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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I live in a council flat - do not judge me!

252 replies

WhatABloodyMess · 18/09/2012 20:42

DS2 had a friend round for tea yesterday (I brought them from school). When his mum picked him up she seemed rather perturbed that we live in a 3rd floor council flat in a shitty area of town. She was very red faced and flustered (maybe from the walk up the stairs which I have to do with a toddler and shopping at least 3 times a day?) and rather short with me saying 'How on earth did you end up living here'.

Now my DS has been attending his school for 5 years (now in Yr6) in a fairly affluent area as we used to live in this affluent area ourselves! We have never had this lad round before but DS has always played with him and I have always said 'hi' to his mum.

It took a lot of courage to invite a school friend of the DCs round as I am already very upset about living here so this has just made me feel 10 times worse.

This morning the mum completely blanked me and DS said his friend has said he can't come to his house.

AIBU to think that she must think I am scum now or something? The flat is very clean btw and DSs friend was quite happy.

OP posts:
SoleSource · 19/09/2012 00:01

Pmsl!

WorraLiberty · 19/09/2012 00:01

Please help out a confused lurker here who has scrolled up and down about 5 times.

Who said what about a black baby and when?

Grassy arse

SoleSource · 19/09/2012 00:02

I live in a housing assoc property ad stated before. I am honest.

SoleSource · 19/09/2012 00:03

On the FB link tnat as gone puff

peacefuleasyfeeling · 19/09/2012 00:04

How insensitive and rude. But that kind of thinking is rife, as people have already said. When we bought our lovely ex-council house on a nice leafy little out of town estate, I was astounded at how many friends, acquaintances and colleagues felt it was completely OK to say things like "Gosh, I'd never thought I'd see YOU living somewhere like this (aghast)." or "Whoa, I thought you were more... middle class (curiously, as if I'd decided to wear jeans to a black tie do))." or "Well, I suppose you've made it really nice... (trailing off)." or "Oh, I see, you're in THIS part of xxxx... (penny dropping kind of expression)" straight to my face, without flinching. Gobsmacking. Well, we love it. But, when DD goes to the local primary, which happens to be in a very affluent area across the way, I too have wondered if we might encounter similar attitudes to that of your DS' friends' mother. But I try not to think about that Smile . Hold your head high.

WorraLiberty · 19/09/2012 00:05

Ahh thanks Sole

HairExtensions · 19/09/2012 00:05

Woe betide the person who ever judges my child on where we live.

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere · 19/09/2012 00:05

PP posted a link to her facebook.
It contained photos of her new council flat.
She is displeased with the state of the decoration.
It needs decorating.
Her comments include ones about having brown babies to get a nicer flat.

PP is somewhat bitter and is either a racist or has racist friends or both.

I feel sad for PP. She is full of self loathing because she has to live in council.

Sad
MaisyMooCow · 19/09/2012 00:05

Perhaps she thinks she will catch 'poor' or 'scum'. It's rife in council areas.

Or....maybe your DS will teach her DS how to snort coke and play with guns.

As you live so high where do you keep the goat?

Thinking about it, why is your DS bothering to go to school. He's only going to end up unemployed, theiving or bashing up grannies, he'll never aspire to anything. They never do those council tenants. Hmm

NellyJob · 19/09/2012 00:09

Is everyone being honest?
I don't think so either Jock

RandallPinkFloyd · 19/09/2012 00:10
WorraLiberty · 19/09/2012 00:11

I own an ex council house in what was/is one of Britain's largest council property areas.

Now everyone around here is pretty much the same in the sense that they're either decent human beings or they're not...and this has got nothing to do with the accommodation they happen to live in.

Having said that, the 'flats estate' about 10 minutes down the road is dire. I most certainly wouldn't walk through it in broad daylight alone due to the awful gang culture there.

BUT I would be (and am) quite happy for my kids to go to tea/play inside the flat of any nice/decent person who lives there...why wouldn't I be?

But I would not allow them to play out on the estate. Not because I'm a snob in any way shape or form...but because the estate itself is dangerous if your 'face doesn't fit'.

If they want to play out with their mates who live there, they're perfectly welcome to play with them outside my house instead.

Empusa · 19/09/2012 00:13

Jock Bearing in mind how many of us actually live in council housing, it seems unlikely we'd be lying about not judging people on where they live

cynner · 19/09/2012 00:27

I am shocked by the vile statements made by PP. She is clearly soneone deserving of our scorn and pity.

Narked · 19/09/2012 00:28

There are council estates and council estates. There's one fairly near to me that is really rough. As in teens harassing/mugging adults in daylight. The one that's a bit closer to me is really pleasant - the local primary slap bang in the middle of it is rated outstanding and it has a good mix of people from pensioners who've lived there for decades to young families. People want to live there. I'm sure there are lovely people living on both of them, though I wouldn't want my older ones walking around the first one.

I'd be much more interested in the behaviour of the child and of mine after the visit. Home ownership does not = pleasant human being and good parent.

MrsJohnMurphy · 19/09/2012 00:34

I live in a HA house in a mainly owned estate, it seems to me that the older inhabitants are much friendlier than the people who have recently bought houses.

The day we came to actually view the house, we had next door knocking and asking us to be quiet, they obviously had a preconception of us and were utter twats. Thankfully the people who moved in after they moved are fine.

There is at the school dc's go to a massive playdate/childcare culture that we are excluded from, meh what can you do?

SoleSource · 19/09/2012 00:46

Lol Worra :)

crackcrackcrak · 19/09/2012 00:48

When I was at primary school my parents moved me to a different one with a better reputation. It happened to have loads of kids from a nearby council estate attending. I started there when I was 7 and quickly made lots of new friends. My mum was always inviting them for tea and happily getting to know the other mums do they came to the 5 bedroom beachfront regency townhouse and I went to their houses on this estate. It never occurred to me at 7 to mind and neither did my parents. My parents split v soon after that and my mum moved out. She told me she was going to get a house and apparently (she's been telling me this story for years) I immediately suggested she move to x estate - because it was loads of fun and I knew all the kids there Grin
Op that women is doing her child a disservice and she will make him miserable. I think that's v sad Sad
When dd goes to school
She can invite any kid she wants here and go for tea at any other kids house she wants to -I will only judge if they can keep her safe (anybody -I certainly wouldn't assume she was more or less sage depending on the housing situation I know plenty of push feckless parents!)

SPsFanjoSponsoredByOrange · 19/09/2012 00:51

She sounds like a right cunt so tbh she has done you a favour by fucking off.

I live in a council house and I'm not ashamed either. Why should I be?

I couldnt give a flying nun what people think and if they are going to judge the area you live and who owns the house then they aren't worth shit to me.

Having an owned house doesn't make you a decent person. I'd rather be in a council house and a good person the bitch in a owned house.

SPsFanjoSponsoredByOrange · 19/09/2012 00:51

Than a*

sashh · 19/09/2012 02:43

I think you should have a quiet word with ds's teacher. The school obviously need to address their anti discrimination teaching.

Let her son come home and tell mum about how we shouldn't judge people because of colour, sex or where they live.

cynner · 19/09/2012 04:41

Ahhhh..SP..somehow I knew you would have a thing or two to say...

IamfuckingWolverine · 19/09/2012 05:21

OP this woman has the problem

I used to live in a rather posh house when my marriage was intact. Now I am a single parent living in a very shabby rented Qld cottage. But my DD's friends (most live in huge mansions) seem to really enjoy coming over and hanging out over here. It is because I am always welcoming and love having them over. DS's mates also seem to spend too much time littering the place Grin.

Some of their parents have been a bit 'funny' about my situation but pah! I am a beautiful and charming womanand that seems to win them over Wink.
You sound like a lovely woman...don't let this fool upset you.

Jemma1111 · 19/09/2012 05:54

Most people who live in ' affluent ' areas don't OWN a thing and purely rent their house , car etc and lots are up to their eyes in debt .

Many people on ' council estates ' actually OWN their own properties and cars etc outright , and live debt free.

And to those who think that thieves, tax dodgers, druggies, wife beaters , alcoholics, prostitutes etc only ever live on council estates then you are totally clueless !

ladymariner · 19/09/2012 06:43

I'd have to have a word with the woman, Op, I couldnt let it lie because it would eat away at me. I'm not saying go in ranting and raving but I would politely ask her why ds and her son weren't allowed to play together anymore and then what she said would determine how the conversation went from there.
Feel sorry for your ds, honestly some people can be so bloody cruel, and stupid!