I live in a council flat - do not judge me!

[WhatABloodyMess]

DS2 had a friend round for tea yesterday (I brought them from school). When his mum picked him up she seemed rather perturbed that we live in a 3rd floor council flat in a shitty area of town. She was very red faced and flustered (maybe from the walk up the stairs which I have to do with a toddler and shopping at least 3 times a day?) and rather short with me saying 'How on earth did you end up living here'.

Now my DS has been attending his school for 5 years (now in Yr6) in a fairly affluent area as we used to live in this affluent area ourselves! We have never had this lad round before but DS has always played with him and I have always said 'hi' to his mum.

It took a lot of courage to invite a school friend of the DCs round as I am already very upset about living here so this has just made me feel 10 times worse.

This morning the mum completely blanked me and DS said his friend has said he can't come to his house.

AIBU to think that she must think I am scum now or something? The flat is very clean btw and DSs friend was quite happy.

Freddo what are these attitudes.

What a horrible woman.

who said anything about playing out anyway Freddo?

How very middle class of you outraged.

What attitudes and ways of life are they Freddos? What do you think we all sit around chain smoking, talking about our next giro and how we're going to pay the catalogue?

Besides surely it's good for children to realise social differences, it's not catching and saves for disgusting attitudes like this womans later on in life.

Just because you (general) you own your home doesn't mean your standards are any higher than mine. I know better off, better educated, 'middle class', famiiles who get up to things I wouldn't dream of.

I really don't want to get into an arguement about it on OPs thread, that seems mean.

But if you really can't think of the sort of things that seem to happen more commonly in (OPs own words) so called 'shitty areas', that I might prefer my children not to see, then you are very naieve.

OP has already said she is very upset about having to live there. I would presume there is a reason for that.

A very good friend used to say ' Where you live is not who you are.'

The only time I would judge anyone was if they didn't put the kettle on when I visited

OP, the mum was probably embarrassed about being unfit and out of puff

Well I grew up in a crap area and can honestly not think of one thing that 'goes on' that would have any impact on a visiting child.

There aren't exactly hookers on every street corner and people brawling on the street,

i wouldnt challenge or have anything out with her op
too confrontational,not worth the jip
i would however relay her comments when discussing the visit with others

Nice one scottish

My parents own there own house. Always have. This are is one of the top ten areas to live in. Teacher, nurse, midwife, university lecturer live next door in their housing association houses. Not all are scum.

I live in one house of a row of ten in a road of privately brought properties.

Not naieve just offended that you think where I live and my children live is not good enough for your DC.

I don't smoke, I have rarly have a drink, I work, my dh works both of my dc are well cared for. The only thing me and dh don't have a qualification.

What a daft woman, i often get this reaction as we live on a less than perfect estate and have had people refuse invites to parties ect becasue of the estate, my grandparents wont come round and stay in case their car gets damanged (which never actually happens) ect. Please dont take it personally, your dc will grow up to respect the differences of people. im sure your home is lovely, as i have tried to point out mine is when people say oh its only a council house. grrr

outraged- really?
I can imagine discouraging my dcs friendship for a few reasons, but a friends address?

What make should think that I don't thnk where you live is good enough for my children?

I have no idea where you live!

This isn't some judgement I am making about each and every council/HA property there is. And if you're not naieve, you will know the sort of thing I am talking about. I already said I wouldn't judge an individual for where they live. It's not like I'm sitting here calling out from my mansion, I'm sitting here in my very plain 3 bed semi.

People can be so snobby...OP YANBU..nobody should judge you on the basis of where you live.

FWIW, up u til 18 months ago I was living on the local sink estate....it was so bad that it was earmarked for "regeneration" and they are beginning to pull bits of it down. I felt I could not invite anyone back there, my neighbour openly dealt drugs, her dogs ran wild and every other word out of her mouth was "fack" or "fackin".

BUT on that estate I met my best friend who is wonderful, she and I have helped one another through thick and thin. I have other friends who just accepted it was where I lived too.

I was eventually rehoused 18 months ago as DS is autistic and needed a safe garden as outside space. The friends who knew me in the sink estate still know me now.....those that judged I moved on from and so will you. Horrible woman.

yes I will never forget a so called friend coming down to my ex-council place and screwing up her nose in disgust - wasn't even a bad block just low rise maisonettes..... (we are no longer friends)

Sorry to ramble but outrageds post is still bothering me.

I mean I could understand someone not wanting their child to play with a child from a bad family, but not because of their address. And I really cannot see what you think goes on in even the worst of areas that you wouldn't want a visiting child exposed to, I mean I'm assuming you trust the parent who's child house yours is visiting to keep them safe.

I had a friend from work who lived in a very nice expensive area, husband and her both had university education, both in professional well paid jobs, lovely house, lovely clothes, kids in good schools, then one day she confessed to me that she left the baby home while she popped out to pick up the older two from school. Still want to send your kids round to play there? You can never, ever judge a book by it's cover.

I think Freddos means bad family on a bad estate. Not good family on bad estate whom would be happy letting the children mix on tne streets etc being influenced.

Your 2nd paragraph.

I live in what others call a shitty area, but it is not. I live in a very quiet cul de sac.

My dcs have definitely played in some dodgy areas, but not with dodgy people. You can live in a really horrible area, but have a safe and happy home.

So you are known to the mum, she sees you often and you speak on cordial terms.

Her chid and yours are friends. Children don't tend to be proper friends with kids that are mean.

So your family sounds perfectly nice, irrespective of where your flat is.

I'd be happy to be your friend and for my DC to visit. Can I come if I bring cake.

Manners maketh the woman. Karma is going to have a field day on this ones arse.

Head up OP, and remember DHs adage: you can't educate shit.

We live in a flat on just the "wrong"side of the county line. A lot of dds friends at high school came from the rural horsey set, while we lived in the ex mining village next door. I know our flat would probably fit several times over into some of their houses and it could be difficult at times,but her friends came to stay regularly and still do. They don't judge us and they are always welcome here. One girl was particularly excited when i reminded her we had to be quiet as we have neighbours downstairs and she exclaimed "cool! I've never been in a house that has other people living it!"
I do feel for you though OP. I understand.