to feel sad that people want their childrens independance so fast?

[nokidshere]

Lots of posts on here this week about how old you were when you did certain things.

I think its really sad that so many are saying "I did my own washing/cooking/cleaning etc from the age of 12/13/14" "My mother never gave me money again after I got a job at 14" and so on.

My own two boys are prefectly capable of doing all of the above but why would I want them to? Sometimes they offer to do stuff and sometimes I ask them to but I would not be up in arms about doing all this stuff for them for a few more years yet. They don't need or deserve the responsibility of adulthood at this tender age. Surely its enough that they are taught to do these things without actually making them do everything for themselves?

I don't wash/cook and clean for my children from some misguided sense of wanting to keep them children for longer, I do it because I love them and want them to have a happy, stress free childhood. After all, they have many years of being an adult - far more than they have of being a child.

I don't know, 5 mad things, but I wish I lived in one!

The best way to bring your children up is according to the maxim:

If they are able to do it for themselves, don't do it for them.

I do not know anyone who at 12 says Ok stand on your own two feet...

I will soon have several free hours during the day, once dd2 starts going to school for longer, at the moment she only goes until 12.00. I will aim to get the bulk of cleaning etc done while both dds are at school, but obviously there will still be things that need done later, such as getting dinner, clearing up, loading dishwasher and tidying up the kitchen, getting lunches ready, etc, etc.

I think its really sad that so many are saying "I did my own washing/cooking/cleaning etc from the age of 12/13/14" "My mother never gave me money again after I got a job at 14" and so on.

So that would be me then. Our parents engendered a sense of responsibility and allowed us to contribute to the running of the house by helping with what needed to be done. A few chores is stressful - now come on what kind of message are you giving your children OP?

OP no one has missed your point.

We just don't agree with you. At all.

And why would you give your child money if they have their own job? Doesn't that miss the point of having a job entirely?

E

Wtf sorry baby touching phone. I'm teaching the 6mo about Internet forums and debate

"the post was about those people who thought that once they turned 12+ that they should have nothing done for them by their parents"

I've never seen such a post either. Nothing done for them? Mostly what you get are threads saying 'should I let my 12 year-old do X task by themselves?'... and various responses ranging from 'no, they're too young' to 'yes, my 12yo does that all the time'.

Just for the record, I don't have to nag my DCs to do all the stuff they do in the house.
They do it because it needs to be done. And we all have to pitch in. And if they don't wash and dry their kit, they don't swim/play football/get a detention.

It's not about having to stand over them nagging IMO. it's teaching cause and effect. If I don't go to work, we can't pay the bills. If ds1 doesn't make his packed lunch he is hungry. If Dd doesn't wash her footie kit, she can't play.

That's what I try and teach mine anyway. I find that cuts out the need to ask, or demand or nag.

me too halcyon and i am wondering what dp should do if have do it all as a sahm?! sit on his arse whilst i do it all?! cos that would set a really good example to our children...

There are a lot of things we should be teaching our sons and daughters so that they can lead full and independant lives. It doesn't stop with how to work a washing machine and run a hoover on. I am teaching mine to change washers, replace loo seats, replace light bulbs,plum in a wahing machine, how a stopcock works and where they are. All the mundane little things that you do running your own home. Doesn't mean i expect them to do all the home diy but they hopefully will have their own homes one day and will need to know these things.

nokidshere your point is a strawman though, I've never heard it expressed that a 12year old should have nothing done for them, just that they're expected to be part of the family and do appropriate things.

Now if you're a family who has designated roles and times for doing things then that would mean including them in the rota's etc. Or if you're a family who expects people to do things as they see them needing doing then you'd expect them to do that.

Tantrums that's the issue really.

You don't have to nag DC to do their own tasks, because it's they who are going to suffer if they don't do them.

where are these houses that only get messy and need housework doing during 'working hours ie 9-5"?

If everyone picks up after themselves though, housework doesn't need doing in the evenings. I think my kids are probably slightly older but they clean the sink/loo after themselves, pick their own towels up. Mopping I do as I head out the door to shop or do a school run. I prep dinner after or during school hours and so in the evening the last few dishes just go in the dishwasher and one of the kids empties it the next day.

I don't want to be doing hw in the evenings myself, or watch dh do it! Evenings are busy enough with running kids to activities, and we like some time to relax too.

but I don't make them do it as a matter of course, because as yet, they don't need to

Neither do I OP.

I understand what you are talking about op:) I have read it here too.

But, its very rare isn't it? most parents are just like the ones contributing today , and like yourself!

we dont have a dishwasher there isnt space. the children do pick up after themselves but they are younger. i like a clean toilet and bathroom. table beefs wiping after dinner, ditto the high chair abd the floor needs sweeping and then mopping. not mopping the floor with a toddler around or as we are going out the door at 8am for school run. plus the dining rm and kitchen are main thoroughfare of the house you cant get out the front door or go upstairs without going through dining rm.

pack.ups etc and just general tidying. i dont think my house is abnormal in thatrespect. and we do get an evening, one of us does tidying up etc whilst the kids are being put yo bed and then we can both sit down and relax by 8:30 in a tidy house!

There can't actually be many people who's houses never need cleaning after 5pm?

table beefs? sounds tasty 5 ;)

orange I aim to have it done by 5.

Maybe some gentle hoovering perhaps?

I aim to get my done by 6 at the latest!

We do have a dishwasher thankfully but things like the grill pan and wooden spoons still need to be washed by hand. Floor needs sweeping where the dds have their dinner, kitchen surfaces and cooker wiped over, shining the sink. I'd hardly expect a 6 and 4 year old to be cleaning the loo. DH usually makes sandwiches for the next day and he does a fair amount of cooking. He wouldn't expect to sit on his arse while I did everything.

we are eating dinner at 6pm! then kids clear the table, one of us tidies up etc and wipes the table! etc etc whilst the other gets little ones to bed. just usual tidying and organising for the next day. i hate getting up to a mess! i tidy and clean as i go along as do.the kids and they will.organise all their school stuff for the next day but dinner stuff, pack ups, the odd stray toy needs to be tidied, might put on another load of laundry so.its ready to hang out in the morning etc.

i dont spend hours doing housework in the evenings but theres stuff to do, half an hour and quick whizz around and tjen its tidy whilst dp puts kids to bed.