to tell my 6 year old DD she's getting fat?

[HerRoyalVagisty]

...that's it really. She eats all the time, raiding the fridge at every opportunity. She's just had cereal and toast, then helped herself to yogurt and I've just found her in the cupboard helping herself to biscuits. She is always asking for food. She's in the cupboard whenever my back is turned, or the fridge. She asks for food all day long.

I've offered her fruit but she has refused.

She could happily snack all day.

She has always been the right weight for her height but I've noticed she's gaining weight and I need to change her eating habits before it gets out of hand.

I've just been explaining why she can't have anything else to eat just now, and that we have to cut back on treats and eat more healthy foods. She protested and then I said "your teeth will go bad and look! Your tummy is getting fat!"

Have I sown the seeds of a future eating disorder or was what I said relatively harmless?

What solde said.

FFS. It's not 'abuse'. It was ill thought out and perhaps not the nicest thing to say, but not abuse by any stretch of the all but the most hysterical imagination. The OP said the wrong thing in the attempt to go right by her dd. i genuinely doubt that one ill placed comment eill scar the child for life - continued put downs and coments, yes, one usilated incident, no.

I do get mightily irritated by people who screech "abuse!" at any parenting tactic they disagree with. Get a sense of perspective!

Sorry OP I trashed your post

I think that this provokes a strong reaction because most of us have at some time been subject to some sort of negative feelings about weight. We are all very aware of the damage that any negative comments can have on a child (or on anyone for that matter) cottonwooling? Maybe?

We are now all very aware of the obesity epidemic and the grave risks to health. We want our kids to be healthy but not obsessed.

We are faced with demands and walking the line between alowing a child to have choices and protecting them from themselves. This is tough.

I hope this helps you put this into perspective Royal don't beat youself up.

As for getting involved, christ almightly. I care about my SC and I am supporting her mum with this problem. Her dad (my DH) is a bit disney over it, a bit head in the sand TBH.

I'm not a big health nut or anything like that but this..

"Since when are cereal, bread, yogurt and biscuits considered: "crappy," "shit" "loads of sweets," "rubbish" "fatty snacks" or "junk" ?"

Most cereals are full of sugary crapness. White bread is bad for you. Yoghurts.. im gonna assume fromage frais, they're full of sugar too. And biscuits goes without saying, what child can stick to just one??

If you are worried about your young child gaining too much weight due to overeating these things you stop buying them. You don't tell them their tummy is fat because of eating them. (which is what OP said she did not that the foods will make her fat)
If you want to still eat those things but in moderation you instill some ground rules.

My DC were never allowed to help themselves to food until about 13'ish and even then, I would expect them to ask for anything other than a sandwich or piece of toast. I ddn't want them filling up just before a big meal, I also thought polite to ask.
I never usually had food like cereal bars, crisps, sugary cereals or sugary yoghurts in the house. My DC's preferred a proper 'honest' sweet treat such as a Chocalate bar rather than some pseudo healthier snack. I was happy to let them have a treat a day
I also used to give them a pate of fruit without asking them. In fact I still do it now that they are older teens. I cut up a variety of fruit and plonk it down in front of them. It always gets devoured in seconds. It's always a treat if someone else prepares it for you. They wouldn't ask for it but appriciate it when I do it for them.
I generally didn't give my DCs snacks even when they were very little apart from after things like swimming or if our mealtimes were delayed. Snacking is very habit forming.
My DC's are all fussy eaters (my fault, I am sure ) so I was particularly careful not to let them fill up on snacks.
Anyway, good luck OP. I do think it is best to give these things some thought so you can quietly deal with them. I wouldn't worry in the slightest about the fat tummy comment. If someone analysed everything I said to my DC's I bet you could find hundreds f examples of me saying the wrong thing!

Ps, ignore the mean posters.

My son was getting fat. I didn't call him fat but when he sobbed one night that other boys picked on him because they said he had boobs, I didn't say they were wrong, I said they were mean. I asked him if he was happy, he said he was fat and slow and rubbish at sport.

I told him that we can't do much about the sport, though we could practice if he wanted to and he may get better. (The other kids are BRILLIANT at sport, my son will never be). I told him practice might make him faster, but it doesn't matter if he is slow, he's brilliant at other things.

When it got to the fat part, I said I would help him feel healthy, and that we're both a bit wobbly. We prepare healthy meals together, we discuss what moderation is, we both have treats. I started Slimming World and used the recipes for family meals. I lost 2 stone, he grew 2 inches upwards and is noticeably trimmer.

I would never have called him fat. He KNEW he was. I helped him, supported him and made it easier for him by not keeping biscuits, sweets, cakes, crisps etc etc in the house. (I kept them in the shed, somewhere he couldn't get to!).

You cannot give a small child too much responsibility to gauge their weight and food intake. You can educate, guide, support, deny food even. The responsibility is yours. YABU. Give the poor kid a break. If she loves high calorie food thats what she's going to reach for first... put it out of her reach.

Royal even though I think YABU, that doesn't make you evil! I am often VU... x

someone

It's always a treat if someone else prepares it for you

Well said. If nothing else, this is something we should be teaching kids.

are you winding us up I bet you are she is 6 control what she eats and stop posting on here and wasting peoples time

is she due a growth spurt?
My son eats for England when he's due a bit of growing and all of a sudden he slims out and gets taller.
I think you need to encourage healthy eating though. Food from the fruit bowl is always available in our house

Is there a possibility she is unhappy about something? How does she enjoy school? Most people who start compulsive eating are trying to compensate for something they're missing or trying to numb some sadness. I would have a look at her life as a whole and see if she could find some fulfilment elsewhere.

aldi, it sounds like you did a fantastic job and had a great approach, improving self-confidence at the same time as a practical but non-critical approach.

mini, 14 is a great age to start an eating disorder. And far more likely a 14-yr old is suffering from bullying, depression, low self-esteem and all the other things that drive already hormonal teenagers to start self-destructive behaviour. Even more reason to treat with kid gloves and promote encouragement in place of shaming.

Abusive? Seriously?? Anyone who thinks that is taking things waaaaay too personally. She made one comment. ONE.

Christ you lot are nasty today!!

the op didn't tell her daughter she was fat ok she didn't go right way about it but maybe she should tackle her daughters eating habits. you lot would probably have your judgey pants hoiked up if her dd was fat.

she is not talking about her eating "shit snacks" she is eating things I bet all of you have in your cupboards. No need for the preachy rants and judgement

I honestly don't know how people eat white toast or cereal and can last until lunch, i would get hungry after 5 min.
As others said protein is your friend i.e. a boiled egg mid morning, good quality bread (german style bread is very filing), porridge with fruit/nut, banana with a cracker or yoghurt etc. I would also make sure that she is not bored and she is active.

I don't tell my dcs that certain food will make them fat but i have told them that certain food i.e. white bread and no protein will make them tired and less able to enjoy their day and perfom well which imo its true.

"Christ, a 14 year old 'can take' being called fat now? No wonder we live in a society with so many eating disorders. "

Quite! :(

I've offered her fruit but she has refused.
You need to help your daughter have a healthy attitude to food and exercise perhaps she is bored. Take her out for a long walk/bike ride/jump up an down.

it was a cruel thing to do and you might well have sown the seeds of a future eating disorder.

she is six years old and you, not she, are responsible for what she eats and for her health and fitness.

you have let her down by not ensuring she had appropriate amounts of nutritious food and enough exercise to maintain a healthy weight.

i am astounded you would boast about your behaviour here.

I agree with balloonslayer and poachedeggs. Nowhere does the OP say her DD is eating junk food. I think it's actually quite hard to control children's eating habits - I used to hide biscuits, chocolates etc in a high cupboard, and my DD, aged 3, would carry a chair and stand on it to reach them. It was quite funny, really, but also exhausting trying to stop it. Also, yes, of course you can stop buying those things altogether but I quite like the odd biscuit myself - so shoot me.

Even if you start out with the very best of intentions, you can find them subverted both by the child itself and by other people (such as mothers-in-law who stuff their grandchildren with crisps and chocolate because it's "cruel" to withhold them).

Does DD do any exercise out of school, OP? That might be one way of addressing the problem.

I could have written this about my DD same age too. I'm having exactly the same issue. Whether it be healthy food or not she is what i call a constant "grazer"and asks for food at every opportunity.
My DH and I have started to cut back on her "grazing" by just saying No more often and offering healthier alternatives. I also have a rule that my children can't just help themselves to anything but that has always been the case. I think saying no more often is the key. If she is anything like mine this takes a lot of sticking to your guns . I focus on the health reasons for her eating rather than saying she will get fat. I think once you say no more often then eventually it sinks in and they eat less.

lovebunny
it was a cruel thing to do and you might well have sown the seeds of a future eating disorder.she is six years old and you, not she, are responsible for what she eats and for her health and fitness.you have let her down by not ensuring she had appropriate amounts of nutritious food and enough exercise to maintain a healthy weight. i am astounded you would boast about your behaviour here.

Was this the OP you were meaning? it was one word on one occasion I really don't think it was cruel and will result in an eating disorder.......

If you caught your dd smoking you'd tell her she could get lung cancer. If she's overeating, is it so bad to warn her she'll become obese (equally as likely to kill her)? We have a major problem in this country that issues with weight are the elephant in the room. We 'spoil' children with sugar from a young age. We create this problem as parents. We need to change the culture. Obesity is the 2nd biggest problem for our NHS now, it's crippling services. My dd is 17 and I had no problem telling her from a young age that weight gain was dangerous. NOT telling her could kill her.

I'm a firm believer not avoiding weight issues and I shake my head at the amount of times I read people saying you should never mention a child's weight because it can cause eating disorders.

Obesity IS an eating disorder and one that's sweeping the nation at an alarming rate...so imo it's perfectly acceptable to discuss weight during a sensible conversation about healthy eating and exercise.

However you are being completely unreasonable OP, because you are allowing your DD to help herself to food without asking...therefore you cannot keep track of what she is/isn't eating and how often.

It's up to you to control these things and to see that she gets the right amount of exercise to burn the calories off.

I think we sometimes forget that most kids (given the chance) would move around all day and play in the street/park nearly all the time if we let them.

then you don't know much about eating disorders, do you? and for a six year old, one word from a mum is enough to scar for life.
it wasn't just the word though - it was the message behind it.
what a cruel and irresponsible approach to something which the mother had created herself.

YABVVU to say that to her.

Why do you even have biscuits in the house if you are concerned about her 'getting fat'?

She is six, she will eat what is made available to her, that is your job.

Banning biscuits from a house will do nothing to teach self discipline.

Self discipline is one of the most valuable tools we can arm our children with.