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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to move my 9mth old babies cot into the bathroom during sleep training

138 replies

elcap · 24/09/2012 17:10

I have just started back at work, and my 9mnth old is still not sleeping through. We have started controlled crying but it wakes her sister in the adjoining room.

I am getting a bit desperate. AIBU to move her into the bathroom for a few nights while we go through the controlled crying journey (battle...)

My husband seems to think its child cruelty.... I just think its practical solution for everyone to get more sleep in the long run.

OP posts:
Rowanhart · 24/09/2012 23:13

My god there are some judgemental people on here.

I think it's a bad idea and think after a bit of sleep you may think so too Grin

But ignore the purer than thou brigade (particularly the ones who insunuate some form of abandonment by returning to work) Also those who feel the need to tell you how much tougher they've got it. Starting to remind me of that Monty Python sketch...Hmm

I'm sure you are a great if a little knackered mummy who is trying to do the best for all your family.

Bringing DD in with you in a camp bed (big adventure!) might be a better idea.

CoolaSchmoola · 24/09/2012 23:43

CC aside I do think YABVU putting your baby in the bathroom.

You have described it as being "stuck" on - which implies it has three external walls.

It's going to bloody baltic in there when the heating is off, and it's not healthy for anyone, kids included, to sleep in a constantly centrally heated room.

So your baby will either freeze - and therefore cry more, or they will get every bug going due to being in a heated room all night.

And it's a bathroom - NOT - a bedroom. So no, just no!

Dryjuice25 · 25/09/2012 00:53

you sleep in the bath and put baby in your room..yabu

GoldShip · 25/09/2012 07:51

'My god there are some judgmental people on here'

Too right ill judge someone who thinks putting their baby in the bathroom is a good idea.

Rowanhart · 25/09/2012 07:54

As I said Goldshio it isn't a good idea.

But the insinuations she's a terrible mother and the you've not got it as tough as me are terrible.

Must be great to be as perfect as you, ey...

RubyStolenBootyGates · 25/09/2012 08:07

What if Elcap were a surgeon, and your child was due to be operated on by her?
Would you want her in the state she's currently in now?

What would you suggest as a reasonable solution then, always providing that for some reason her personal circumctances meant she couldn't hire a night nanny or magically wave another room into existence?

I wouldn't do CC myself, but I remember being so very,very tired that I thought I was going to get the sack because I just couldn't function. I don't think screaming at a sleep deprived mother about your own personal choices is very helpful.

Calmly pointing at the helpful links would be much more likely to cut through her sleep-deprived haze, rather than frothing and being as hateful as Ian Paisley on a bad day.

Flojo1979 · 25/09/2012 08:12

I wonder where OP went...to sleep maybe?!

catwoo · 25/09/2012 08:16

Unhygienic .Everytime the toilet is flushed it creates an aerosol effect which spreads faecal flora up to 10 feet.

Mrsjay · 25/09/2012 08:32

My god there are some judgemental people on here.

erm yeah you sleep where you poop then come back and tell us its fine ,

Mrsjay · 25/09/2012 08:33

.Everytime the toilet is flushed it creates an aerosol effect which spreads faecal flora up to 10 feet.

Lovely

Kalisi · 25/09/2012 09:23

Bring her in your bed. Wont hurt her and you get more sleep. Easy.

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 25/09/2012 11:48

sshe may feel abandonned being in the bathroom, and scared of the funny echoy noise. you going back to work may make her feel more abandonned... (even though you have spent ages looking for the best child care and she will love it and feel safe there in time.. ) at 9 months they do not think/feel the same way we do..

get her over this massive (for her) change before you try and change anything else.

QuintessentialShadows · 25/09/2012 11:53

I would not do this. Not in a million years.

Let her stay in her room, and rather than controlled crying that wakes dd1, why not try the other approach where your husband (it should not be mum) soothes her back to sleep in her cot? When she cries, husband goes in, sits down next to cot, put his hand in, and soothe her, talking to her calmly and stroking her until she is back to sleep again. Sleep training this way is less cruel, and less likely to wake up your dd. It usually takes a week. Could be longer as baby is only 9 months. We did this when ds1 was 11 months, and it worked a treat.

NellyBluth · 25/09/2012 12:43

I don't want to start another debate, but I am always intrigued by mentions of co-sleeping on threads like this. I'm certainly not criticising co-sleeping in any way, if it works for you then that is wonderful. But surely it is difficult to suddenly start co-sleeping with a 9 month old? Babies that age can move around the bed so much, and if the baby can't be between both parents (say both parents aren't in the bed) or the bed isn't up against a wall on one side, surely it is quite dangerous for the baby to suddenly be in a big, open bed rather than a crib?

(This is a genuine question, I'm always intrigued as I can't fathom how I could suddenly bring my 8mo safely into our bed for a whole night)

catfart · 25/09/2012 13:00

Nelly, I co-sleep with my 2 year old and have done since he was born, initially he was in a sidecar cot but he always gravitated towards me till he was fully in the bed. I have a low bed, at 9 month my DS had no problems, he's never fallen out of bed but if he wakes up I quickly settle him and ye's off again. At 18 months he slept through, no need to sleep train, yes it was tiring at times but that's parenting for you.

OP, I really don't think the bathroom idea is a good one at all, I agree with your husband. I also wholeheartedly disagree with sleep training but it's your choice, but what people say about the cortisol is true, Its just not a natural thing to do if you ask me. I'll duck out now.

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 25/09/2012 13:02

Oh god, faecal fauna.

Goldship no one things this bathroom thing is at all a reasonable idea, however she didnt do it, just ask. Probably not thinking straight due to needing a kip.

I fail to see how introducing co sleeping at this stage where the OP is trying to do some sleep training is going to help, the baby will be all over the place. If she wants too, great but this isnt what she was looking for.

I did something more like Quint, soothing in the cot, however about once or twice a fortnight I do have DS in with me as occasionally he wakes up very distressed and this helps him go back off. Maybe nightmare who knows.

Nelly - as long as he cant fall out. DS crawls all over me like a little cat and I normally find him in all sorts of places in the morning. This means I am too scared to sleep for long. I make him a bunker out of pillows down the side so he cant slip down.

I certainly wouldnt be actively looking to introduce this at this age when I am looking to get him used to his own room, seems pointless to me.

NellyBluth · 25/09/2012 13:06

Pickles, yes, its the falling out that would bother me (if I was the OP and this was being suggested). My baby luckily sleeps like the dead all night but somehow meanders all around the cot and is often found lying on her side pressed flat against the bars or in some position which, in a bed, would mean she would be on the floor.

I'm honestly very surprised when people suggest that you sould suddenly start co-sleeping to fix problems. If the baby is used to their room, moves around a lot etc., introducing co-sleeping would surely cause more problems than it would solve at that age?

peeriebear · 25/09/2012 13:10

When DD2 was 9mo I was at my wits' end with her constant waking in the night. I moved her in with DD1 and she slept through from the first night. She was waking because I was there IMO.

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 25/09/2012 13:13

I say each to their own. I had DS in with me Monday. I had about 2 hours sleep, am pregnant and had work the next day and I was wrecked, DP had to sleep on the sofa.

Happy to do it once a week but no, not everynight!

I cant see why you would introduce it, when the aim is to get the baby used to sleeping in own room and sleeping better at night.

It might work for some families but not all. My DP is not going to want to sleep on the sofa for 2 years!

NellyBluth · 25/09/2012 13:17

I was tempted with the idea the other day. DP works a night shift once a week or so and, inspired by another thread, I thought 'oh, that could be nice, that could be a girly thing me and DD do when daddy is not there', thinking especially as she gets a little older and understands it could be a real bonding thing to do.

Then I looked at the massive, high, exposed bed, and DD's sleep, and how luckily she is very happy in her own room, and thought... nope. Maybe not now.

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 25/09/2012 13:37

DS would not initally sleep in the bed, no way on earth! If I popped him in he would just crawl around and escape, find books and that sort of thing. He has to be placed in his cot to drop off, so I only do it if he wakes up.

It IS nice though, but I can remember sleeping in with my mum when I felt poorly or had a bad dream at 3/4/5 so you may find that less stressful with a high bed.

He did a poo in his nappy then woke me up riding my head like a horse in the morning, that part was not so nice.

DoNotDisturb · 25/09/2012 13:44

Have you thought of white noise for your eldest? You can buy a machine on amazon or simply use a fan or radio or buy a cd or download on your iPod/phone? I use white noise for both mine and it works a treat. I sleep trained my second and first never heard a thing..

Ps mine have slept in bathrooms in hotels and when visiting people. They've always slept better in their own room and if that room happened to be a bathroom when away so be it. I never saw a problem with it and they're both fine (and great sleepers!)

jaggythistle · 25/09/2012 13:45

YABU about the bathroom sleeping, it would be echoing and unpleasant i reckon.

although you didn't ask i agree that 9 months is a bad time to do it with the developmental thing of learning to stand and separation anxiety etc.

I don't really like sleep training anyway though, i just got up and down a lot till DS1 slept more. which was from about 10 months if that helps!

NellyBluth · 25/09/2012 13:58

Grin to the morning nap, Pickles!

At the moment I sleep on the floor in DD's room when she is poorly, but I do like the idea of sleeping with them when they are older and poorly. I remember being that too and it was always lovely.

Lueji · 25/09/2012 20:33

Just to add that I only did "falling asleep on his own training" when DS woke up every hour or couple of hours.

Waking up twice a night is hardly a big problem.