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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want my pregnancy announced in the school newsletter?

56 replies

Ghoulelocks · 26/09/2012 21:32

That's the jist of it really. I'm 6.5 months and even reception children have spotted the huge bump, parents I see on gate duty daily know. It's hardly a secret, but yet I'm not comfortable with my personal life being subject to being in the newsletter.

The Head wanted to announce it and I really had to put my foot down and he just didn't understand why. I guess part of it is also I feel like it's tempting fate with early congratulations, as well as being a free target for gossip and comments.

Of course once dates and cover arrangements are set I think it's reasonable to share Mrs X will go on mat leave starting on xxxx and her role will be covered by Y (I am in a non class based role)

OP posts:

AnOldieButNotSoGoody · 27/09/2012 07:22

I don't understand.

You are a teacher who is 6.5 months pregnant but you don't want it announcing?

Believe me the parents will know anyway, plus you can see your bump.

When would you have liked to announce it?

Surely the reception parents deserve to know as early as possible when their child's teacher is going off to have a baby. To know who is going to cover her etc?

CailinDana · 27/09/2012 07:31

The OP already said she isn't a teacher. As such there's no reason for parents to know when she's going on maternity leave. Even if she were a teacher, she wouldn't be going on ML for another couple of months, and chances are a replacement wouldn't be found yet, so an announcement wouldn't be much help beyond being a bit of gossip to confirm parents' suspicions. If the HT actually wanted to inform parents he could just send home a note in the relevant children's bags.

YANBU. Working in a school can make you feel very much under scrutiny at times. You're not public property and if you want to keep your pregnancy to yourself, that's your choice. Anyone who has a kind interest (beyond gossip) will talk to you about it directly, anyone else can go jump.

AnOldieButNotSoGoody · 27/09/2012 07:44

Oh I'm sorry I mis read that.

In the case of a teacher though I think it is reasonable to be given as much notice as possible that they are going on ML.

Startailoforangeandgold · 27/09/2012 07:50

Honestly surely you know how kids and parents gossip. They will have been taking bets on wether you are pregnant for 4 months now.
You may as well tell them.

Primary teachers aren't allowed a private life. Apart from the school gate mums, many of the girls will have been watching carefully. DD2 is obsessed with all things baby related.

CailinDana · 27/09/2012 08:20

Why Oldie?

filetheflightoffancy · 27/09/2012 09:14

It is the opposite in my school. Pregnant teachers have to keep their pregnancy under wraps until cover has been sorted, which is always right at the last minute. So you get a situation where teachers are walking around with enormous bumps, but if they are asked about it by parents or kids they are not allowed to confirm they are pregnant. But not allowed to lie about it either Cue much blushing and flustered changing of the subject when anyone asks about it. When the kids and parents are finally told they are like, 'er yes we already knew that'. It is laughable!

DeWe · 27/09/2012 10:00

I would have thought it would be more likely to induce gossip if it's left for parents (and children) to notice. Ime when people start noticing and nothing's been said, that's when people comment/gossip "have you noticed? Think Ms X might be pg..." Once it's anounced there no speculation really to have.

EmmelineGoulden · 27/09/2012 10:43

I would be delighted to have my pregnancy announced .

YANBU to feel differently. An announcement about your work situation - going on maternity leave - is different from an announcement about your family life. Whether or not people know, printing it in the newsletter gives the school's endorsement to public discussion of your personal life. I bet the head doesn't consider it appropriate to routinely announce other life changes staff go through. He should respect your decision on the matter, he doesn't need to understand your reasons.

bochead · 27/09/2012 10:44

Surely it's an opportunity to teach kids about individuals rights to privacy as opposed to indulging the self-absorbed playground gossip Mums? Your pregnancy is all about YOU, & it seems lots of parents could do with learning the world doesn't revolve around them & their pfb? So long as you are doing your job, it's really noone's business but your own up until your maternity cover is arranged.

When it's arranged maternity cover can be announced to parents and children. That's the part of your story that's actually relevant to them. Who will be covering for you, and when. You can't tell them that until it's formally organised. I have no patience with those who want to get all up in the private lives of others for no good reason except to gossip and speculate.

The fact that the relationship between the 15 year old and her teacher being known to the school for 7 months BEFORE they ran off to France together IS relevant to parents as it shows obvious gaps in CP.

Whatever happened to the term "private life"? It used to be called that for good reason.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 27/09/2012 10:46

It depends on the school I think. If its quite a small school that has a very community/family type feel to it, then it's nice to be able to share good news like a pregnancy. It's not like its something that plenty of other people will already have congratulated you on.

It's up to you of course and you don't have to justify your reasons for not wanting it shared, but I can understand why the head thought it was a bit odd that you objected to a nice thing.

Pozzled · 27/09/2012 10:56

Yanbu. Yes, people will have noticed by now- those that come into contact with the op. But for those that don't an announcement which just says 'x is pregnant' seems very strange to me. I would have absolutely hated it. Once the cover is sorted, a short note like the one op suggests is all that is necessary.

Pozzled · 27/09/2012 11:05

I just saw the comment fom startail that primary teachers aren't allowed a private life. Well, thanks for that. I'm glad my school isn't like that.

I don't know, I just think there's a world of difference between interested parents/pupils coming to ask, and a public announcement. It's like making an assumption that all the parents care about the teacher's private life, and why the hell should they? I'd be interested if my DD's teacher was pregnant, but not a teacher based in the,other end of the school that neither of us have any contact with.

Maybe it would be different in a small school where everybody knows everybody else.

CurlyKiwiControl · 27/09/2012 11:16

yanbu - your pregnancy, your decision.

However, it wouldn't bother me personally... DD school is large, and 2 pregnant members of staff had their pregnancies announced in the school news letter ... It was done in a lovely way something like "mrs x is expecting her first baby later this term, we are delighted that she is adding to her little family of mr x and their 3 dogs and wish her every luck! We are currently looking for a new class x teacher and when we have found the perfect one to welcome to our team, you will be the first to know!"

lottiegarbanzo · 27/09/2012 11:20

YANBU at all. An announcement to hundreds of people with whom you have no direct relationship or even contact is a very different thing from those people you come into contact with daily having noticed. It makes you an object of wider discussion, a story, a fact, not a person conveying news.

A birth announcement is different because you'll be really happy and possibly want to share your news more widely but even then, not necessarily. It may depend on whether you see the wider school community as a real community you are part of, or the school just as the place where you work.

Personally, though not superstitious at all, I was reluctant to behave as if my pregnancy had already been successful before it had. While I felt confident it almost certainly would be, rationally I knew there was a chance it might not. In taht context I'd see broadcasting the news as rather crass and as potentially setting you up to have to explain to a lot of people you don't even know, if something goes wrong, which will feel very personal.

ReindeersGoldenBollocks · 27/09/2012 11:39

I don't want to say YABU as its your baby, your body, your business. However as you presumably have a class, whose parents might want to know it makes sense to cover it in a newsletter and then to outline what will happen when you go off on ML. Parents would properly like to know who is teaching their child.

Our school do issue newsletters containing this stuff - including the death of a teachers child which happened a few years back. If anything our school aims towards a community feel and people were very supportive.

It would only be worth doing if they are covering the topic of your ML as well though. Then a separate newsletter announcing the birth of your child.

However as you say that people have been unsupportive then I wonder why/how and depending on what has happened it might drastically change your opinion (like the congratulations card I got from a man who told me to abort DC1 - that went straight in the bin!)

ReindeersGoldenBollocks · 27/09/2012 11:40

Probably not properly

financialwizard · 27/09/2012 11:52

YANBU

Although not the same my mother announces everything going on in my life on Facebook and has 'friends' on there that are not very friendly with me and gossip and bitch the whole time eventhoughmylifeisprettydull so I can completely understand.

Pozzled · 27/09/2012 13:40

RGB The op says she is in a non-class based role, so there is no class wondering when she's going to leave and who will cover. She also says she is fine with an announcement about the ML and cover situation, just not one focused solely on the pregnancy.

I agree completely that pupils and parents should be informed about changes that affect them, but only once all arrangements are in place.

greensmoothiegoddess · 27/09/2012 13:49

No! This would horrify me.

What if the newsletter is published online (as many are)?

A colleague's father sadly died and he was horrified that this was on the school newsletter.

Original poster

Ghoulelocks · 27/09/2012 20:21

Well about 50% of these replies are covered in my OP! I'm non class-based, happy to discuss my pregnancy with anyone who asks and will have no problem with maternity cover arrangements being in the newsletter once they are set. I've even joked about it in assembly when I've been rather ungainly getting out from behind the piano. It's unmissable as I'm otherwise a size 8/10 still elsewhere and tall so I look like I ate a beachball (or 50 cakes at once as I told year 6...)

Green-It is a paper and online newsletter and would probably show up forever more if you googled my name!

I haven't posted a pregnancy announcement on facebook etc, it's just not me.

Maybe it's because I dread once it's formally announced then the topic will switch from quiet congratulations to people feeling they can press about cover. It's not for me to arrange and I can't speed it up, though I'm in a senior role and normally in many ways the 'face' of the school doing all assemblies and dealing with most parent contact (the head is shared between schools) so parents may presume it is in my hands. Also I do feel like it's like putting 'Mrs X had sex 6.5 months ago' if there's no other point to printing it. I mainly write the newsletter, with office staff putting together other bits and formatting my text, and keep it to more of an information sheet as I read enough waffle in my own children's newsletters where I read a whole paragraph about the weather and feelings just to convey the message 'please bring coats in now it's cold' (I know people will disagree with me on this one! I just like trees)

OP posts:

CaptainVonTrapp · 27/09/2012 20:27

Well I think YABU for not wanting a public announcement. I think anyone who doesn't know (not many by now by the sound of it) would like to know. Not sure what you mean by "playground gossip"?

Nevertheless if you asked not to be included in the newsletter I think that is your right and YANBU to expect the head to comply with this. When would you have liked this announcement to be made?

Original poster

Ghoulelocks · 27/09/2012 20:34

Captain, sorry to be narky but for the third time I think it's appropriate to go in the newsletter once cover is arranged so it can be announced as staffing news.

So what if they'd like to know really. I'd quite like (secretly) to know the ins and outs of some parents' business as I bet there'd be interesting gossip to mull over in many homes. But I respect that it's not my business to know. I don't know my GP/ hairdressers/ midwives/ health visitor's/ priests pregnancy details as a right, I only know if they choose to divulge it to me.

OP posts:

SneezySnatcher · 27/09/2012 20:36

YANBU. I am a teacher and I am pg with DC2. I would be horrified if this was suggested. Obviously the parents and children will know already but I think it's different to actually write it down and send it to people (the majority of whom will not be interested). It is your news to announce as you see fit. When the school has hired cover that is their news to announce.
If you wanted to do it, great. If you don't they should respect that.

LemonBreeland · 27/09/2012 20:40

YANBU. The only time I have read about staff pregnancies in a school newsletter is where it tells you who the maternity cover is. That is the only information that parents need. It is not necessary to tell the whole newsletter cohort of somebone being pg.

CaptainVonTrapp · 27/09/2012 20:43

Ghoule I maintain that if you've asked for it not to go in the newsletter it shouldn't have gone in.

I think they might like to know, not cos they're nosey bastards,or so they can talk about when MrsX had sex, but so they could congratulate you without the awful fear of you saying "I'm not pregnant I've just put on some weight".

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