to tell my 6 year old DD she's getting fat?

[HerRoyalVagisty]

...that's it really. She eats all the time, raiding the fridge at every opportunity. She's just had cereal and toast, then helped herself to yogurt and I've just found her in the cupboard helping herself to biscuits. She is always asking for food. She's in the cupboard whenever my back is turned, or the fridge. She asks for food all day long.

I've offered her fruit but she has refused.

She could happily snack all day.

She has always been the right weight for her height but I've noticed she's gaining weight and I need to change her eating habits before it gets out of hand.

I've just been explaining why she can't have anything else to eat just now, and that we have to cut back on treats and eat more healthy foods. She protested and then I said "your teeth will go bad and look! Your tummy is getting fat!"

Have I sown the seeds of a future eating disorder or was what I said relatively harmless?

Yes self discipline is key.

OP has said she has had lifelong issues with food too?

Its so easy to pass those onto our children.

If an adult has a healthy attitude towards eating and self image then the children will too.

I agree with that Amberleaf

On MN in particular there seems to be a huge divide between what adults see as reasonable for themselves to eat/drink and what's reasonable to allow their kids to eat.

There are so many threads where the OP is asking if they're BU to have eaten a whole pack of biscuits/large bar of chocolate/whole pack of cream cakes/their kid's easter eggs etc...

And they'll nearly always be told YANBU and egged on (albeit in a lighthearted way)

But if they're really doing these things, they should expect their kids to feel quite disgruntled at being made to take water and celery sticks to school, while their parents get to treat themselves to the point (sometimes) of pure gluttony.

I don't think it's unreasonable to worry that when the kids are old enough to spend their own money, they'll be buying exactly what their parents are eating in large quantities.

I think we all need to work on our self discipline at times if we are to expect our kids to grow up with any.

I empathise op. my 5 yr old has always been a foodie and towards the top of the bmi calculator for kids ( although she's dropped from obese when she was 3 to overweight). She loves food and seems to lack the natural 'stop' button other kids have, especially with junk. We've spoken with her dr but there is a real lack of advice on how to handle this other than the obvious which we already try to do.

I have told her that eating too much junk is bad for your teeth, makes you feel bad and will make you fat. I've never told her SHE is fat although she's beginning to become aware unfortunately.

Any junk is kept out of reach, we have puddings once or twice a week andjuice/ soft drinks are only occasional treats (sugar in drinks is the worst in causng weight gain as your brain doesnt even register the calories). When I give her dinner, I fill up her plate with veggies and serve small portions overall. I always give her more when she asks but this way I can make sure she's filling up on veggies (she has to finish what's on her plate before she can have more) and she has to actually ask for more rather than just clearing a big plate.

Shell always be a foodie - she talks about food a lot, loves cooking and looks forward to parties because of the junk! But it's important she learn skills to cope in today's world where kids are constantly exposed to food.

How horrid you said that!

You need to create a rule that she has to ask to get food. Put a lock on the fridge if you have to.

One word does not an eating disorder make.The causes of eating disorders are complex.What Pennydead said.

why do you allow her to help herself surely it is not so much about snacks but she is not old enough to be responsible for her food intake in terms of quantity , frequency or balance. you make the rules she sticks to them or suffers the normal consequences for not doing as she is told

to me this is a discipline problem you say no snack she helps herself it is not about food it is about disregarding you / disobedience /not listening
,
regarding above while choc digestive has less calories and sugar, it is still better to eat apple because of fibre, less fat more vitamins

ps all children need some fat, but olive oil, nuts and cheese are better than butter, hydrogenated veg fat etc in cakes/biscuits

Incidentally, an average apple is 50-60 calories.

lovebunny
then you don't know much about eating disorders, do you?

How the hell do you conclude i know nothing about eating disorders from that?Errr, yes actually I do know a lot about eating disorders having had one myself, so I think that makes me fairly qualified to comment.

I don't remember being allowed to help myself to food from the cupboard at that age. In fact, not til I was maybe ten or eleven, and we didn't have unhealthy stuff in the house. YABU, don't let her help herself! And don't use words like fat.

My dcs would constantly eat snacks if i allowed them access to the cupboards. All the snacks are up high and they know they are not allowed to help themselves to the fridge.

MissConstrued, if you have children and want to make snide remarks to them after letting them down, join the o p and go for it. trust me, one comment is enough.

Thank you for all your comments, some helpful others not so.

I think now that whilst I do regret what I said, I don't think I've permanently damaged my DD and I certainly don't think it can be called abuse!!

Just to add, she attends dance classes every week and is a member of the school sports club. We regularly go cycling together so she gets lots of exercise.

It's amusing that most of you think she has free use of the cupboards and fridge. She doesn't! She will help herself to a chair and climb to to top shelf to get food when Im busy doing something else. I tell get off of course but she often does it anyway.

Tell her off

My sister was told the same thing at 7 and went on to become an anorexic. Shame on you-this is emotional abuse.

No it IS abuse and shame on you for saying it. If you have any doubts what you have said is harmful, why don't you phone NSPCC and ask them their advice.
Your POOR daughter-I really feel for her.

Im afraid I disagree Mrsrosie, having given it some thought.

I agree that one comment does not amount to abuse, as long as it is only a one off. ( My poor dn aged 4 gets constant comments on her size and has at times refused sweets, biscuits, cakes for months on end, and then other times I see her walking round her house with bowls of crisps in her hand. I hope she turns out OK).

Please don't do that. I was called fat as a child and it really was ingrained into my mind and has effected the way i look at my body into adulthood.

Could you purhaps hide sweets and biscuits? Or get her to ask for things?

My dd is 6 and she doesn't help herself to food and she will come and ask if she wants a yogurt or something and i will decide whether it's a good time (too near luch/dinner) and say yes or no.

I think the fact your 6 year old is helping herself to biscuits means you need to look at the way you are parenting her in the respect of why has she been allowed to do this in the first place?

"It's amusing that most of you think she has free use of the cupboards and fridge. She doesn't! She will help herself to a chair and climb to to top shelf to get food when Im busy doing something else. I tell get off of course but she often does it anyway."

I just read that bit. Look, you are the parent and she is the child which means as the child she shouldn't be controlling you. If you let her do this at 6 then what will she be like at 16?

If she gets a chair and goes to the cupboard without asking - use consequences. She has a choice - she either chooses to not climb on the chair to get the biscuits or she choices to accept the consequence.

My dc have known about choice and consequences since they were two. If your dd doesn't have any she will rule you and it will only get worse. Look up some techniques on choice and consequence as it sounds like it will really help you and your dd.

Sorry Mrsrosie you sound unhinged.

Its not just the saying it though, its the mindset behind it.

Maybe she is eating too much bad stuff? maybe she is about to go through a bit of a growth spurt? The first is something you can do something about without her really having to know about it, the second requires no action.

Remarking on her changing body is what will set her up with a problem, arent young girls under enough pressure as it is without having it at home too?

I wonder if you would have said it to a son?

Fat and diet words are banned in this house. It's your fault OP for buying shit food in the first place. And if she sees you eating it she will just think why can't I eat it too?
Ditch the junk. Dead simple. No snacks between meals. Water or semi skimmed milk to drink. No mcdo. No sweets biscuits crisps chips fried food.
Calling a six year old fat? You are sick.
And I've had an eating disorder so can speak from experience.

Get a fucking grip mrsrosie, and stop being a twat. Calling the OP a shit mother over ONE misguided comment when she is trying to help her child is beyond the pale. It's NOT ABUSE. FFS!!

YABU using the word fat in ref to your 6 yr old but i think you do need to explain why she can't eat all the time.

DN is like this just asked for food all the time i've never said she will get fat but have explained if you over eat you can become over weight which is not good for your health, you must have a healthy diet to keep a healthy body. could you maybe try that instead of using her as the example and using better words than fat?