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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I live in a council flat - do not judge me!

252 replies

WhatABloodyMess · 18/09/2012 20:42

DS2 had a friend round for tea yesterday (I brought them from school). When his mum picked him up she seemed rather perturbed that we live in a 3rd floor council flat in a shitty area of town. She was very red faced and flustered (maybe from the walk up the stairs which I have to do with a toddler and shopping at least 3 times a day?) and rather short with me saying 'How on earth did you end up living here'.

Now my DS has been attending his school for 5 years (now in Yr6) in a fairly affluent area as we used to live in this affluent area ourselves! We have never had this lad round before but DS has always played with him and I have always said 'hi' to his mum.

It took a lot of courage to invite a school friend of the DCs round as I am already very upset about living here so this has just made me feel 10 times worse.

This morning the mum completely blanked me and DS said his friend has said he can't come to his house.

AIBU to think that she must think I am scum now or something? The flat is very clean btw and DSs friend was quite happy.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 19/09/2012 07:23

I wouldn't approach the woman,nor tell teacher
I would be cordial but cool to the mum
and hopefully better pals to be found

usualsuspect3 · 19/09/2012 07:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TantrumsAndGoldAndOrange · 19/09/2012 07:31

I honestly wouldn't bother yourself with speaking to this ridiculous excuse for a person. She can fuck right off.
We live in a council house with our brown babies pp
It's bloody lovely. I think having 3 brown babies helped us immensely when both myself and DH lost our jobs within a week of each other, our house was sold for pennies and we were living in a charming council b&b.

Maybe we should have had a few more brown babies, we may not have been in there for so long.

op the mother is a twat and not worth another second of your time. People like that are always going to be twats. You won't embarress her by calling her on it, because people like that don't feel shame like decent people do.

pp either you, or your friends are disgusting racists. But I guess you know that already and are quite happy with that.
Council properties are not necessarily decorated to your taste, the trick is to pick up a fucking paintbrush and a bottle of bleach and deal with it yourself. But you know what? If you do decide to contact shelter about the awfulness of your place, please let us all watch whilst they tell you to get a grip and fuck off.

WynkenBlynkenandNod · 19/09/2012 08:03

Agree there's no point in wasting time on nobber woman. But I do know of people like this, my friend was never allowed to play with friends who lived in council houses.

We live now in a bubble on the south coast and though people are lovely, I've been really shocked at some of the comments we've heard. Last week a good friend of mine was talking to DH and said something along the lines of 'we had a good time but the place was full of Pakis'. DD has gone to a different upper school to most of her friends and there's been comments from the other children about 'Gypos' going there.

I've lost track of how many times I've heard people say 'I'm not racist but' Another couple of people said they've heard the non catchment middleschool we want to send DS to has behavioural issues as it includes children from a council estate. Really really depressing to hear people say things like this.

pinkdelight · 19/09/2012 08:05

I agree the mother is a twat but am also interested by the question asked - what did OP think of council flats before she had to live in one?

Because, I think the twatty mum's question: "How on earth did you end up living here?"

Is answered perfectly well by the Op's reference to: "when we lived near the school in the lovely house we used to own before I got ill and everything went tits up!"

Therefore there is a story here and a reason for the mum to ask, although obviously she did it in the most dim, ignorant terms. But those who've picked up on the OP's own feelings about where she lives now are onto something I think.

This doesn't seem like some cut n dried case of OP not having any problem with where she lives. Clearly she does, and would go back to the lovely house in a heartbeat, understandably. So apart from fact that OP was probably dumbfounded by the shock of the question, it seems like this was a prime opportunity to debunk the mum's idea that there is such a thing as a council estate stereotype. "Well, I was just like you and then..."

The mum may still blank her, from some deep-seated fear that there's no difference between those people on the estate and her nice people after all. It's hard not to give into that fear - why do you think people pay for private education, move for 'nice' schools, and try like hell to get out of some estates?

I think it's worth acknowledging, as someone said about the untruthfulness here, that this fear is very deep in many many of us, evidently including the OP. We seek out our own and fear difference and have to actively make ourselves combat this, which can be hard where our PFBs are concerned, and way easier to stick with 'safety'. I'm not saying it's right, but it's daft to think it's not the prevailing mode.

Dawndonna · 19/09/2012 08:15

Wasn't she the one with the fat bridesmaids?
Fuck, I do wish someone would ban her, racist views are unacceptable and she seems to think she's awfully clever.

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere · 19/09/2012 08:21

Who PP?
Did she have fat bridesmaids?

Poor thing.
Living in council and fat bridesmaids.
Where they brown Sad

TyrannoWearsGoldKnickers · 19/09/2012 08:25

wynkenBlynkenandNod I'm on SE coast and couldn't agree more. It's frustrating and sad.

Op, try and forget this ghastly woman. She really isn't worth your wasting any more of your time dwelling on. Your DC is too good to be around such an unpleasant bitch.

ontheedgeofwhatever · 19/09/2012 08:29

Don't let her put you off having you son's friends round.Most people are lovely honestly she sounds awful

We lived in a tiny two bed flat for ages. A friend of DDs came round and her mum came and picked her up and was really lovey complimenting me on how tidy the place was(if only she'd seen it that morning!!) and how lovely the view was. Basically she made me feel really brilliant about my flat which I didn't really like

Two weeks later I went to pick DD up from HER house to discover a huge and immaculate 9 bedroom place with massive staircase, 3 sitting rooms, beautiful furniture and carpets, chandeliers, a kitchen the size of a small playing field and a hall my entire flat would have fitted in with space to spare. We're really good friends now and never once has she made me feel inferior.

Honestly a decent person just wouldn't behave like that woman OP. I hope she feels suitably ashamed when she thinks about it

TantrumsAndGoldAndOrange · 19/09/2012 08:55

Of course they were not brown mrsD

Imagine the horror? I mean it's bad enough being far but didn't you know being brown puts you in a whole new category.

Everyone knows the only reason we have mixed race children is to get free council houses, 90 inch tvs, and a goat Grin

SoleSource · 19/09/2012 09:38

Mrs Devere lmao!

EmpressOfTheGoldOceans · 19/09/2012 09:42

I've got a mixed race child. And a council flat.

I WANT MY GOAT Sad

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere · 19/09/2012 09:59

I only want a brown goat.
They come with extras

butisthismyname · 19/09/2012 10:00

I haven't got any brown babies , but I do have one hearing impaired one and three by two different blokes - oh, and we bought our council house, which sort of makes us a bit scummy doesn't it?? Funny though, all of ds's friends want to come round here all the time rather than go to their houses as ours is bigger, messier and friendlier than their trendy 'edwardian terraces'! We originally lived in a tiny third floor council flat which was in the catchment of a very over subscribed primary so eldest dd was friends with kids who lived in massive great houses. Never had a single issue with any parents.

TantrumsAndGoldAndOrange · 19/09/2012 10:03

The brown goats are reserved for special cases mrsD

SoleSource · 19/09/2012 10:05

WhatABloodyMess Did you see snooty today?

EmpressOfTheGoldOceans · 19/09/2012 12:02

Does that mean I can get a white goat faster?
I can clear it a space on my balcony. Or it could share with DD.

SoleSource · 19/09/2012 12:30

Goatist -

TantrumsAndGoldAndOrange · 19/09/2012 13:16

Oh yes there's plenty of white goats. No one wants them you see. It doesn't help you get a council house any quicker.

Whereas a brown goat opens many many doors.

EmpressOfTheGoldOceans · 19/09/2012 13:19

Well, I've got the flat so I don't mind doing it in reverse.
And I don't want a goat that can open doors or it might raid my fridge.

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 19/09/2012 13:24

I put forward a motion to free up council flats for more deserving folk by refusing them to any entitled lazy racists.

bradbourne · 19/09/2012 13:28

To the OP: the other mother's attitude says an awful lot more about her than it does about you.

I could possibly excuse her first comment - maybe she was a bit surprised, perhaps having had a vague inkling that you used to live somehere else (as, indeed, you did) and it all came out a bit clumsily. Maybe.

But to blank you and try to stop her son coming to your house again? Inexcusable.

cynner · 19/09/2012 13:33

Damn it Pickles! Why must you spoil things for those of us who have worked hard spitting out babies and scamming the gove!

SoleSource · 19/09/2012 13:36

I am worried about my 20 houses.Surely DS and I have a strong case to keep the. Where the hell would I keep my designer clothes and my horse!

FrothyOM · 19/09/2012 13:50

You don't get any extra points from councils for being black or foreign.

The council house shortages are down to a pale-skinned blonde woman called Margaret.

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