to lock DS out cos it's Sunday night and I want to sleep, tell me quickly please!

[flow4]

OK, I think I probably ABU, but what do I do? I'm just not good at dealing with night-time arguements when I'm tired, so I need some advice please...

I went to bed at 9ish tonight, to watch a DVD and then sleep. DS (17) had a friend in, and I'd said he needed to go home at 9:45, so I phoned at 9:55 (when my DVD finished) to check he'd gone (too sleepy to get out of bed)... Turns out DS himself has gone out, without telling me, and is now "at the takeaway".

I asked him to come home. He said he'd be back by 10:45. I said that was too late. I shouted, which never helps, but I'm tired. I asked him to come back by 10:15. He didn't. At 10:30 I texted him to say I'd lock the door in 5 mins. He still isn't back.

I'm cross. I'm tired. I've dug myself a hole cos if I lock him out, then either (a) he'll wake me up knocking to get in, or (b) he won't come home, and I won't be able to sleep and he probably won't make college in the morning either

Help, please! What should I do?? Can someone be the voice of reason for me please? Because left to my own devices I'd be texting swear words to him and plotting revenge and retribution in an unhealthy and unhelpful way

Yabu. You can't lock him out. He's a big lad now and should have a key of his own.

He is 17... why does he not have a key?

Why doesn't he have a key?

Can you leave one under the bin/matt for him?

Why hasn't he got a key

Why hasn't he got a key? YABU.

You've warned him, he's not listened, i'd lock the door.

17 and no key?? YABU, sorry.

He is 17, are you having a laugh? Why hasn't he got a key.

He's 17, he answered his phone and told u where he was and what time he'd be back. That seems reasonable to me...he might be staying out longer now out of spite/too prove a point. Is there a reason u needed him in at 10:15? Doesn't he have a key?

and where do you expect him to sleep if you lock him out?

YABVVVU. Don't be a twat, let him in, give him a key and don't be so controlling with a teenager who is almost an adult.

^^ as above ^^^

how very odd. he needs a key so he can come and go.

I would write tonight off as a bad interaction. Talk to him tomorrow about your worries and what is OK for everyone to expect. You will get a lot further with explaining that you are worried about him than empty threats.

Is there a reason you needed him in the house so early? Does he have some kind of special need where he can't get himself to bed/be trsted with a key?

Of course you can't lock him out, he lives there and should have a key.

My mum locked me out once. I assume her thinking was like yours. I thought she was a cock then and I still do now. I walked the streets, sat on the bus and think I ended up in a mate's shed.

YABVU. Give him a key.

He does have a key. I could double lock the door to prevent him from using it. I know IABU.

But so is he, going out after I am in bed without telling me, when he knows I can't settle when he's out and I don't know where he is... And when he knows the dog will bark like a mad thing when he comes back, and wake me up... And when everyone has to get up in the morning. I wouldn't do that to him, or to a flat mate, and I wouldn't (for example) have a lodger who went out at night and disturbed me coming in, so it seems very unfair to have to put up with it from my own son. It's inconsiderate and it drives me mad.

You need to talk to him calmly tomorrow. And agree a reasonable time for him to be in at night .. not unrealistically early, but a sensible time if he has college in the morning.

I agree he needs a key!

17 not a child therefore he needs a key, trust and responsibility to get himself to college.

I've had to come back to this as it's incredulous, I can't get over a 17 year old not being allowed out or to have mates over at 10 o clock.

flow that is your problem and not your sons

he knows I can't settle when he's out and I don't know where he is

its not his fault you can't sleep without him being home, especially when you want to go to bed so early.
You are being ridiculous.

He's in trouble because you can't settle and the dog barks?
Home by 11 is reasonable if he has college in the morning, and I'd hate living next to a dog that barked every time someone came into the house.

So, let me get this right....your 17 year old has goine out to get himself a take away and you are unhappy that he has gone out without telling you and feel like you won't be able to relax until he is home which will be in, what, 30 mins max?

I'm sure I have a spare grip round here to pass on to you.

Your poor son.

when he knows I can't settle when he's out and I don't know where he is... And when he knows the dog will bark like a mad thing when he comes back, and wake me up.

Can you not see those are your issues - you need to sort that out and teach the dog not to bark - not try to control your sons comings and going.

He isn't a lodger.

This is appalling.