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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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to think that there is NEVER an acceptable reason to call a 32 year old woman a "young girl?"

793 replies

Hullygully · 20/09/2012 18:13

No I'm not.

I couldn't care less what emotive flannel is flung about.

IT. IS.NOT.ACCEPTABLE.

The end.

OP posts:
nickeldaisical · 22/09/2012 13:34

Hire a Hubby?! Shock

i'd lamp him just for the word Hubby, never mind the fact that obviously women are incapable of doing anything.

(i wonder if they would hire men out to cook me dinner or clean the house?)

nickeldaisical · 22/09/2012 13:37

I don't mind being called a girl - i actually encourage it (36), but "young" is what I'd object to.

young girl says "under 16" to me.

"girl" says "woman of any age really"

but yes, I can see that some women/ladies don't want to be called girls, and I respect that.

Pagwatch · 22/09/2012 13:41

I think you can hire men to clean your house and do supper naked at reasonable cost excluding extras.
Hths

seeker · 22/09/2012 13:41

Hmm. Not sure i'm happy with being lumped in with Sallyingforth. But maybe I'm kidding myself.

nickeldaisical · 22/09/2012 13:42

seeker - you're nothing if not known for your forthright opinions Grin
(it's a good thing though)

Pagwatch · 22/09/2012 13:43

Suck it up Seeker.
It's all in a good cause.

Grin

My muffins are ready and ds2 is doing Hmm face.

nickeldaisical · 22/09/2012 13:44

may i have one please?
Grin

thank you :)

limitedperiodonly · 22/09/2012 13:48

I've just had a Sainsbury's maple pecan Danish and now my head feels like it's going to explode.

I can't really cope with sugar. I think I should stick to crisps and gin.

Blistory · 22/09/2012 17:48

Hmm, debated long and hard whether to answer that Sally - particularly given that you don't want to stick around to hear my response.

I guess, to me, the idea of referring to any woman past their teens as a young girl annoys me because I think it shows a general lack of respect to women. The society we live in (UK for me) values youth higher than age which seems backward to me. And what rankles is the fact that again the negative appears to apply mostly to women. Older men have wisdom, they're listened to, their opinions are valued. Look at the threads on here about toxic mothers and mothers in law. Their experiences are dismissed, their opinions trivialised, their views regarded as old fashioned and irrelevant. And of course you'll be able to point to examples where that doesn't happen but in general, it does.

In the context of that, of course some women prize being referred to as young girls with all the connotations of youth and beauty that go with it. Still doesn't mean it's right.

And at the risk of sounding like a stuck record, just because one woman might be flattered doesn't mean its acceptable for women on the whole. Should I refrain from referring to social conditioning at this point ?

I don't see why it angers you that these views are held. If someone could explain why a grown woman being referred to as a young girl is a positive statement then I'd be happen to listen . Who knows, I might even be persuaded. But please not in the context of those police officers as their opinions can now sadly never be heard.

GothAnneGeddes · 22/09/2012 18:48

Very well put Blistory. Ageism on Mumsnet (and wider society) is a real problem and it definitely impacts women more.

P.S if you don't mind me asking, have you namechanged? I don't recognise your nn, but I'm sure I've read your posts before. Sorry if that's a nosy question.

Hullygully · 22/09/2012 18:54

(me too)

OP posts:
Blistory · 22/09/2012 19:12

No worries. Posted for a while as glasgowwean. Got sucked into FWR mess a while back for spouting libfem views. Don't post much but inequality for women tends to catch my eye as does The Doghouse.

TheBigJessie · 22/09/2012 23:10

...

TheBigJessie · 22/09/2012 23:12

Tell me MN has an ignore button, please.

SuePurblybilt · 22/09/2012 23:16

I do like it when people post 'This is why you're wrong and I'm right. But there's no point in carrying on now so I'm off'. It strikes me as an excellent strategy.

GeraldineAubergine · 22/09/2012 23:18

My manager referred to me as 'her girl' when reprimanding a proffesional for making a sexual inneuendo the other day, claiming he had 'upset my girl and put her off her work. I am 29. She sometimes calls me 'stupid' or 'stupid girl' too if she is feeling kind. It's like working in the 20's. she also told me not to answer her back for saying I have a name. She's only 38 ish herself.

TheBigJessie · 23/09/2012 01:13

Above post ^ has come out exceedingly passive aggressive.

Sorry, if this is x-posting. I'm deliberately postponing reading on. I'm making myself f- off MN and f-off some more when I get there until I can explain my feeling clearly and unaccusingly in the morning. But as I was calming down, I started realising how it sounded. Ashamed of that. Am proud of f-ing off though! It's mature of me!

limitedperiodonly · 23/09/2012 08:06

YY to blistory and suepurblybilt. I couldn't see the point of replying to sallyingforth after what she said but I'm glad someone else has.

I imagine you're not reading any of this though sallying

SigmundFraude · 23/09/2012 10:20

'just because one woman might be flattered doesn't mean its acceptable for women on the whole.'

But what if LOTS of women are flattered? What then? It's impossible to deduce how many are flattered and who aren't.

What if only a small minority aren't flattered?

squeakytoy · 23/09/2012 10:22

"What if only a small minority aren't flattered?"

Which certainly does appear to be the case.

I really would love us to have a poll function available on MN so that we could vote on things.

Blistory · 23/09/2012 10:36

Ok, point taken but could you explain why you think it's a flattering comment because I really don't understand that.

Hullygully · 23/09/2012 10:39

Because Youth is the Holy Grail

If you really want to be called a "young girl" you are buying into that whole construct.

It is why older women are invisible and not valued.

And because of that, there is a desperate scramble to embrace looking young.

A vicious circle.

OP posts:
SigmundFraude · 23/09/2012 10:55

I think that more often it's used in an affectionate way, or informally. I'm not personally too sure about it's flatterability!

If someone younger than me called me a young girl, I might raise an eyebrow, but I wouldn't particularly be offended. Someone older, fair enough. There are certain circumstances where I might be flattered.

But anyway, I would sort of agree with Hully's comment ^^, but I would argue that not all women buy into the eternal youth BS, I would probably argue that most don't actually, if the women I see in my day to day life are anything to go by, and I don't.

TheBigJessie · 23/09/2012 10:59

While I get on with writing my other planned post, I find that genuinely looking much younger than one is... annoying.

I always seem to look ten years younger than I am, while still being incredibly plain. I can't get served, and I couldn't get the baby weighed without being offered adult literacy classes. Was also asked if I knew what the word "viable" meant by a midwife. I am certain that she would not have done if I actually looked my chronological age.

TheBigJessie · 23/09/2012 11:05

I went to a French conversation group last week. The usher at the door immediately assumed that I was there for GCSE English retakes and started directing me before I'd even opened my mouth to ask where the French room was.

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