to tell my 6 year old DD she's getting fat?

[HerRoyalVagisty]

...that's it really. She eats all the time, raiding the fridge at every opportunity. She's just had cereal and toast, then helped herself to yogurt and I've just found her in the cupboard helping herself to biscuits. She is always asking for food. She's in the cupboard whenever my back is turned, or the fridge. She asks for food all day long.

I've offered her fruit but she has refused.

She could happily snack all day.

She has always been the right weight for her height but I've noticed she's gaining weight and I need to change her eating habits before it gets out of hand.

I've just been explaining why she can't have anything else to eat just now, and that we have to cut back on treats and eat more healthy foods. She protested and then I said "your teeth will go bad and look! Your tummy is getting fat!"

Have I sown the seeds of a future eating disorder or was what I said relatively harmless?

She is not getting fat you are clearly feeding she to much and poor quailty

You are the mother is you dont buy it she cant eat it

I cook fresh everyday and only buy what we are having for dinner and lunch

If yu child is fat at six the promblem lies with you

An apple is much more filling than a biscuit, which is why some people will eat loads if biscuits in one sitting, but not many do the same with apples.

Saying something was U. Noticing that there is possibly a problem isnt wrong.

Many years ago we noticed that DD1 was carrying a lot of weight. We were in total charge of what she ate. What we did was first make a food diary to look at what she was having to find out if there was one problem or many.

We calorie counted every thing she ate.

We found out what was the problem (in our DD's case soft drinks). We addressed the problem.

8 years later DD1 is a slim and attractive size 10.

Dont delude yourself that homemade is better, homemade flapjacks, cakes and biscuits are just as much a calorie bomb (and therefore fattening) as shop bought.

I think YABU to so obviously highlight her tummy getting bigger. My family did this to me when i was younger and i struggled with anorexia and bulimia for years.

However, you are right to try and make her aware of what is healthy and not to over indulge. I explain to my DD that if she eats to much sweets etc. she will get a bigger tummy, risk losing her teeth etc. i would not however directly criticize her weight.

Can you increase her exercise?

Christ, a 14 year old 'can take' being called fat now? No wonder we live in a society with so many eating disorders.

My 'D'MIL thinks it's fine to call my DH 'podgy' at age 39. He is not and he can run 10K in well under 45 mins, so I don't think his health is in any danger, (he has to be fit for his job) but she is looks/weight/eating obsessed. It still upsets him even at his age, fuck knows why, she has her own issues....

As for cereal, yoghurts, biscuits etc not being 'junk', most cereals and yoghurts are crammed absolutely full of sugar.

But if you really want a biscuit, an apple just won't cut it.

I agree, don't ban foods (although maybe swap cheese strings with decent cheese). Allow one 'treat' a day, after dinner.

Be careful about portion sizes. You may think it's good for her to fill up on a big plate of pasta in an attempt to stop her snacking, but that can be very fattening.

Make sure she drinks plenty of water and isn't identifying thirst as hunger.

I don't see a problem with "you'll rot your teeth", my parents used that one a lot and I don't think it leads to issues.

But I agree with others on "your tummy is getting fat". Not good. But you know this.

Firstly - she shouldn't be able to reach the biscuits. That's what high shelves are for.

My DD has an insatiable appetite, I use the tool my mum did and my granny before me - and tell her if she's that hungry, she can have bread and butter. That way, you're not denying food, but you're not offering something which is a treat if you see what I mean.

My DP had an eating disorder when he was a teenager. This is how these things start. You have done a very very bad thing to your DD.

You need to change eating habits, not give her body hangups. I am actually quite angry at what you've said. It is so bloody dangerous and damaging to say these things to young children.

Allow her free access to fruit and a 'treat' a day. She can learn to choose when she wants to eat the snack, you will find this will regulate itself.

And don't ever say she's getting fat again.

If she's always hungry are her meals not filling her up, or is she snacking through boredom? Porridge is more filling than rice krispies etc, wholemeal or 50/50 bread is more filling than white, some protein with breakfast and lunch will help.

Also, is she active? Most kids I know do have snack food, but as they are always running round outside playing, they're not overweight.

Cereal and toast is an overload of carbs with no protein. Adding protein to that meal will fill her for longer. So maybe a boiled egg with the toast or some cheese or peanut butter.

Picking at biscuits may just be boredom?

Bloody hell, anyone who can claim the OP was being 'abusive' lives in fluffy cloud dreamland with no idea if the horrible things parents can really do to their kids. Tying their hands behind their backs and whipping the palms with belt buckles for nose picking is abusive, telling a child they're getting a bit pudgy is ill advised, but not abuse. Get a fucking grip!

OP, I understand your worry and concern, I have had lifelong food issues and my mum was a yoyo dieter. My dd s getting a but if a tummy and I want to break the cycle without giving her hang ups. It's really hard and I think you're getting a flaying.

It's true that at the age your DD is, you do have some control over what she eats but I'd beware of making a big thing of her size, shape or appetite.
Kids come in different shapes and sizes, just as grown ups do. Some are small and skinny, some are larger and curvier, even when young.
If your daughter is genetically disposed to being larger, chances are that she will be big no matter how healthily she eats.
By all means, set out to to educate her about how to eat healthily but do not make chocolate and sweets forbidden, that will only make them more attractive. Have them around the house but teach her that she will feel better if she's not filling up on them all the time.
Instead talk to her about how to recognise when she's actually hungry and how to stop when she's full, and what to do when she wants to eat but isn't hungry. See if she can recognise what she's hungry for. This is an important lesson that most of us never learn.
Talk to her about exercise and how important it is for everyone but most importantly, make sure she knows she's beautiful no matter what size she is.

When DD was about 6 she used to steal the tiny weeny amount of rubbish food we had - mainly the excess of sweets from parties put away to be dispensed slowly. These were very high up she would use chairs etc to climb. We made it very clear that taking without asking was STEALING and we enforced very tough penalties for it. There was always a huge bowl of fruit to choose from that was free and available at any time.
Unfortunately for me ExH has now left for OW who tries to curry favour by giving DD obscene levels of sweets!

She can't be constantly snacking on School days as she's in lessons. At weekends, why not try making breakfasts more of an event so that she can try new things and not just mindlessly stuff down the same old cereal without really thinking about it?

Choose together, cook together and eat together. It'll help to teach her how to care for herself without having to guilt trip her into giving up the biscuits.

Maybe try breakfast omelets, bacon and eggs, scrambled eggs on bagels, porrige or ready brek, even bacon sandwiches. Adding protein will help fill her for longer, you'll be teaching her how to cook and making an event out of breakfast will mean she's thinking about what she's eating. I'm sure I've seen reports that say eating in front of the TV will make you take on more calories as you're not engaged with the meal in front of you, I'm sure another day of cereal and toast could have a similar effect as it becomes something you do automatically without thinking about.

I know you know this but please don't tell her she's fat again, it won't help anyone.

Oh and my 5.5 year old DS is constantly eating at the moment too - saving up for a grow as my Mum used to say when we were small :) - so I do understand the constant requests for snacks. My DC's have to ask though and aren't allowed to help themselves from the cupboards which I think helps.

Bloody hell, anyone who can claim the OP was being 'abusive' lives in fluffy cloud dreamland with no idea if the horrible things parents can really do to their kids. Tying their hands behind their backs and whipping the palms with belt buckles for nose picking is abusive, telling a child they're getting a bit pudgy is ill advised, but not abuse. Get a fucking grip!

So its ok to say things that will potentially damage you child for life, are nasty and abusive because some children are being abused to a worse degree?
That's a lovley thought 'its not abuse because its not as bad as.....'
Do people really take this view to abuse?

Well said, BalloonSlayer, very much needed.

telling her her tummy was getting fat once while not the best idea is not going to scar her for life.

COncentrate on health and fitness rather than weight. If you sign up for the change4life (or whatever it is called now) website then they will send her a free wallchart and stickers to record her 5 a day. Turn it into a competition if necessary with other siblings or you.

I break foods down into 'sometimes foods' and 'everyday foods'. Biscuits would be a sometimes food which means we can eat them occasionally but not everyday.

Fruit, veg, lean proteins etc are also superhero foods, or fruit can be sports candy a la sportacus. You can make them run, then eat some, then run again and tell them how much faster they went. Good foods will make you healthy and strong etc etc. If you like make wall charts and see if she can put foods into the right category.

I would say if she is snacking all the time then don't let her help herself. She needs to be asking an adult who can then decide if and what is appropriate.

Also exercise - take her out, maybe take up a new family activity. Build it in as a regular part of your lives.

I seem to remember my dd going though a phase like this. I felt it was part habit/part boredom. She was always asking for snacks and saying she was hungry.
I had a fairly "low key" chat with her about feeling genuinely hungry or just fancying a snack. I always offered her a drink first as hunger can be mistaken for thirst. Does she drink much water?
I alllowed her to have some nice snacks but 3/4 of the time I offered her "boring" snacks which she refused. She did eventually break the habit but I do accept it could've stopped naturally without my intervention.

Think you need to remember you are the adult here IMO a 6 yr old shouldn't be helping themselves to food. They should ak. What exercise does she do? Maybe the real issue is boredom and not enough to do?

I meant thirst can be mistaken for hunger obviously!

Poor op.There are some awful comments on here.Abusive!

Op I think you're being responsible and you are fully justified in worrying. Obesity is rocketing in children with many parents just sticking their head in the sand.Sadly parents who don't want to stick their head in the sand aren't given advice as to how to handle this issue which isn't your fault.

Personally I don't see the problem in snacking. Some kids need it,mine certainly do and as somebody with low blood pressure issues and who has fainted with low blood sugar I get a little with this one size fits all approach.Kids bodies differ massively.Snacks differ.

Only you know your child,her growth spurts and how big she actually is.I'd get some advice from your gp(without her being there) on getting her weight assessed.If there is a problem then you need to teach her that following a healthy diet and getting exercise is important to her long term health.This is probably what you've already said but more diplomatically.

Personally I don't buy this myth that kids need sugary snacks filled with crap,empty calories and fat.I don't buy crisps,sweets or crap to keep in the house.I take my kids to the sweet shop once or twice a fortnight.They know they'll get black teeth and will feel crap and jittery if they have sweets more.I think far too many kids eat far too many crisps,they don't need them every day so mine have 1 packet of msg free crisps in their packed lunch once a week.Crisps don't fill kids up.Avoid those dried fruit snacks they're often little more than sweets.

I make flap jack,banana bread,courgette cake(ie treats that are filling so they eat less)which they have a small piece of in their lunch box daily.When they get in from school they might have a small portion of cheese and w/m crackers/fruit.I try to make tea earlier to avoid hunger and thus snacking.I tell mine if they've had a reasonable snack and they want more to fill up on fruit/veg(if they're hungry they will)or finish their packed lunch.I try to avoid sugar(doesn't always happen by any means).They think sugar is as addictive as cocaine now.Ie if you give sugary snacks they'll want more not because they're hungry.

Yes fruit contains sugar but it has more fibre,is more filling and often contains less sugar than biscuits,cake,choc.If I buy biscuits I'll get 1 pack of choc digestives between all of us to last a week.Watch sugary cereal and get whole grain cereal that fills up more.Wholemeal bread fills them up more too.Try to go more for veg than fruit.Also try to train her into eating decent size meals.I'm ruthless if mine haven't eaten their lunch/tea later I don't allow them to fill up on snacks later-they can have a banana or milk-or go hungry.Stick to your guns.

Watch your dd's portion sizes and keeps chips to a once a week thing.Kids don't need puddings after a filling tea.

No idea if this helps but your Gp would put you in touch with somebody more knowledgable. Ignore some of the ridiculous comments on here and well done you for trying to do the best for your dd.

Poor OP :(

It probably wasn't a great thing to say but you know that. At the end of the day more people get ill and die early because of excessive and unhealthy eating than due to anorexia and bulimia.

I'm overweight and a comfort eater. When I was young treat food was very rare and = rewards or celebrations. As soon as I was old enough to exert any control over my eating I got fat. I spent lunch money on chocolate and then left home to become a binge eater as a student. That particularly damaging habit is still something I battle with now.

I don't know what the answer is. I try to allow my own DC freer access to 'exciting' things than I had while trying to lay down good foundations (porridge for breakfast, big portions of veg and small portions of carbs, talking about the health benefits of various foods, encouraging them to think about whether they feel hungry etc). But they're still obsessed with treat food and I'm trying to 'be cool' with this while silently screaming inside.

It is really, really hard to exert control without making 'junk' even more desirable. I don't know the answer.

for heavens sakes there are some bloody harsh posters on here... surely it is better that the childs mother tries to do something before the child does get fat and has her peers calling her names!

There is nothing wrong in saying "if you eat all this stuff you will get fat", because it is actually true. It isnt a lie.

However, no child should be allowed free reign to help themselves to food either, and that is the thing that needs to be addressed.

Exactly Squeaky and actually if people want to use the word abusive maybe they should save it for people who sit back and do nothing when their children get overweight and obese.