to tell my 6 year old DD she's getting fat?

[HerRoyalVagisty]

...that's it really. She eats all the time, raiding the fridge at every opportunity. She's just had cereal and toast, then helped herself to yogurt and I've just found her in the cupboard helping herself to biscuits. She is always asking for food. She's in the cupboard whenever my back is turned, or the fridge. She asks for food all day long.

I've offered her fruit but she has refused.

She could happily snack all day.

She has always been the right weight for her height but I've noticed she's gaining weight and I need to change her eating habits before it gets out of hand.

I've just been explaining why she can't have anything else to eat just now, and that we have to cut back on treats and eat more healthy foods. She protested and then I said "your teeth will go bad and look! Your tummy is getting fat!"

Have I sown the seeds of a future eating disorder or was what I said relatively harmless?

That should be now not not. I am 35

YABVU.

You are responsible for what she eats and how much.

My 6 year-old also says she is hungry all the time. She would easily munch from morning to night if I let her, but I don't. She also doesn't take things from cupboards/fridge without asking.

I think you should make clear that she should not help herself to food. My DC wouldn't dream of eating anything without asking first. They also accept that they can always eat fruit but won't necessarily be allowed biscuits etc. I wish someone would control my eating in the same way!

You are her mother, you (or her father) are in control of the food you buy, and the food you feed her. If she is putting on weight, it is your responsibility, not hers, she is 6 ffs!
YABVU to tell her she is getting fat.
Take control and feed her a healthy diet and take her out for plenty of exercise, but for goodness sake don't tell her she's fat

(I was told I was fat as a child, by my mother and sister, and expected to take control of my overeating. I've spent the majority of my life a size 20.)

Hi

I am going through EXACTLY the same with my 14 YO DSD. She is a size 16/18 and increasing (what feels like daily) and feeds her face all day,we have secret eating too- I am sure she spends most of her pocket money on cr*p.

I have tried to suggest the "healthy option" when we are out..but no, its the chesse melt/pizza/battered sausage/lasagne/cream laden pasta with chips and then a pudding...always!

I have tried the healthy eating route and never mentioned the F or Diet words. Like you, I just feel like saying "you are fat, you need to lose weight".

I think at your DDs age though YOU are a more in control. You can limit the treats and put them out of her grasp at home. I would try and make fruit more interesting and do the whole thing as a family. Also (sounds like a diet bore) but some "healthy" things contain masses of sugar - just take a look at the packaging.

Get her out more and try and do some fun stuff outside, or even inside - Wiifit or just dance?

I would not, though, tell her she is getting fat. I would try and stick to the healthy eating thing. Try making ice lollies with sugarfree squash and popping fruit in.. Small calories for max enjoyment.

Plus, IME 6 year olds need an incredibly enormous amount of food. As Ginger said, they eat and eat, get podgy then you try to put their trousers on one morning and they're all too short! Suddenly they're stringy again and don't eat so much. That's the way it works, it's called growing.

I know, I know it was utterly shit of me. I have massive body issues myself (brought on by my own mother) and as soon as I said it I realised the circle is in danger of continuing.

In my defense I didn't call her fat, I said she was getting fat. Not much in in but still not quite the same meaning.

I don't have much junk food in the house. I have cereal bars, homemade cookies and pom bears (natch) and the fridge has cheese strings and yogurts. I guess I'll stop buying them.

I read that as porn bears

its hard to remove snacks totally when the other kids (three teens) are perfectly sensible eaters and have the odd snack in our house, though.

Firstly taxiforme your post made me really uncomfortable. Do you have custody of your dad? Where are her parents in this? Why are you getting so involved in her weight?
OP there is not difference in 'you are getting fat' and 'you are fat'. None at all

If she didn't want fruit, then she's bit really hungry. Would she normally eat fruit? I wouldn't let her help herself to food, I wouldn't talk about fat, just say it's ok to have some treats but too many aren't good or our health.

Not really hungry.

I am always amazed that parents let kids help themselves to snacks.

My 7 year old always asks first, even with fruit, as often I will say no, as it is close to dinner time and donot want them to eat snacks an hour before dinner.

They can eat as much as the like, but I do not want them helping themselves to an endless stream of snacks.

The comments on here are UNBELIEVABLE!

The OP asked, obviously worried, whether she had "sown the seeds of a future eating disorder" and instead of people saying "Well, yes actually you could have done, I wouldn't say that again . . . " she's been flayed alive. She makes it completely clear she thinks she has said the wrong thing, give her a break will you?

She says her DD has had toast and cereal, then has taken a yogurt and is now looking for biscuits. The following comments are then posted:

bin the crappy snacks

Stop buying the shit you're filling your cupboards and fridge with

don't buy rubbish and she won't eat it.

You buy junk, let her gorge on it

Don't buy the fatty snacks

it fucks me off royally when parents buy loads of sweets and biscuits and then complain that their children eat them.

Since when are cereal, bread, yogurt and biscuits considered: "crappy," "shit" "loads of sweets," "rubbish" "fatty snacks" or "junk" ?

Obviously biscuits are the least healthy, but most people have them available for snacks, especially when they have small children. It is perfectly normal. Are you posters seriously suggesting that the OP should not have biscuits in the house?

What about her other DCs?

She is not LETTING her DD eat so much, her DD is taking it. Yes it is not a good idea to tell her she is getting fat, but the OP is seeking help to address a problem and does not deserve an utter flaming for daring to have in her kitchen something that 99.9% of people have in theirs.

This thread is a real "pecking party;" the OP clearly feels bad about something she said and so many posters sense this and leap on to peck her to death.

Break the snacking habit. If your dd is not used to feeling hungry then she will snack. Ds is 7 and has to wait for meals. He then eats well.

The thing is at 6 any weight problem she has is basically your fault and transferring those feelings of 'you are greedy' is not good.

My dc can get podgy sometimes, I feel very ashamed of myself and change things which is how is should be.

I'm not trying to attack I know what its like to have a 'grazer' and how hard it is to stop these tendencies.

I would be going for an overall health angle, my ds could eat all day but I have explained to him that isn't a healthy way to eat, particularly for his teeth.

We make sure meals are satisfying and they have one snack a day either mid morning or mid afternoon depending on when meals fit into the day and other snacks are only for occasional treats.

Oh wow, you said your DD was getting fat? Sorry to be harsh, but that's abusive - it matters not whether you said she was getting fat or she is fat, it is the use of the word and its long lasting implications.

YOU are the adult, YOU buy the food and YOU have chosen to have the unhealthy shit snacks in her reach. Remove the unhealthy snacks, either out of the house or out of her reach, and replace it with the fruit bowl. Increase her physical activity too - play football in the garden, run around playing tag or go swimming. Remember, though, kids go through growth spurts; where it looks like they're a little more solid in proportions, then all of a sudden they shoot up by a couple of inches and they're back to being rakes.

If you are worried, take her to the GP, but please never use the word fat in front of her again. I have a 5yo DD and this thread really upset me.

I think taxiforme is allowed to be concerned for her DSD whether she lives with her or not and frankly at 14 I think she can stand the strain of being told she's fat and frankly size 16-18 in anyone's book is fat. If she was able to get a grip on it now she'd probably be healthy and slim by 16.

I don't agree with scaring 6 year olds re their weight. It a 14 year old can take it and should be told for their future health.

I don't think YABU!

If her tummy is getting fat then that is a good reason for her not to eat herself silly and if you don't point it out the kids at school soon will!

But why do you allow her to help herself? My 7 year old dd has to ask before she has a snack and will be told no if I think she has had enough already.

There would be a lot less obesity in my opinion if people could face the fact that they are getting fat. I have a friend who complains that her dd is conscious of her weight at 11, and dismisses it as puppy fat, despite the fact that her and her DP are obese. So rather than saying "yes, you are overweight lets tackle it now", she rants on facebook about how magazines and kids at school are making her dd have an issue, and then they all tuck into another take away.

Why does she help herself? None of my children help themselves to food, they always ask me first.

You are the parent, it's you who should be in charge of what she eats.

Stop buying junk so she has the option of fruit or nothing. And get her to run around more.

I have to agree with BalloonSlayer here. Also, fruit? Not the perfect snack you all seem to think it is. It is highish in calories and natural sugar. Not very good for the teeth, for one thing.

What the OP needs to do is get her daughter to ask if she's allowed something to eat. And if she's not, the OP needs to follow through with that and not give her anything.

Biscuits etc are not inherently bad. No food is. Everything in moderation is better than gorging once a week or what have you.

As adult you need to take control and just tell her no . No you cant have a biscuit or cake or anything else to eat

She is 6 telling her she fat is cruel I have a 9 year old that was showing worrying signs of eating problems as they had it drummed into them fat was bad ( school healthy eating issues )
Only help from Dr explaing why not all fat is bad has helped but go ahead if you want to make her paranoid about weight

Apple:
Calories: 116
Fat: 0
carb: 31
fibre: 5
sugar: 23

McVitties Choc digestive
Calories: 86
fat: 4.1
carbs: 11.2
fibre: 0.4
sugar: 10.8

Suddenly banning all biscuits from the house just after telling her she's getting fact coud do more harm than good, imo. There is nothing wrong with her having the odd biscuit. I don't think banning certain foods is the way to go, what about cheese? Fine in small amounts, but you wouldn't want her going to the fridge and eating a whole block of it. Everything in moderation. Would she snack on carrot sticks?