To be cross with this dog owner and to have told her she is a stupid cow

[Vagaceratops]

To get home DS2 and I have to walk across a large playing field which is also the local dog walking spot.

DS2 has SN and is not confident around dogs (I wouldnt say he was afraid but he cowers when he sees them). Today dog passes us coming down the hill as we are going up, about 2 metres in front of his owner. Dog stops to give DS a sniff. It was only a small dog but DS was still hiding behind me. Dog owner tells him not to be silly, that the dog wont hurt him. I say that he doesnt like dogs. She gives me a face and picks up the dog to bring it nearer to DS, saying there is nothing to be afraid of. DS squeals in fright so I bend down to pick him up. She brings the dog higher, telling DS again there is nothing to be scared of, the dog is friendly. DS starts to cry.

I walked off quickly carrying DS and over my shoulder I said 'stupid cow'. I know I lost the moral high ground at that point but I was so cross and DS was so upset. Its taken a good half hour to calm him down.

And as I said in my earlier post, I think She lost the moral high ground before you did, by calling your son "silly" - denying his very real fear is much ruder than the truthful comment you made!!

YANBU, it is not for her to decide when where or how your ds conquers his fear, and she was a silly cow.

i think it is quite bad you called her a stupid cow. I have a puppy and I find it incredible how many children/adult kids are terrified of dogs.
My dog is a jack russell puppy and has been trained so will come back sit etc never jumps up, she never goes up to children because she has been trained not to and if she wants attention she sits for it. I never take her anywhere near playgrounds etc for her own peace of mind because she is either greeted by loud hysterically screaming from either excited children or alternatively children that are terrified!

I have a 4 and 3 year dds and I see it as my duty in bringing them up to love animals and not fear them instead learn how to handle them, the same is said about my puppy.. understandably there are dog owners that are not so aware of their dogs nature and there are certain breeds I wouldn't trust near my children but as young as my children they always always ask the owner and myself whether they can pat a dog.

I just think it is sad that kids are frightened of animals if they have never had a bad experience, understandable if they have been bitten etc but just sad really as I see how much jo my two girls get from their family pets x

fortoday that's all great for you, BUT the OP son has special needs and IS afraid of dogs, and it's not up to a dog owner to decide he shouldn't be.

I agree with toomuchmonth - of course it is sad if a child is frightened of dogs - I was sad that my DS was frightened of dogs, but a phobia is not a rational thing. He even told me that he didn't want to be frightened and wished he wasn't, but it took a lot of time and effort to get over it.

I would add that a child that is frightened of dogs won't necessarily be frightened of them their whole life. I was terrified of dogs as a kid. My parents didn't work on it or pack me off to a psychologist. One day I just realised that I had grown out of it and now I have a rescue staffy!

YANBU. She was a stupid cow.

YANBU.

I walk dogs, and often see "nervous" kids. If they want, I tell them they can pet the dog, putting him into a sit for them.

I tell them they must i) ask their mum ii) ask the dog owner and iii) wash their hands afterwards.

I'd never take a dog to a nervous kid who was frightened; there are mums and kids stupidly terrified that we don't need any more.

I'd add picking a child up is always a bad idea unless in extremis, as it just makes the dog interested.

I have children, too. And would never, ever leave any child alone with a dog. Unfair to both of them.

Oh, Machadaynu? I'd rather many parks were free of irritating parents, slobbering and whining children, and the litter they left behind - of all sorts. Guess we'll both have to cope with it.

She was too pushy and interfering but probably thought she was being nice and helpful.

(I suspect the 'silly' comment to your DS was meant in that misjudged well meaning way of 'there's no need for that).

People should control their dogs and keep than away from those who do not wish to interact with them.

BUT You were horribly rude and nasty.

You could have dealt with her without calling her a 'stupid cow'. (is it just me that finds this deeply unpleasant?)

But then on another thread I've discovered teenagers openly using cunt and pussy is fine with some people so maybe I just live in a polite little bubble.

Fortoday - you are utterly ridiculous!
The whole point of fear is that it is irrational. Imagine the thing you are most frightened of. Spiders for example. Now imagine a huge spider being shoved in your face. How would you feel?
Shoving the offending object in your face will, of course, cure your irrational fear. Not ...

Try joining the real world!

OP I think you were NOT being unreasonable.

I do, however, think you need some kind of assertive "Please don't bring your dog any closer" line ready.

I go to the playpark at the end of our road a lot, it's a swingset and climbing frame and slide in an open field, that backs onto a playing field and then a long trail through the local woods. Because of this there are regularly dogs around, and I often walk my dog and toddler through the woods and field before we end up at the swings (bribery in action!).

Sometimes my dog has been running off-leash through the woods and fields (allowed, appropriate) and if there are other children at the park, I then leash her. If there aren't, I tend to let her roam around. When families arrive, I leash her and say something along the lines of "I don't know how your children feel about dogs, so I'm going to tie her here. She's calm and very used to babies and toddlers but she might bark at strange men, specially wearing hats. If they want to pet her I will come over and introduce them."

The majority of families in this area say "oh, let her run, we have a dog/they love dogs/can they come and stroke her?" but a few are slightly hesitant or even just say "they're not so keen" and we always move right away, at once. I cannot see how shoving your dog at a child who's afraid of dogs will do anything but upset them! She was being unreasonable.

What I'm saying is, as a dog owner who also has a child, I'm happy to be told "please can you move your dog?" at any point, and I try to make sure no one is upset. It really helps if people say out loud and clearly "they don't like dogs, please keep your dog away" - anyone who ignores such a statement is being extremely U.

YANBU for wanting the woman to leave your ds alone, though i do think if your ds is scared of dogs then you should avoid walking through the local dog walking area. I know you say your son runs off, i'm not sure how old your ds is but you could use a back pack with reins (little life back pack) or even a pushchair. Dd2 is 6.5 with ASD and if we have to walk far she goes in her sn buggy (for her own safety).

YANBU and I am a massive dog fan! The woman should have recalled her dog as soon as she saw you, that is what is meant by having a dog under control. If by accident the dog had approached you she should have apologized and called the dog back, especially so if she noticed your DS being worried/afraid. While it would be good if your DS became less afraid of dogs it's neither her place to get him used to her, nor did she go about it in the right way anyway.

If you do want to get DS used to dogs one of the best ways is to find a very chilled out dog that is willing to do a long down stay. Then allow your DS to do his own thing as far away from the dog as he wants. If he shows any interest in the dog, e.g. looking, or going anywhere in the direction of the dog praise him, but don't force him or talk him into doing anything, he is better off taking his own time. He may not make it all the way to the dog the first time but keep giving him opportunities to become comfortable in the presence of (if possible) the same dog and sooner or later he will get there! (apologies if someone else has already suggested this tactic, unfortunately I have not had time to read the entire thread).

She's an idiot. When I'm walking my dog and a child reacts with fear she is swiftly moved away. If a nervous child shoes an interest in petting her her lead is put on, she's held tightly and made to sit and the child can pet without fear of an over enthuthiastic dog jumping up. There's never an excuse for forcing a dog at someone, regardless of size.

I think to some people their dogs are almost like children, so its hard for them to understand how people can be afraid. She probably meant well.
I am terrified of dogs and have been as far back as I can remember even though I grew up in house which always had two dogs, I used to walk them and feed them but was always scared of them and wouldn't be in a room on my own with them. Apparently I was chased round my garden by a boistrous but friendly puppy as a toddler and was traumatised by it (though I have no memory of it). Having a dog shoved in my face would terrify me! Your poor DS! Its probably made him even more scared!

Our little black friendly dog has been kicked and hit by neurotic parents previously because she runs up wagging her tail and some angst ridden father who instilled the fear in the first place decides that's the course of action to take. I think some dog owners give other dogs and owners a bad reputation but some parents are completely neurotic.

YANBU. There's absolutely no reason why anyone should push THEIR business onto anyone else's, and that goes for their animals no matter how friendly they are.

I would have called her a stupid cow as well, and to hell with anyone who would have thought me JK fodder for it!

YANBU and she is a loon.

Leena49, that's precisely the point that is being made here. KEEP YOUR BLOODY DOG TO YOURSELF AND TRAIN IT TO IGNORE PEOPLE UNLESS INVITED.
I was out with my very new PFB in a sling years ago, dog came crashing through the bushes and leapt up at me, possibly in fun.
It was brown, that's all I saw before my enraged squaddie father perceived it as an attack, grabbed the animal and threw it a considerable distance into the woods.
Didn't see owner at all.

grabbed the animal and threw it a considerable distance into the woods

Sort of lol'ing but then i remember i saw on another thread about a cat being thrown in a temper and hitting a door...

I understand the people who say they have seen children who are petrified and are wondering if their parents have demonised dogs, after all, not every child you see that is scared, can have been a dog bite victim.

I totally understand the 'dog shouldn't be by me anyway' camp

But as a dog owner, there is nothing more embarrassing than your dog ignoring all your calls in an effort to go say hi to everyone, especially if they have been socialised well and tend to see any other person as a potential new admirer/fuss giver.

Then again, it frustrates the living hell out of me that people with non socialised dogs take them to areas where its well known that dogs will quite possibly be loose.

I think a tiny bit of tolerance and common sense goes a long way. I'm glad not to meet anyone on my walks who responds in the way some posters here have. I have profusely apologised for my sweaty sock smelling dog going to say hi inappropriately, i leash him where ever children are if they are likely to run up to him. Or if they have a football as he's footy barmy.
The rest of the time he ignores other people. I most certainly would not deliberately push him on someone who didn't want him in their space, though.

Owning a dog is sometimes like owning a bratty ill behaved child. Can't please everyone.. lol.. have to aim for the majority, then :)

Next time, you look her in the eye and tell her

You take that dog away from my child now and don't you even dare come near us with that dog again.

Leena, why is your dog not on a leash and why do you let it run to people you don't know?

Once a dog approached my baby laying on the grass and I was not happy at all.

Can you 100% say that your dog won't harm anyone?

And you don't know how scared some children get. Why spoil their day?

Btw, DS was not so much scared of dogs, but of things running towards him. :(

So having and letting a dog going after him was the worst thing to do ever.

And I have always been the one trying to get him used to dogs, but it takes time and patience and the cooperation of dog owners who don't just let their dogs go after DS.