to lock DS out cos it's Sunday night and I want to sleep, tell me quickly please!

[flow4]

OK, I think I probably ABU, but what do I do? I'm just not good at dealing with night-time arguements when I'm tired, so I need some advice please...

I went to bed at 9ish tonight, to watch a DVD and then sleep. DS (17) had a friend in, and I'd said he needed to go home at 9:45, so I phoned at 9:55 (when my DVD finished) to check he'd gone (too sleepy to get out of bed)... Turns out DS himself has gone out, without telling me, and is now "at the takeaway".

I asked him to come home. He said he'd be back by 10:45. I said that was too late. I shouted, which never helps, but I'm tired. I asked him to come back by 10:15. He didn't. At 10:30 I texted him to say I'd lock the door in 5 mins. He still isn't back.

I'm cross. I'm tired. I've dug myself a hole cos if I lock him out, then either (a) he'll wake me up knocking to get in, or (b) he won't come home, and I won't be able to sleep and he probably won't make college in the morning either

Help, please! What should I do?? Can someone be the voice of reason for me please? Because left to my own devices I'd be texting swear words to him and plotting revenge and retribution in an unhealthy and unhelpful way

But so is he, going out after I am in bed without telling me, when he knows I can't settle when he's out and I don't know where he is... And when he knows the dog will bark like a mad thing when he comes back, and wake me up... And when everyone has to get up in the morning. I wouldn't do that to him, or to a flat mate, and I wouldn't (for example) have a lodger who went out at night and disturbed me coming in, so it seems very unfair to have to put up with it from my own son. It's inconsiderate and it drives me mad

WTF?? He's 17 not 7.

If you can't settle when he's out, that's entirely your problem...why are you trying to make it his?

You gave him a 10.45 curfew at his age?

Really?

He Is 17 not 7, you can't expect him to be tucked up in his pj's at 7:30pm

E

What the hell are you going to do when he's 18 and can come and go as he pleases?

Stop treating him like a child. It's not his fault you can't 'settle'.

I'm sorry, it is in no way reasonable for a teenager of 17 or a lodger or partner or anyone to have to be in by 10pm just to suit you!!!! I'm gobsmacked that you think that is somehow normal.
My 17 year

OP does your son have a key? If not, why not? And if so, let it go. Get yourself to bed, chill, wake him up with a tin-pan tomorrow. I think it was very rude of him to not let you know he was going out, but then maybe he thought you were sleeping.

Pressed send t

Do you work shifts? Or are you poorly? Because it seems horribly unreasonable to inflict your early night on the rest of your household.

I can't settle until my DS is home either, and he's 17. Never occurred to me to tell him that.

Seriously... he is not a child, why are you treating him like one?

11pm at night is not inconsiderate, it is normal.

He has a key so you're the one creating a problem here. Why on earth would you double lock the door.

I'd be understanding if he didn't have a key and you didn't want to wait up!

I'm sorry, it is in no way reasonable for a teenager of 17 or a lodger or partner or anyone to have to be in by 10pm just to suit you!!!! I'm gobsmacked that you think that is somehow normal.
My 17 year old has an 11pm curfew on college nights and if I have an early start I go up before he comes in. If the dog is going to bark then you know you'll know he's in safely.

He should have a key.

But being 17 doesnt automatically excuse him from having some respect. Its your house OP, your rules.

Also there would be no way i would be waking him up for college, he is an adult and he should be getting himself up.

cut the apron strings

Thanks for all the replies... I can't keep up :)

Pinky - "he might be staying out longer now out of spite/too prove a point" < He definitely is. I think that's why I'm so cross. He isn't "at the takeaway" for over an hour, either

Britta, some very bad things have happened to/with him over the past 6 months and it has made me stressy.

MrsTCO, thank you, you're right. You're my voice of reason.

I wish I could sleep not knowing where he is or when he'll be back, but I can't :( My nights are now more broken than they have been since he was a toddler :( I'm exhausted and self-pitying and I don't like living with a nocturnal teenager :(

wannabe what's he dOne that's disrespectful?

what on earth are you going to do in a few months when he's off out clubbing etc til 4 or 5am??

If he has a key how does double locking it stop him opening it, doesn't he just turn the key and extra time or do you have 2 key operated locks on your door which sounds a bit strange.
He has a key, you can lock the door and secure a key, he is 17 and safe.
I'd just be annoyed at him being out this late on a school night, but wouldn't lock him out, just stop him going out this late again on a Sunday.

Double locking the door sounds like control freakery to me.

Why would you do that?

And why doesn't he have a key to unlock the other lock anyway?

Op what are you going to do when he's 18, an adult?

If he was rolling back pissed at 4am you might have a point. As it is you sound horribly controlling.

Do you 'allow' him to go to parties? Because they tend to go on much later than that, as do clubs and nightclubs, where most people in thir late teens go.

What will he do at uni next year? If he hasn't had chance to get used to real life, he will be in trouble :-(

Worra I was thinking maybe its a chain lock?