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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be angry that the Chief Constable chose the words..

999 replies

seeker · 19/09/2012 09:20

"gentle" and "a chatterbox" respectively to describe the two women police officers who were murdered on duty yesterday.

Can you imagine those words ever being used to describe a man?

OP posts:
QuickLookBusy · 20/09/2012 16:46

of course it's relevant to ask for quotes.

The CC should then use those quotes. Whatever they say.

It would be inappropriate to think the quotes provided weren't good enough and to carry on questioning someone. Or to reject using those quotes because a tiny proportion of people might be offended.

QuickLookBusy · 20/09/2012 16:48

There is a difference between asking someone for a quote and interviewing someone. This was pointed out by Limited yesterday. And there followed many people telling her how inappropriate interviewing someone would be.

Blistory · 20/09/2012 16:49

He didn't have a duty or obligation to monitor what he said then ?

limitedperiodonly · 20/09/2012 16:49

Boss Yes, I would. Would you really find it intrusive for someone who shared your daughter's job and who cared about her asking gently about her life having explained that they wanted some anecdotes for a personal tribute?

Police officers interview people for a living. It's not all interrogation. Most of them are very skilled and sensitive, so why wouldn't they be even more gentle with someone close to them to make sure that everyone knew what a special person their daughter was?

But if they really said they couldn't talk, and no one else could either, then I'd just leave it rather than using words like chatterbox, which is demeaning. After all, if someone's every second word was 'fuck' you'd cut that no matter how nice they were, wouldn't you?

Gentle is fine, but again I'd want to know in what way they were gentle and I fail to see how someone would be offended explaining how their daughter comforted a grieving mother - which is sadly, all in a day's work for a police officer.

In those circumstances people often tell you so much you feel guilty for having to leave some of it out. Some of them remain friends long after the terrible event.

I can only imagine that those special officers weren't there and the ones uncomfortable with tears were.

If you can't bring yourself to understand that melody then it's a waste of time explaining it to you.

Clytaemnestra · 20/09/2012 16:54

"Gentle is fine, but again I'd want to know in what way they were gentle and I fail to see how someone would be offended explaining how their daughter comforted a grieving mother - which is sadly, all in a day's work for a police officer."

What the actual quote in which gentle was used said was "she was always calm, collected and professional, and could defuse situations with her calm, gentle way."

So her manner in diffusing difficult situations was gentle. She didn't go in like a ull in a china shop, she was calm and gentle.

What more explanation do you need about in what way they were gentle?

limitedperiodonly · 20/09/2012 16:55

QLB we're not talking about sending round The Sun.

We're talking about officers who interview bereaved people almost every day in the course of their work. They also prepare them for court and comfort them after bruising encounters with barristers.

Did you not realise that police work involves that? And do you not think that many officers would more than capable of doing that, particularly for someone they cared deeply about?

I don't think it's me who's being unimaginative and insensitive here.

QuickLookBusy · 20/09/2012 16:56

Oh here we go again.

Yesterday we were told we were getting "hysterical". Now it's "if we cant understand something, it's all a waste of time.

Talk about emotive, sexist language.

Oh the irony!!!

QuickLookBusy · 20/09/2012 16:57

Em yes I do know what the police do for a living thank you very much. I also know we aren't talking about the Sun being sent round.

Are you know suggesting I'm stupid as well as hysterical?

MelodyPondering · 20/09/2012 17:01

No I can't understand. Because what you are suggesting is utter nonsense.

limitedperiodonly · 20/09/2012 17:02

clytaemnestra if someone told me that as I said, I'd let it go. But do you think officers were in and out of the houses in five minutes? No, they will have had proper conversations.

But that's reported speech. No one talks like that. They talk in anecdotes. So you use them after first checking that it would be all right to do so.

As I also said, I find it very hard to see how someone would object to you retelling the story of how their daughter comforted a bereaved mother or frightened child. It's possible, but that kind of story is what makes you really proud of your daughter and the job she did.

Moominsarescary · 20/09/2012 17:02

Sod that! I didn't want to talk to anyone about anything after my son died. I certainly wouldn't want people coming into my home to ask me personal questions about him less than 24 hours after he was murdered, tribute or not.

limitedperiodonly · 20/09/2012 17:09

Taking time to listen to people is utter nonsense is it melody?

QLB I'm not saying you're being hysterical or stupid. But I am going to say you're unwilling to listen and get aggressive you hear things that might contradict your point of view.

QuickLookBusy · 20/09/2012 17:12

When have I been aggressive?

MelodyPondering · 20/09/2012 17:15

You didn't say listen though, did you? You said question so that they would get better quotes.

Quotes which wouldn't offend complete strangers who just love to find things sexist even when they are not.

Blistory · 20/09/2012 17:17

It would be naive to think that the police force hadn't considered the possible impact of the fact that it was two female officers who were killed. Surely this placed a higher duty on them to get this right to avoid exactly this type of discussion ?

Or could it perhaps be that there is a genuine institutional problem with attitudes within the police towards the role of women within the force ?

grovel · 20/09/2012 17:21

Kinell, girls, there are some right chatterboxes on this thread. 966 posts. 34 to go and it'll get wiped.

Can't wait.

limitedperiodonly · 20/09/2012 17:21

That's okay moomin you just say 'I don't want to talk about it' and they go away.

But someone must have talked to these people shortly after their daughters were murdered. And they must have explained they were gathering quotes for a tribute because that's what happened. I can't imagine they would be so insensitive as to just use the quotes without asking permission.

It's possible the families said 'put what you like. We trust you' and it would be wrong to push it.

I still wouldn't have used the bald word "chatterbox" though because it makes a grown woman sound like an annoying six year old to anyone who doesn't know her. And almost everyone listening to that tribute doesn't know her and now never will.

MelodyPondering · 20/09/2012 17:22

They couldn't have avoided this discussion. Whatever they said it wouldn't have been quite right for you.

threeOrangesocksmorgan · 20/09/2012 17:22

grovel you and me both

QuickLookBusy · 20/09/2012 17:23

Could you please point out where I've been aggressive Limited?

grovel · 20/09/2012 17:24

972

threeOrangesocksmorgan · 20/09/2012 17:24

how many to go?

MelodyPondering · 20/09/2012 17:26

964

limitedperiodonly · 20/09/2012 17:26

Are you know suggesting I'm stupid as well as hysterical?

QLB I found this accusation quite aggressive as well as unfounded.

MelodyPondering · 20/09/2012 17:26

Oh dear. I meant 974...