to tell my 6 year old DD she's getting fat?

[HerRoyalVagisty]

...that's it really. She eats all the time, raiding the fridge at every opportunity. She's just had cereal and toast, then helped herself to yogurt and I've just found her in the cupboard helping herself to biscuits. She is always asking for food. She's in the cupboard whenever my back is turned, or the fridge. She asks for food all day long.

I've offered her fruit but she has refused.

She could happily snack all day.

She has always been the right weight for her height but I've noticed she's gaining weight and I need to change her eating habits before it gets out of hand.

I've just been explaining why she can't have anything else to eat just now, and that we have to cut back on treats and eat more healthy foods. She protested and then I said "your teeth will go bad and look! Your tummy is getting fat!"

Have I sown the seeds of a future eating disorder or was what I said relatively harmless?

You didn't say you'd take something off her you said pick something that'll hurt the most and make her do it for a week.
Using this logic if when the op said you'll get a fat tummy, made her cry then she would be able to do it so nbu.

Of course they need punishing. I was merely objecting to the level and malice behind thinking about what punishment. That's not normal.

Loosing screen time for a week would hurt the most with my 3 and would thus work.I only dish out punishments that work.

In my limited MN experience, the worst thing you can mention doing is feeding your offspring junk food. The OP was very brave. I have never read such sanctimonious crap in my whole life.

slow you have completely misread me.

This is what I said...

"Surely you can think of something that would make her instantly burst into tears if you told her she had to do without it for a week?"

Perhaps I could have been clearer though and said.... Surely you can think of something to take away that would make her instantly burst into tears if you told her she had to do without it for a week?

Oops. :( no wonder you're annoyed.

I might go hide.

Ok ok. You're not awful. I am ridiculous. I have a cold maybe the nightnurse is affecting my tiny brain.

Haha no need!

I can totally understand your response now

Jeez I would have responded a whole lot worse than that if I thought that was what someone was saying!

Goodness. Must READ properly.

I thought it didn't sound like something you'd post. God I'm such a knob.
Op you have a moron here who is also unreasonable.

Most of this advice has focussed on food. And yes, you need to be aware of what is available to her etc etc.

But what about moving the focus away from food and making sure that she takes more exercise? It astonishes me sometimes the focus we put on food. Exercise more - as a family - make it a part of your daily life. But always thinking about food being 'good' or 'bad' is never a good thing.

I still don't consider what I keep in my cupboards to be any worse than in any other house! No chocolate ever, no sweets, just some plain biscuits and pom bears, cheese and yogurt in the fridge. I don't think these are particularly evil foods.

Clearly I've got to sort out the raiding-the-cupboard issue. My DD responds well to sticker charts so I'll make more of an effort there.

I've had some very supportive responses here and I thank you for them.

I'll leave the rest of you to argue about my lack of discipline, junk food and shit parenting as I'm done with this thread now. Adios.

OP no-one's called you a shit mother and I for one don't think your cupboards are full of junk.

But the truth is, your cupboard could be stocked full of bananas and other healthy foods but if you can't get a handle on your DD's cupboard raiding, nothing will change.

Good luck

OP - I feel for you.

I have told my 13 year old dd she's overweight and she's very very angry with me.

But she needed to know. I showed the her charts for children's weight and said that she needed to think about her eating habits if she didn't want to grow up to be an adult whose health was affected by her weight (like many of our extended family).

The thing is though, dd only became overweight when she started secondary school and started to have some control over her diet. She started spending her pocket money on fizzy drinks and fried chicken, which she'd eat on the way back from school. She's also a bit miserable at the moment and eats to comfort herself.

Prior to this I wouldn't have let her overeat. I don't have fizzy drinks at home or fruit juice. Also no crisps (unless DH has bought them) or biscuits or worthless snacks. I discourage her from snacking in between meals. This is what you need to be doing.

So no to ANY biscuits,crisps or sweet drinks. Let her have water with ice, fruit, semi skimmed milk. Don't buy sweetened yogurts. Buy plain yogurts and put a bit of fruit puree in them yourself. The sweetened ones tend to be ridiculously high in sugar.

So no to ANY biscuits,crisps or sweet drinks

See this is what I don't agree with.

If you don't ever have these things in the house, how are kids to learn self discipline?

Surely it follows that they'll just go mad and buy them in abundance as soon as they're old enough to spend their own money?

It's just my opinion but I think it's better to have them occasionally and impress the fact upon them that they are just treats and not part of an every day diet.

Please don't call her fat. Encourage her to exercise, eat healthily and be healthy but don't make it a big issue.

Massive overreactions on this thread to having some biscuits in the cupboard!

Op. I think you need to work on teaching her that she must not raid the cupboards. Make sure she has snacks mid afternoon and mid morning or whenever and can help herself to water but apart from that you need to make it against the rules to help herself to food. You need to be firm.

OP will you say sorry to her about the fat comment and tell her you didn't mean it if it is something you regret?

You could lead on from there into a conversation about how you are thinking of her health and care about her and agree what you think should happen in future together.

I think apologising to children is under-rated. I see it as modelling good behaviour for them.

My DS (DC2) who is 14mo was raiding the cereal cupboard this afternoon when he got bored waiting for his tea. I just laughed and thought it was quite resourceful of him. I am clearly a very bad parent who is setting him up for a lifetime of obesity.

My DS (DC2) who is 14mo was raiding the cereal cupboard this afternoon when he got bored waiting for his tea. I just laughed and thought it was quite resourceful of him. I am clearly a very bad parent who is setting him up for a lifetime of obesity

That's not really helpful to dismiss the OP's predicament with a statement like that.

I'm quite sure if your baby was 6yrs old, balancing on chairs and helping himself to enough food to actually make himself fat, you might take it a bit more seriously?

I have a 5yr old as well as the baby

I was actually trying to make her feel a bit less bad and that not everyone is judging her so harshly for the comment. Maybe it didn't come off like that? If so apologies.

My more serious point was about the apology.

I'm sorry, I thought you were dismissing her. I read you wrong

I haven't read the thread as I'm on my phone & it's sooo annoying but I completely disagree with not buying anything slightly unhealthy.

She is 6. You are her mother - u should have total control over what she eats & she should not be helping herself to whatever she wants.

Do not use food as a reward or punishment, encourage healthy eating in stages such as cucumber& carrot sticks with dip, chopped fruit with yoghurt etc.

If u make 'bad' foods a big thing then she will just want them more - make sure she sees all the family enjoying healthy treats.

OP, you're in a tough place and I'll just comment on my own experience. You're obviously trying to do the right thing by your child.

My sister and I were both a bit chubby as kids. My mum is a serial dieter and her mum and grandmother both had disordered eating issues. I grew up hearing loads about my mum's various diets. We had nothing but diet food in the house, weren't allowed sweets etc. Somehow we still gained weight. My mum took us to a child dietician to get on an eating plan - don't remember how well this worked but I clearly remember binge/ comfort eating from the age of 8 (stealing any food at all from the cupboard and bingeing on sweets with friends when out of reach of mum). I was also being bullied at school very badly - totally unrelated to weight as I was average weight - and turned to food at a young age for comfort.

I "evened out" in puberty as I shot up in height, and my mum had put me on a city swimming team which I enjoyed from age 8-14. I'm sure the exercise was a good thing, though it didn't cancel out the chubbiness judging from photos.

My sister and I both have suffered from eating disorders later in life. Mine was a single episode over the period of a few years - my sister's is more sustained and I think she sees being severely underweight and restricting food as the "normal" way to live. My mum constantly praises her.

I've been both a binge eater and anorexic (yes, you can swing to both ends). I'm currently slightly overweight but also pregnant and have basically said "sod it all" to dieting and bad body images. Current focus is on limiting my sweet tooth by eating healthy food for the baby, and thinking about how best to feed my child in the future. I keep my distance from mum's comments.

These issues are complicated and we inherit so much from our mothers it's hard to sort out what is nature and what is nurture.

Since your daughter might be going through a growth spurt, I'd provide as much good protein as possible. Why not provide as snacks/ meals:

-apples with peanut butter
-carrot sticks or sliced peppers with houmous
-boiled eggs
-oatcakes with small slices of cheese
-porridge with chopped nuts and raisins

The healthy eating that's worked best for me over the years has always followed a protein + veg or fruit pattern. Your DD may just need extra protein to stay full.

Good luck OP - you obviously realise that telling your DD she's fat or chubby is not the solution. It's a tough thing.

Wow, OP you have been given a flaming you didn't really deserve.

Using the fat word potentially wasn't ideal, but I don't think saying 'you're tummy is getting fat' will scar her for life!

It doesn't sound like you are buying loads of junk, and I think it is important to have biscuits in the house so your DD can enjoy one after school or whatever and not think of food that are banned.

I think it would help of you:

1. sorted out the taking food without asking
2. offered snacks which were a bit healthier e.g carrot sticks
3. cut out 'wasted calories' for example in drinks. Nothing wrong with water for most drinks.
4. upped her exercise - are there any after school tennis clubs or anything like that you can take her to?

I think it is great you are recognising and addressing the problem.

I was in a leisure centre yesterday, and about 1 in 10 of the children were grossly fat. Not podgy belly before growth spurt, I mean massively, horribly obese for life fat. Very sad to see. I wish their parents were aware of the problems as you.