.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to announce that she will be taking maternity leave from X date and her classes will be covered by Mr/s Y and to include a "congratulations and we wish her well" comment.

But I don't think it's appropriate at all to include a pregnancy announcement if someone doesn't want it broadcast to 400+ children and their parents. Yes, it's probably obvious to everyone by now.

But that's not the point.

LetsKateWin · 27/09/2012 06:57

YANBU. From the sounds of your post, you're perfectly happy for the news to be on the newsletter when it's to announce your cover etc.

mnistooaddictive · 27/09/2012 06:59

I am a teacher and I think yabu. It will already be the subject of playground gossip and at 6.5 months it us hardly a secret.

mummytime · 27/09/2012 07:09

A friend of mine who left when about 8 Months pregnant, still got asked by parents why she was leaving.