to lock DS out cos it's Sunday night and I want to sleep, tell me quickly please!

[flow4]

OK, I think I probably ABU, but what do I do? I'm just not good at dealing with night-time arguements when I'm tired, so I need some advice please...

I went to bed at 9ish tonight, to watch a DVD and then sleep. DS (17) had a friend in, and I'd said he needed to go home at 9:45, so I phoned at 9:55 (when my DVD finished) to check he'd gone (too sleepy to get out of bed)... Turns out DS himself has gone out, without telling me, and is now "at the takeaway".

I asked him to come home. He said he'd be back by 10:45. I said that was too late. I shouted, which never helps, but I'm tired. I asked him to come back by 10:15. He didn't. At 10:30 I texted him to say I'd lock the door in 5 mins. He still isn't back.

I'm cross. I'm tired. I've dug myself a hole cos if I lock him out, then either (a) he'll wake me up knocking to get in, or (b) he won't come home, and I won't be able to sleep and he probably won't make college in the morning either

Help, please! What should I do?? Can someone be the voice of reason for me please? Because left to my own devices I'd be texting swear words to him and plotting revenge and retribution in an unhealthy and unhelpful way

Text him to come home and get some sleep. You sound really tired and stressed. Hope you feel better soon...

I think you should be thankful that he's happy enough to be in your house with his friend at that age. He could be doing a lot worse.

Like the other posters I'm shocked that you ordered him to come home at 10pm. I also wonder why his friend was to be out of your home by 9.45pm. As long as they weren't being overly noisy what harm were they doing?

Sympathy for what? Being an overprotective mother? You'll get none from me- my mother was and it made my teen years hell and caused her the exact opposite of what she wanted to happen (I.e I'd stay out far later than id have planned to out of pure churlishness)

OP's other thread, same issue

well done goldship :)

the thought of a 17 year old being locked out in the cold, wet windy weather leaves me feeling quite sad

Sympathy for wanting to lock a teenager out in the rain all night, with nowhere to sleep, for the crime of not being home when you want to go to sleep?

And you thought aibu on mumsnet was the place for that?

Thanks GoldShip I thought I remembered that.

OP has also said she's suffered from domestic violence from her son :( bit strange that you've got such strict rules then flow

Hope that's stopped now

I've read the other thread - DS is right you not sleeping is your issue.

I do understand if you read my PM and I do sympathise - but and here's the crux .....

You need help to deal with this - you cant control him - it's emotional abuse.

I'm shocked at the level of aggression and anger in the other thread purely because the OPs adult child makes adult choices she diss approves of.
OP whatever has happened to make you so anxious about your son going out- being unable to settle etc. And why are you so hellbent on micro managing every choice he makes regarding how late he stays up ?

Oh ffs GoldShip you're right, that's exactly the same issue..all about me me me where the OP is concerned.

OP seriously, I'm surprised your DS bothers to come home at all.

If you don't get help for your anxiety soon, I suspect he won't bother.

I have to hand it to him though, he seems like a very patient young man...but his patience may well wear thing soon.

Please seek help.

She has already admitted to BU, I think she is getting a pretty hard time tbh cut her some slack, sounds like she just wanted to vent really.

good grief at 17 he could have joined up or got married or anything.
I am sure he will leave home soon OP anyway.

Thank you Goldship.

I think there's more to this than meets the eye. It doesn't sound healthy.

Usual it IS relevant though as it shows this is an ongoing angst of the OPs

op - I have had many, many issues with my nearly 18 year old this past 12 months but whilst we have had many battles, my main thought is that he is safe, the nights he has stormed out of the house (with bag packed, never coming back here again, we don't care for him, the usual teenager rant, but a few years later than normal!) my main concern is that he was safe. When this has happened, I have locked the house for security, but taken the keys out of the door so he can let himself in even though I have been more than furious with him, what he had done etc.

The main concern should be he is safe, not that you get 8 hours sleep

I agree with usual, you should have asked the OP before linking

Go to sleep but set your alarm for midnight? That way you can fall asleep properly comforted that you will be woken to check he got in ok iyswim.

He's 17, he has a key, he's nipped out for a pizza. Go to bed and relax OP.

At 17 I was working shifts till 5 am. I was also a mother and living in my own home. Unclench.

Think people are being a bit harsh here. Clearly there's a lot to this story and OP is feeling under strain. Yes she is being unreasonable but the thread is taking a bit of a nasty turn...

As this is an open forum I can link what I like. It's relevant to people's opinions.

I think the thread Gold linked to is entirely relevant on this occasion.

It's not as though she linked to it for 'gossip's sake' or anything silly like that.

It's to prove that this is infact an ongoing problem for the OP rather than any kind of abnormal/out of order behaviour on her son's part.

I think the link provided perspective here.