Upadate thread, outed IRL.

[catfourfeet]

Hi all,

name changed as my_sis has "found" me on mumsnet.

Prety easy to work out though

Back story

Dh sever amnesia, mood swings, lack of empathy 2 years+

He never and I mean NEVER initiates talks about his illness, treatment, therapy etc with anyone, not me, not friends, not members of my family appart from , strangely enough, my_sis.

My dh has, under the "guidance" of mysis _

going to several medical appointments

given my_sis, K, access to his medical notes

attended a mediation meeting with my_sis to help me and DH "as a couple"

organised a second opinion for DH

At Dh's request their conversations are "private and confidential" and he didnt want me to know about all the appointments etc.

Left my young ds ( 7 and 9) unsupervised in mysis car / playing in a car park for an hour whilst she and dh went to an appointment and then mysis lied about how long the ds were alone.

Put dh on a train , on his own , in the middle of the night to go up to stay with my evil sil. He had no idea where to get off or why he was on the train.

Arranged for DH to have his own car. whilst using this car he got lost on the M-way for 9 hours and had to be brought home by the police.

I found out about all this by chance, by luck,by trawling through my DH's phone, i was NEVER told directly my my_sis

Dh has been at hissis for the last 7 weeks._

I have no direct means of contact, I can only leave messages on dh_sis voice mail.

Dh's mobile number has been changed.

I have called day after day after day and get no response.

Dh has not spoken to the dcs in 3 weeks.

Mysis is in contant contact with dhsis and dh.

no one in Dh's family will speak to me.

All his benefits have been tranferred from the family a/c.

He has frozen our all our bank a/c.

my AIBU is

My_sis does not feel that she has done anythign wrong AT ALL and actually thinks that she is "only trying to help".

I am made to feel as though I am the one in the wrong, I am the "evil" one.

Sooooooo, oh wise and wonderful ladies, play devils advocat, show me her side, make me realise that I AM being unreasonable

I can't. How odd and awful for you. I think I remember your previous threads. I'm sorry

Sorry, I don't understand. And surely your sister will recognise who you are despite the name change?

my neighbour,

She might but only if shes REALLY looking, if she is then good luck to her.

I remember you

You are still trying to hang onto a relationship with a) your husband and/or b) your sister

why?

I remember your threads from before YANBU she is taking advantage of your DH's mental health issues and generally carrying on in her manipulative manner.

Something is very very wrong about this situation.

anyfucker

TBh the relationship with my_sis is irretriavable (sp) jsut wondered isf I am "mising something"

With DH, "he" is as much caught up in all this as I am, caught between evil mysis and evil hissis

i remember your threads

how are you doing?

This story is too com

Plex for us! I remember it all and it's complicated

the unsinable

Pretty crap TBH,

Keep thinking of some "grand" jesture to "show them" just how bad they have made me feel.

Ive cut all my hair off for one ( havent had it actually CUt for 20 years)

Your DH is being used/taken advantage of. Which benefits were on his name? They may have acted illegally by forcing him into changing the claim

blackberry

Trying not to drip feed , basically mysis and hissis have been ( in my opinion) HUGELY interferring, but am I missing the4ir side ??

Yanbu. Can you go up and visit? Is it worth getting legal advice?

Have you spoken to a solicitor and social services? If you believe that he is being manipulated (and maybe stolen from) due to his MH then they can step in. You can apply for power of attorney.

You need professional help with this.

and no YANBU. Your sis and his sis however, need flaying alive

twooter,

getting legal advice , appointment made, just waiting, I ve tried SS, police, social workers etc , no one can help. Hes an adult.

I tried power of atorney but it wont work ( for various reasons)

I remember you as well. Do you have power of attorney? You need to protect yourself financially first off - you can't just have all the bank accounts etc frozen on you. There are children and he has responsibilities. You need legal advice.

Forget your sister. Do not enagage AT ALL. She doesn't even slightly matter in the scheme of things.

You need to protect yourself and your children, either by having your husband declared incapable and taking control of the finances yourself, or by starting proceedings to split the finances legally. That has to be your priority. Who is right or wrong is utterly unimportant, what is important is making sure you and your children are taken care of.

Xpost, sorry

POA woudl onyl work in my favour if he is considered with out mental capacity and I can only GET POA if he HAS mental capacity, catch 22

But he is a vulnerable adult, that is totally different. If they wont help then they are failing in their duty.

Push the fact that he is mentally ill and that the people who are "caring" for him have been proven to do things that are incredibly dangerous.

X-post. If you can't get power of attorney, you need to seperate legally and get the finances sorted out.

Are social services not involved from the abuse of a vulnerable adult side of things?

Bank a/c didnt have much in TBH, Ive transferred all MY beneits ( TC,WTC CB) to a new a/c just in my name.

Oh god yes. I remember your old thread.

You have my sympathies.

No real advice except to suggest you repost in MN Legal section asap.

Good luck with everything.

Your sister is bonkers and toxic, probably his family are too
Your husband is ill, this isn't his fault, but you can't care for him if he won't let you
No grand gesture will stop your sister being toxic and weird. Time to look after yourself and your kids for a change. Husband wants to stay with family and they want to look after him - let them. Have a break, chill out, have fun with the kids. Minimise it for their sakes, don't frighten them with crazy stunts like cutting all your hair off. Stop being a (said with love) martyr to the husband's health and the sister's toxicity. Detach.

I have asked and Asked for help down the vunerable adutl route and No one will step in NO ONE.

I remember you, sorry it's got even worse. I understand you want to fight for your DH but don't do this at the expense of your own equilibrium or your DCs' welfare.

You've always been adamant there is no affair. OK. But clearly your sister is determined to 'rescue' your DH and be the central figure in his life. No doubt with his conditions she can have full control over him, which seems to be her thing.

Sadly I think it may be time to let her have her way. You can't save him from himself, after all.