To be cross with this dog owner and to have told her she is a stupid cow

[Vagaceratops]

To get home DS2 and I have to walk across a large playing field which is also the local dog walking spot.

DS2 has SN and is not confident around dogs (I wouldnt say he was afraid but he cowers when he sees them). Today dog passes us coming down the hill as we are going up, about 2 metres in front of his owner. Dog stops to give DS a sniff. It was only a small dog but DS was still hiding behind me. Dog owner tells him not to be silly, that the dog wont hurt him. I say that he doesnt like dogs. She gives me a face and picks up the dog to bring it nearer to DS, saying there is nothing to be afraid of. DS squeals in fright so I bend down to pick him up. She brings the dog higher, telling DS again there is nothing to be scared of, the dog is friendly. DS starts to cry.

I walked off quickly carrying DS and over my shoulder I said 'stupid cow'. I know I lost the moral high ground at that point but I was so cross and DS was so upset. Its taken a good half hour to calm him down.

I think that dog owners get a bit offended when you say your DC don't like dogs. Then they feel the need to prove that their dog is lovely, and not like the other dogs who bark at you or burst your DCs football.

Their dog will cure the fear.

DS1 is 13 he is very wary of dogs, and would rather not have them near him.

I think she sounds like she was trying to help your son come over his fear knowing full well her dog wouldn't hurt him! I think she was just probably trying to be nice :-)

She wasn't treating her own dog too well, either. Scared small children aren't nice for dogs. If she keeps trying that one, the dog could get scared of/aggressive towards children.

YANBU for being cross with her actions, however, YABU for saying that to her. I'm sure her intentions were good.

I think dog-owners have a duty to their pets to have good actions not just good intentions, though.

YANBU

My DS was horribly bitten and then for some years afraid of dogs running towards him. The number of owners who did nothing to rein in their dogs even though they could see he was frightened instead they would nonchalantly tell me their dogs were fine.

I agree with the poster upthread , why do some dog owners think its ok for their mutt to jump up on you with their filthy paws while they smile on indulgently saying weakly "No Fido"

If you want to help your DS get over his fear then thats up to you not some busybody dogowner shoving her dog in his face

I don't like the language you used, but she was totally stupid. You don't take a dog closer to a child that you can see is frightened.

I used to get so fed up of this when DC were small.
My brother knew my daughter was terrified of dogs but still thought it a good idea to let his big, bouncy, Labrador off its lead to chase after the cousins as they were running through a wood. His rationale? The dog loved children and wouldn't do her any harm. Ok if you don't count the terror of having a big animal throw itself on you frombehind, barking and jumping when you were unsure about dogs even in the most controlled environment.

The best though was the lady who insisited we got off our bikes, when we were cycling across the common once, as her dog was scared of bikes. Of course we complied. She then let her dog come up to our children who were waiting patiently by their bikes. I asked, very politely, if she would mind moving her dog on as my child was scared of dogs. She proceed to harangue me that my child shouldn't be scared of dogs and I was bringing her up badly. I didn't follow the logic at all and was quite cross that she hadn't returned our courtesy, in stopping our bikes without question, by moving her dog away from our terrified child.

You were probably being a bit unreasonable in calling her a stupid cow but I can really understand the temptation.

YANBU, and I think it was stupid of her, she clearly was unable to read the situation at all! DD is scared too, and always wants to be picked up (she's only 2), I hold her hand and tell her it's fine, but she would be beside herself if someone did this, and it certainly wouldn't help her conquer her fear. I actually think walking your DS home through dog walkers is probably a good way to help him, he can see dogs with their owners but not bothering him. But how you help him with his fear is for you to judge, not some random in the park.

Oh dear. TBH she does sound like she was trying to be friendly, albeit misplaced
I think you were a bit harsh

Are all the people saying "ooh she was just trying to be nice" and similar stupid things, dog owners ?

It doesnt matter how 'friendly' a dog is, if you are afraid of it or just dont like smelly mutts bounding up to you then you have the right to tell someone you dont want the dog near you.

Its not dog owners place to 'teach' little ones not to be afraid force the things on people and dog owners need to get it into their heads not everyone is in love with their pest

YANBU. I love dogs, had a dog growing up, I am lucky my DS likes dogs too and I would love a dog but don't have the space or time a dog would need - but I don't really think there is any kind of obligation on everyone else to like and socialise with dogs too which is how some doggy AIBU threads seem to turn out.

Contrastingly, if you inflict your DCs on strangers, or DCs inflict themselves and you're not sharp enough to nip it in the bud you'll get short shrift.

The other day DS was sat opposite a very grumpy* man on the train reading his newspaper and piped up with "Hello man wassyourname?" and the man lifted his newspaper in an effort to avoid encouraging him. So I just explained in a low voice "the man's busy, he's reading, ooh look at those cows". Should I have lifted DS above the newspaper and thrust him in the man's face saying "Don't be silly man, my son just wants to talk to you " I would have been expecting to get called more than a "silly cow".

And if someone did shove a spider in my face it would take every fibre of my being to not react with a John Prescott style lashing out punch. I get unreasonably angry with newspapers that print spider pictures.

*He was already grumpy by virtue of the fact that about 25 under 5s and their mothers and fathers had descended on his empty carriage and had already shouted at Barbara to cut it out with the ukelele so although I felt I would have just moved carriage at first opportunity if my peace been so rudely invaded, I could see why he was not in the brightest of moods.

YANBU.

I am 41, I can vividly remember a Jack Russell hanging off my Dad's ankle y it's teeth and not letting go. It put me right off dogs, I still don't like them, I don't trust them at all. Had she have done that to me I'd have kicked her in the shins!

YANBU I have a dog who I adore but I full understand that there are probably only 3 other people in the world who adore her equally! I hate how people force their dogs on others. Some people just have no manners. My dog is put on a lead around all strangers and all children...because I adore her. It's to protect her, she is after all an animal. If your child is scared he could have lashed out/kicked and even a friendly dog shouldn't be expected to do nothing in defence.

She was a stupid cow. I am a dog owner and lover, but would not bring my so laid back he is horizontal Labrador near any scared looking child. If kids want to come up and pet him, fine, I'll make him sit and hold his collar while they do so, but would never dream of forcing him on a child that was scared. And I certainly wouldn't tell the child they were being "silly". That is rude, so you were rude back. Tough.

YABU to have called a stupid cow.

YANBU to be angry about her "good intentions". As a dog owner I appreciate that some people - adults and children - are frightened of dogs. I also appreciate many fears are "irrational" and cannot be cured by exposure. I am petrified of cows and break out in a sweat whenever I see one - this will not be cured by a friendly smaller cow being thrust at me.

I do not allow my dog to approach anyone unless they also have an off leash dog, or make a move to greet her.

Maybe though you need to be ready in case this happens again. You could block the dog by standing in front of your DS and tell the owner assertively that your child is frightened please recall your dog.

I hope that your DS isn't too upset by what happened.

YANBU to be irritated but calling her a stupid cow was ignorant and rude.

Like it or not, there are lots of dogs around and your DC will have many many terrified hours if he can't get used to them. You can't shield him from animals forever. My SIL tried doing that with my nephew and at the age of seven he still cries if a dog comes near him which is ridiculous (granted he does not have SN though). Most dogs are not dangerous and horrible and frightening.

She shouldn't have put him near your son's face though.

No, just think that the woman sounded like she was just being friendly, albeit misplaced
It doesn't sound like there was any reason to be rude

YANBU, DS2 has Aspergers and until about a year ago was absolutely petrified of dogs. I got so sick of people at best "trying to be friendly", letting their dog run up to my clearly petrified child, telling me how lovely their dog was, how it loved children, etc etc and at worst telling DS not to be silly, and once even saying that DS should be on a lead, not the dog when he was trying to crawl up me to get away from a dog (yes really ).

The good news is he did get over his phobia eventually and we now have a dog . But I always try to make sure that I am considerate and I realise not everyone likes dogs so I certainly wouldn't try to persuade them otherwise.

YANBU

I have huge dogs, they are lovely and friendly and sweet and gorgeous but I know that not everyone sees them that way and so one of the first things they were taught was not to approach strangers. I fully accept that not everyone will like them and why should they?!

I am utterly petrified scared of spiders, if someone shoved one in my face my reaction would probably be to punch them in the face, luckily no one has ever been stupid enough to try it

What is it with some people, not everyone likes dog's!

I'm a parent and we have two very large dogs.

YANBU

Am horrified this woman imposed her dog on your child and sincerely hope he is ok and not too upset.
Hate when other owners behave like this, gives us all a bad name.

Bizarrely, DD (2) is stone cold terrified of small fluffy dogs now after being jumped on and mouthed by so many. Their owners seem much less concerned when it's something so little but to DD, a spaniel is enormous.

Looks very peculiar as she cuddles our two giants on walks then screams blue murder when a tiny pup waggles up to her!

DD is not seriously scared, just doesn't trust small fluffies.
I'd be livid in your shoes OP.

Yanbu for being really cross, but I think it would have been more effective to state really assertively 'do not put your dog in my childs face' rather than walking off and saying 'stupid cow' over your shoulder which will make her feel you're in the wrong.

I am petrified of cows and break out in a sweat whenever I see one - this will not be cured by a friendly smaller cow being thrust at me.

Sorry this really made me laugh for some reason.

Think you both could have handled it better. If I'm walking my dogs and come across a child who is scared of them I might say something along the lines of " its OK sweetheart they are friendly dogs they won't bite you they are just saying hello" to reassure the child and to reassure the parent that i have noticed the child is scared. I am aware that they can be boisterous and might be frightening so I will put them on leads straight away and take them away from the child. The woman should have backed off not forced the issue but it wasn't nice to speak to her like that either.