to lock DS out cos it's Sunday night and I want to sleep, tell me quickly please!

[flow4]

OK, I think I probably ABU, but what do I do? I'm just not good at dealing with night-time arguements when I'm tired, so I need some advice please...

I went to bed at 9ish tonight, to watch a DVD and then sleep. DS (17) had a friend in, and I'd said he needed to go home at 9:45, so I phoned at 9:55 (when my DVD finished) to check he'd gone (too sleepy to get out of bed)... Turns out DS himself has gone out, without telling me, and is now "at the takeaway".

I asked him to come home. He said he'd be back by 10:45. I said that was too late. I shouted, which never helps, but I'm tired. I asked him to come back by 10:15. He didn't. At 10:30 I texted him to say I'd lock the door in 5 mins. He still isn't back.

I'm cross. I'm tired. I've dug myself a hole cos if I lock him out, then either (a) he'll wake me up knocking to get in, or (b) he won't come home, and I won't be able to sleep and he probably won't make college in the morning either

Help, please! What should I do?? Can someone be the voice of reason for me please? Because left to my own devices I'd be texting swear words to him and plotting revenge and retribution in an unhealthy and unhelpful way

I really am speechless at this thread. I cant even put into words what I want to say.

So you can lock the door, which I like to do too, I can't sleep knowing the door is unlocked. He has a key to get back in. But you want to double lock it so he can't get in and you are cross that if you do lock him out he will knock to ask to be let back in.

"seems very unfair to have to put up with it from my own son." Your son is the one person you put up with everything from ffs. If the worst he's up to at 17 is having a quiet Sunday at home with a friend then going to get himself some dinner you have a lovely teenager.

You won't have to put up with this too long though, no doubt once he's done college and has a job he'll be out sharpish rather than put up with a Mother who'd lock him out of his own home.

He has a key! Go to sleep and talk to him in the morning. Set a reasonable curfew for his age, and stop making him responsible for the trouble you have sleeping when he is not there. We all worry about our children when they are not with us, but you cannot expect him to take this on his shoulders.

You should apologise to him for your rash words. Explain that you were tired. He needs to wake himself for college - if he is adult enough to go out late at night, he is adult enough to wake himself in the morning. He will be living away from home soon enough, you need to be teaching him to be an independent person.

Is he home yet?

I'm dreading this stage.

at 17 i was in the nightclubs :)

Am I the only one who can see the irony in a Mother who can't sleep while her son is out at a takeaway, but can somehow sleep having locked him out and having no clue where he's going to spend the night?

I hope you don't mind I've pmd you

I was thinking the same worra!

when he knows I can't settle when he's out and I don't know where he is...
But youd happily lock him out all night and tuck yourself up in bed, snug and warm?
Yeah, it sounds like you are really worried!

YANBU. You are being totally ridiculous.

worral i didn't think about it that way :) lol

You are being far too hard on a 17 year old. He's a legal adult in many respects and will soon become a full one. I'd regularly stay out all night without warning my parents at that age, I'd come and go as I please. Luckily (for us both), they were very chilled out and just let me get on with it.

Xpost with Worra!

Fuck me my parents soon learned from when I was about 16 if I was going to stay out late there was absolutey nothing they could do about it and allowed me to get on with it.
What happened that has made you stressy? Should you maybe be getting some counselling about it rather than becoming a nervous wreck and an overprotective mother?

Take the other lock off and go to sleep.

He'll either roll home or stop at his friends. Either way talk to him tomorrow.

At 17 I skiiped school and went to Glastonbury. Rang DM from the motorway. Poor DM!

Him popping for a pizza really isntmthat big of a deal.

"Am I the only one who can see the irony in a Mother who can't sleep while her son is out at a takeaway, but can somehow sleep having locked him out and having no clue where he's going to spend the night"

Yes I thought that too!

How old are your children, wannabedomesticgoddess?
My two are both nocturnal, but perfectly respectful.

I think tiredness has kicked in with the OP and she is over thinking.

OP just give him a tinkle, and apologise, tell him you won't be locking the door obviously and that you hope he is back shortly as he has to get himself up for college, and that you will see him tomorrow as you are going to sleep now.

Fuck me. I said right from the start IABU, but I thought I might get a bit of sympathy. My mistake. Some of you are nastily aggressive and presumptuous too.

Didn't you post a thread wanting to lock him out only a few weeks ago?

Is he in yet?

Also, if you get anxious about him going out at night, then tbh I can see why he went to the takeaway without telling you. He probably thought it was the best way to avoid trouble and then is resenting the fact that you now see it as even worse.