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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I live in a council flat - do not judge me!

252 replies

WhatABloodyMess · 18/09/2012 20:42

DS2 had a friend round for tea yesterday (I brought them from school). When his mum picked him up she seemed rather perturbed that we live in a 3rd floor council flat in a shitty area of town. She was very red faced and flustered (maybe from the walk up the stairs which I have to do with a toddler and shopping at least 3 times a day?) and rather short with me saying 'How on earth did you end up living here'.

Now my DS has been attending his school for 5 years (now in Yr6) in a fairly affluent area as we used to live in this affluent area ourselves! We have never had this lad round before but DS has always played with him and I have always said 'hi' to his mum.

It took a lot of courage to invite a school friend of the DCs round as I am already very upset about living here so this has just made me feel 10 times worse.

This morning the mum completely blanked me and DS said his friend has said he can't come to his house.

AIBU to think that she must think I am scum now or something? The flat is very clean btw and DSs friend was quite happy.

OP posts:
moggiek · 18/09/2012 20:54

She is the one who should feel ashamed, certainly not you!

Original poster
WhatABloodyMess · 18/09/2012 20:54

perceive

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 18/09/2012 20:55

You shouldn't ask her what her problem is. You know that she is an insecure, judgemental snob. You don't need the upset of hearing anything else someone like that has to say.

She is not worth another moment of your time thinking about her. She is nothing. Treat her as such.

If your son still wants to be friends with you son give them your blessing. Hopefully if she tries to stop it he will ask her questions which give her food for thought.

You are worth a hundred of her.

ninah · 18/09/2012 20:55

well your ds will probably grow up with a healthy set of values

Fosgoldlady · 18/09/2012 20:55

What a moo the mother is - I feel sorry for her kid having a mother like that. You shouldn't feel ashamed at all - you should feel superior to her for not having such a disgusting outlook on life. And definitely ask her, put her on the spot!

BobblyOrangeGoldGussets · 18/09/2012 20:55

Nothing helpful to add, but she sounds horrible OP. That is very hurtful. She should be ashamed not you.

Chin up, you sound nice, keep going with your head held high.

MorningGromit · 18/09/2012 20:57

I clicked as although my daughter isn't as school I'm worried about this :(

I live in an ex-council place, but we only bought recently and prices here are high. People are age and stage in life live in much nicer places elsewhere in the area. I'm really worried we will be judged too :( I already tend to meet people in the park rather than invite them back here.

Labootin · 18/09/2012 20:57

She sounds like a horrible person so just write it off

IPad wanted to say sonnet instead of so it's very poetic ...

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere · 18/09/2012 20:57

whatabloodymess
Dont feel ashamed. This is her problem not yours.

There is NO shame in living in a council flat.

Bloody hell, from some of the threads I have seen on MNs they are the most desired properties on the planet!

Everyone seems to want one. I am forever seeing posts about how people 'wish they were lucky enough to be given a council house'

So the twathead was probably jealous Wink

HecateHarshPants · 18/09/2012 20:58

some people are just twats. If someone wants to judge you based on where you live, then screw them. They're not worth it. And it's not worth lowering yourself to their level by even saying anything to them.

However. As a steaming great hypocrite who lives by the motto "do as I say, not as I do" Grin I would march over to her in front of everyone and say "Well, I am sorry that my home isn't good enough for your child to be in, but I don't think it's necessary to judge me and write me off based on the fact that I live in a flat"

But I get The Rage sometimes.

Don't do that. Just have a little fantasy about putting her in her place and then hold your head high and be happy that you're a nicer person than someone like that. Grin

Probably. I don't know you. For all I know, your flat was full of satanic symbols and that's why she's scared to let her kid come back Wink

Original poster
WhatABloodyMess · 18/09/2012 20:58

Oh thanks. I know you're right. Still want to bawl my eyes out though. This has just reinforced how shit things are at the moment Sad.

OP posts:
SoleSource · 18/09/2012 21:00

What a complete cunty cunt tits!

I live in a housing association house. Good area but expect she would treat me the same.

I would confront. Ask her why her child cannot pkay at your flat anymore? Do not wait for answet, just say not good enough for you? Well my DS and flat is not good enough for you! Blank the bastard

Hugs xx

I would be your friend in a heartbeat.

ninah · 18/09/2012 21:01

MG that's me, too
I have got some really good friends but it did take time. Some have nicer houses than me and are genuinely non judgemental. Some appear affluent but have behind the scenes struggles. My favourite friend lives on a boat. There are great people out there. In a way it's probably harder for the people with flash houses to sort out the wheat from the chaff! I know people like me for me - I've little else to offer!

Original poster
WhatABloodyMess · 18/09/2012 21:04

We have only been here since May. Have not had a soul over except for DDs best mate who's here all the bloody time Grin.

Really, really hard to adjust and accept that we will be here for quite some time.

OP posts:
McHappyPants2012 · 18/09/2012 21:04

Ignore the stuck up bitch.

Original poster
WhatABloodyMess · 18/09/2012 21:06

Off for a fag on the balcony, tears are welling up. Thanks again. I need to grow a pair, I know!

OP posts:
marriedinwhite · 18/09/2012 21:07

Her problem. Not yours and I feel more sorry for her dc than for yours.

I will share something very honestly though. Our ds went to school in a leafy cofe school. There was a lovely family who went bankrupt and got repossessed and after a little while in a homeless unit were rehoused in a tower block on a South London estate.

DS and another good friend were invited for tea. I collected them both. In the car on the way back this is what they said. "The estate and the stairs aren't very nice but it's really lovely inside and bf and his mum and dad and brothers and sisters are all still the same". They were about 7 or 8. We never every stopped having the bf round and neither did anyone else. It's her problem not yours.

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 18/09/2012 21:07

proudnscary was it you? Confused
OP- she's a twat and you're better off without twats in your life.

McHappyPants2012 · 18/09/2012 21:09

I also live in a HA house and I have no plans to ever move

EmpressOfTheGoldOceans · 18/09/2012 21:12

We love our council flat. She sounds like a total idiot.

mrsscoob · 18/09/2012 21:13

Are you sure she did blank you? I know at the school gates when everyone is busy rushing around it is quite easy to not say hi to people you normally do, after all it's not possible really to say hi to everyone maybe she just didn't notice you that day. Your son could have asked his friend to come round again today and she just meant no not that day.

The reason I ask is that you seem incredibly ashamed yourself that you live in a council flat, you've mentioned several times that you used to live in an affluent area and that you are ashamed of where you live now.

Could it be that you were expecting a reaction like this and so then perceived it? Maybe see how things go over the next few days you may find she's friendly again tomorrow. Smile

SlightlyJaded · 18/09/2012 21:13

Honestly, I know it feels impossible but you should call her on it

Something like "the boys had a lovely time playing - DS would love to have your DS over again soon - when is good for you?"

And if she falters, look her dead in the eye and tell her that your DS had told you that her DS wasn't allowed round but you assumed that he had misunderstood.

Then watch her squirm.

And please please continue to invite more of DS's friends round - there can't possibly be many as cuntish as she.

Chrysanthemum5 · 18/09/2012 21:13

Ignore her. Some of my DCs friends live in huge houses, some are in very small flats. We have a tiny, shabby bungalow. It makes no difference to the DCs or me. We invite people round if the DCs want to see them I wouldn't even care about what their house was like compared to mine.

You're obviously having a tough time, and obviously this has hurt you. Your DCs will be fine, they will still have friends but I know you are worried about them.

You sound lovely, and your DCs friends will love you!

ninah · 18/09/2012 21:13

I've always wanted a balcony op Envy maybe we should do a house swap! you do a month in my ex council house on the outskirts of the village, and I'll do a month in your estate - we can take on each others stuck up neighbours and give the dc a town/country exchange experience
you'd have to do my job tho and it was pants today

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere · 18/09/2012 21:13

well this might make you laugh.
I used to live in council but in a very right on part of London.
I had the MC parents virtually queuing round the block to have their kids visit mine.

Council house, mixed race - we ticked two diversity boxes. My DCs were very well spoken (unlike their mother) and polite and I read books and spoke in whole sentences...so we were earthy but not scary.

I swear its true....

Grin