To be cross with this dog owner and to have told her she is a stupid cow

[Vagaceratops]

To get home DS2 and I have to walk across a large playing field which is also the local dog walking spot.

DS2 has SN and is not confident around dogs (I wouldnt say he was afraid but he cowers when he sees them). Today dog passes us coming down the hill as we are going up, about 2 metres in front of his owner. Dog stops to give DS a sniff. It was only a small dog but DS was still hiding behind me. Dog owner tells him not to be silly, that the dog wont hurt him. I say that he doesnt like dogs. She gives me a face and picks up the dog to bring it nearer to DS, saying there is nothing to be afraid of. DS squeals in fright so I bend down to pick him up. She brings the dog higher, telling DS again there is nothing to be scared of, the dog is friendly. DS starts to cry.

I walked off quickly carrying DS and over my shoulder I said 'stupid cow'. I know I lost the moral high ground at that point but I was so cross and DS was so upset. Its taken a good half hour to calm him down.

Keep it on a lead then Leena.

She wasn't a stupid cow she was trying to help your sonand bemaybe you should have just walked on and said no he really doesn't like dogs with a

Anyone who lets their dog run up to strangers is an arse.

A woman who is told that a child is frightened yet persists and lifts her dog to face level is monstrously arrogant and would have received much worse than 'stupid cow' from me.
Thick, arrogant behaviour.

And I don't give a toss how well other people manage their child's fears. Even if their child has SN.
If a child has fears attached to multiple or complex behaviours their parent/carer has bigger issues to deal with rather than something that wouldn't be a problem if all dog owners were responsible.

Lecturing the parent of the scared child rather than the pig shit thick dog owner seems bizarre to me.

I have two dogs. I would never let them run at anyone -especially a child.

How dare she?! Why shouldn't you walk across a playing field? I am furious on your behalf.

I would have called her worse.

Thank you everyone for all your posts.

Since Monday we havent been able to walk across the field because DS is too scared, so we have had to go the road way, making me scared but DS happier.

We have a Maclaren Major but DS doesnt like it very much.

I have been thinking about DS's dislike of dogs and I have realised that he probably has no idea about dogs. No one we know has one, so he has never spent any time around dogs. Maybe its something I could remedy in the future but at the moment we have so much other stuff going on.

I am sorry your dog has been hurt Leena, thats why I picked my DS up in the first place.

I think the dog thing must be way down your list of priorities OP - I'm fairly sure the poster who felt it was 'sad' that some children don't like dogs and saw it as her 'duty' to raise her children with animals has no idea how busy family live becomes around a child who has SN!

I'm sorry you have to walk on the road... I hope he's able to return to the field again soon.

WofflingOn Thu 27-Sep-12 07:34:26
dog came crashing through the bushes and leapt up at me, possibly in fun.

Completely wrong. Shouldn't have happened. No responsible owner lets that happen.

It was brown, that's all I saw before my enraged squaddie father perceived it as an attack, grabbed the animal and threw it a considerable distance into the woods.

i) If I'd seen someone treating an animal like that, it's likely he'd either have been following the dog, or at least been having an animal cruelty interview with the authorities

ii) if it had been one of the dogs I used to mind, whose lead had broken, he'd have wished he'd been thrown into the forest by me. Try chucking an irritated Shepherd anywhere twice, and you'd be fortunate.

If it were a choice between a dog off it's lead and my darling child the dog would get a faceful of boot.

I had no problem kicking out at a dog off it's lead which was snapping at my small, frightened dog on it's lead.

its, not it's. where's my head at??

I have a small dog and it doesn't run up to people, but if it did I would have it on a lead as I think its only considerate.

The same way some people think their child is being cute when they are just pestering people, other people seem to take that view with their pet. I don't walk my dog with the buggy any more not because my child is frightened but because having the dog with us means other dogs stroll over. My dog isn't really interested in making friends which is why she trots beside the buggy!

I never used to be that annoyed about with the dog on my own even though I'd be frequently saying 'she is a bit shy' to people. With baby there I do get more annoyed and am more on edge about strange dogs just rocking up out of nowhere.

I'm sure she was being thoughtless rather than mean but I will teach dd to be cautious of strange dogs despite being dog owners ourselves. Theres a difference between our pet and someone else's until you are sure what you're dealing with.

In short - keep your dogs under control and don't give dog owners a bad name by being thoughtless with them :)

It certainly wasn't helpful of her to carry on waving the dog at your child's face. I don't walk mine in public areas but if we happen to meet anyone they are always called back and either put on the lead or kept to one side. If someone wants to stroke them then that's fine but I would never push it on them.

As you have admitted your were wrong to call her a stupid cow though, she probably just didn't get it that your son really doesn't like dogs and thought she was trying to help.

I wouldn't try and push your ds into loving dogs, particularly not right now - let it blow over for a while. Honestly, dog lover as I am, it isn't the end of the world if he doesn't like them - he can learn how to avoid them without it being a big issue and as long as he knows not to rush up to strange dogs (which doesn't seem like something he'll be doing any time soon) then he'll be fine.

i'd have called her a 'stupid arrogant bitch'

you were far to polite

Yanbu. I have nothing against dogs, but i am a bit frightened of them, which is quite rational I feel, seeing as they injure people quite frequently and can actually be quite dangerous animals in some cases. I hate it when dogs come bounding over and jump all over me, especially when I have dd, and the owner shouts over (if I dare to look worried) "oh don't worry, he's very friendly, wouldn't hurt a fly!". Well how am I to know that if it's ran over to me barking and nearly knocking me over? It really frightens me sometimes and I think I deserve to walk/jog in a public place without my heart jumping out of my throat every 10 minutes! I wish dog lovers would realise that not everyone loves their precious dog as much as they do. Lots of people may think iabu but I don't care. People should realise that some people are scared of dogs, and there is nothing wrong with that.

I think most dog owners do MummysHappyPills . Look at most of the owners on this thread; they've agreed that the owner in the OP's case behaved badly. It's the actions of the irresponsible and insensitive few that are tarring the many here.

Oh and btw noone has instilled a fear of dogs into me, but the memory of my brother being bitten by a dog completely unprovoked whilst on his bike, plus the news stories you hear sadly far too frequently about children being mauled to death by family pets has gone some way to do that. Yes I know that not all dogs are vicious, but nevertheless these things do happen, and how am I to know in that split second when a dog is approaching me that it is actually friendly?

Yes fair enough miss, I have read back the thread and am glad most of the dog owners on here agree. Just that all the ones I encounter seem to think I am being silly for looking worried when their dogs approach me/dd.

My feeling is that perhaps the lady with the dog doesn't know much about children. Everyone posting on here seems to assume that it is given that the dog owner ought to have appreciated children can be fearful of dogs but she might not have known the first thing about this. As someone who has always had a dog and brought up my children in the country where nearly everyone else seems to have one I cannot think of a single instance over 21 years of child rearing where one of my sons' friends has been afraid of dogs. It must be an urban phenomena and very sad indeed if parents do not help their children appreciate the pleasures of loving man's best friend.

Gosh if anyone had shoved a dog in my DD's face, I would have said something too.

I wonder if anyone has come up with a good way or has advice on how to stop children being so frightened. My DH and I both love dogs, no fears at all, would love to have had one, but my DD 2.5 is absolutely terrified and seems to be getting worse, but there have been no incidents with dogs at all to my certain knowledge.

If we are out and one goes past, she is rigid with terror and claws at me to be picked up screaming. When this happens, after checking with owner, I or DH will pat the dog and tell her that he is lovely but she just shakes with terror and wont be put down for the rest of the time that she is out.

Someone near us has just bought a dog (not next door or at back) and it sometimes barks in the garden and now she wont ever go in the garden because of the 'scary doggy'. We cant take her for a walk on the common anymore because she is just miserable and in tears about the fact that there are dogs there (even if they are over the other side) and even the park is difficult. A wedding last weekend was really stressful because the parents had their very old and very lovely labrador there. No amount of other children and us stroking it and saying how lovely he was would stop her screaming if it went within 10 feet of her. Felt very sorry for the lab.

I dont know anyone with dogs, but am desperate to try and coax her out of it.

She at not know much about children. She also has a very limited grasp of simple courtesy.

Higgle if you read the thread the OPs child has SN. She has other issues to deal with.
My son has a huge fear of dogs. I have worked hard to over come his fears .
But in the midst of teaching my teenage son to tie shoelaces, speak, cross the road, eat properly, brush his teeth i am pretty knackered.

The attempts by some on here to blame the frightened child rather than the arrogant, rude and bossy woman is irritating.

I have lived in the country. I still understood that 'he is frightened' is a clear statement and I should back off.

Some of the 'oh but they are harmless, dogs are great and the fear is irrational' posts explain to me why some dog owners give the rest of us a bad name.

The problem with some dog owners is they think their pets are wonderful and can't understand why others are not so keen the woman was in the wrong.

The woman with the dog was totally in the wrong.

The whole point about an irrational fear is that is is irrational.

I have a fear of spiders. I know they aren't going to hurt me, at leat my head knows. But fear works on the level of instinct, and it has taken me a lot of hard work to get to the point of my head being able to overrule my instinct and able to at least remain calm in the same room as a spider.

In this case we are talking about a child with SN, who hasn't had the years of working on his fear. The Dog woman should have backed off as soon as it was pointed out the child was afraid.

if you read the thread the OPs child has SN. She has other issues to deal with.
My son has a huge fear of dogs. I have worked hard to over come his fears .
But in the midst of teaching my teenage son to tie shoelaces, speak, cross the road, eat properly, brush his teeth i am pretty knackered.

Hear hear. As I said upthread, I'm sure the OP has other priorities. This description of the child's fear of dogs as 'sad' implies she's not trying hard enough or something and irritates me intensely. My DS is terrified of hand dryers but I'll work on him being able to walk properly before I deal with that!

It's doesn't matter whether the owner knows anything about children or whether the victim is an adult/ child or has SN. It's rude & inconsiderate & disrespectfulto shove your dog in someone's face, especially when they have shown clearly that they don't like the animal.

I agree Grockle - my line of thought was about those posters who were suggesting the OP should make more effort to get her son to like dogs.

YANBU to be cross, although explaining rather than calling someone a stupid cow may have been more effective at stopping her doing the same again. It's easy for me to say in hindsight though!

Reminds me of when I was younger and still and living with my dad and new stepmother who had a HUGE untrained dog. My friend was bringing round her little son, so I checked that the dog was ok with kids. Was told yes, then the second the little boy came in this dog was barking full on in his face, teeth bared. I picked him up immediately of course and had words with the stepmother. Apparently the dog was just 'doing her job' guarding someone else's house, I'm not bitter. Such a bad attitude.

He was scared of dogs for years and would not come round our house again. I felt so bad. Luckily he's fine now and has a huge Labrador who's as soft as anything :)