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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry that the Chief Constable chose the words..

999 replies

seeker · 19/09/2012 09:20

"gentle" and "a chatterbox" respectively to describe the two women police officers who were murdered on duty yesterday.

Can you imagine those words ever being used to describe a man?

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 19/09/2012 13:15

but I don't find Seeker in general an offensive poster as some have said

I agree proud she's not.

bubalou · 19/09/2012 13:18

What the fuck does it matter? SERIOUSLY?

In the midst of pain, shock, anguish, loss and all other sorts of emotions do you really think any of their family will give a shit at them being called girls???

God forbid you lose someone you know or work with and are asked to make a speech to millions about a tragic loss such as this only to have your words picked apart and analysed by some bored wuckfit with nothing interesting to say and no knowledge to back anything up.

Do the decent thing Seeker, apologies, admit your wrong and get the thread deleted.

effingwotsits · 19/09/2012 13:18

YABU.

My husband is a police officer and he is a very gentle man, and I love that about him. And if he was a chatterbox, I suspect he would be described as one (though he's not).

These are words their friends and colleagues used about them so they should know. I doubt Fahy has even met them.

TheCunningStunt · 19/09/2012 13:20

Wow!
MN is stuck in full moon cycle at the moment no? I am 32 and can say I am not a young girl.

The crux of this is that two people lost their lives in a horrific attack. Describing them as gentle or chatty is not gender specific, nor is it disrespectful when put in context. I am SURE their family and freinds are saying many other things and will remember them as more than these two words that were taken out of context. Energy should be focused on their family's who used these words to describe people they loved. THAT should be respected.

Op YABU. Two words out of many do not equal any disrespect.Smile

WorraLiberty · 19/09/2012 13:21

For the record I've never found seeker offensive. I can't remember ever disagreeing or agreeing with her.

This thread though, I do find offensive and I also found seekers refusal to acknowledge the words 'gentle' and 'chatterbox' were quotes, bloody annoying.

But there you go, I'm sure we'll find something to agree/disagree on on another subject - as is the way of any discussion forum.

Original poster
seeker · 19/09/2012 13:22

I have said that the Chief Constable didn't say "young girls" but that others did.

I still think that the Chief Constable should have chosen his words with more care but I acknowledge that it was not his drafting. But he chooses what he is going to say- he would have had lots of quotations to choose from given by family, colleagues and friends.

Oh, and I haven't reported any posts on this thread- I don't believe in deletions.

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 19/09/2012 13:22

Why on earth should the thread be deleted? Confused Someone disagreeing with you does not equal disrespect. I disagree with seeker but no reason to have the thread deleted imo.

valiumredhead · 19/09/2012 13:23

My last post was in repines to bubalou's

TheCunningStunt · 19/09/2012 13:23

No reason to delete the thread!

valiumredhead · 19/09/2012 13:23

response

Original poster
seeker · 19/09/2012 13:25

Sorry - that's not what I meant. There haven been deletions down the thread- I wanted to be sure nobody thought I had reported the post concerned.

OP posts:
LadyDianaSpencer · 19/09/2012 13:25

Delete the thread?! Confused

Cheddars · 19/09/2012 13:26

This thread perhaps explains more about why people are uneasy about the descriptions of these police officers.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/1255666-Words-used-soley-to-describe-women

I understand where Seeker is coming from.

cakeismysaviour · 19/09/2012 13:27

Well if I were one of her collegues and I read this thread, I would be very upset and offended that someone was describing the loving tributes made about my collegue as disrespectful.

thebestisyettocome · 19/09/2012 13:28

It's pretty common in the police and forces to use the words 'boys' and 'girls.' the police have commonly been referred to as 'the boys in blue' and the phrases ' send in the boys ' are not unheard of.

limitedperiodonly · 19/09/2012 13:30

No, sorry. I shouldn't have said the words were completely justifiable. As seeker said, there were other words from friends that could have been chosen and he should have chosen them.

BupcakesandCunting · 19/09/2012 13:32

Ooh look. In the family statement being read out on the news now, one is being described as a girl.

How dare her own family?!

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 19/09/2012 13:33

I think I brought up the 'young girls' thing, and yes I do find it disrespectful, as I said.

I am actually quite shocked at the kicking Seeker has got here. I agree with everything Limited said.

cakeismysaviour · 19/09/2012 13:34

As seeker said, there were other words from friends that could have been chosen and he should have chosen them.

Why? What is so terrible about being called gentle and a chatterbox? Maybe these were two of the words said that were most commonly given by her collegues. I am sure that her collegues made their tributes with love and care and the only people being disrespectful are those people who are picking apart the tributes of their grieving collegues.

cakeismysaviour · 19/09/2012 13:34

I meant from their grieving collegues.

Original poster
seeker · 19/09/2012 13:35

As I have said from the start, their family and friends and colleagues can say anything they like. Obviously.

The police hierarchy need to careful that the language they use is not demeaning and disrespectful.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 19/09/2012 13:36

there were other words from friends that could have been chosen and he should have chosen them

Why though?

What if the overall majority of friends and colleagues felt that they definitely were gentle and chatterboxes?

What if amongst other descriptions, these were the ones that came up time and again to truly describe them?

Why would they choose any other less said quotes just to appease the general public?

That hardly does justice to their memory does it? Confused

BupcakesandCunting · 19/09/2012 13:38

But seeker, you're also forgetting that the police hierarchy are not just talking about a faceless colleague. They are talking about a friend they've just lost in appalling circumstances. I'm sure that not offending the rad-fems of the UK is not high on their agenda at the minute.

I called my friend at work a lovely girl to another colleague just yesterday. I'd probably call her the same if I was talking about her in a past tense. It's not meant to belittle, it's an endearment.

grovel · 19/09/2012 13:41

Should the Chief Constable have asked the colleagues/friends to re-word their tributes because they were demeaning and disrespectful? Give me a break.

Abra1d · 19/09/2012 13:41

Well the mother of an Afghanistan casualty talked about her ?little Afghan hero?, adding: ?Hope my boy stays safe and the rest of the lads out there.?

So that's 'little', 'boy' and 'lad' used of young man in the army.

Point is, that people do use more emotive/sentimental/less 'grown-up' terminology when friends and loved ones die.