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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I live in a council flat - do not judge me!

252 replies

WhatABloodyMess · 18/09/2012 20:42

DS2 had a friend round for tea yesterday (I brought them from school). When his mum picked him up she seemed rather perturbed that we live in a 3rd floor council flat in a shitty area of town. She was very red faced and flustered (maybe from the walk up the stairs which I have to do with a toddler and shopping at least 3 times a day?) and rather short with me saying 'How on earth did you end up living here'.

Now my DS has been attending his school for 5 years (now in Yr6) in a fairly affluent area as we used to live in this affluent area ourselves! We have never had this lad round before but DS has always played with him and I have always said 'hi' to his mum.

It took a lot of courage to invite a school friend of the DCs round as I am already very upset about living here so this has just made me feel 10 times worse.

This morning the mum completely blanked me and DS said his friend has said he can't come to his house.

AIBU to think that she must think I am scum now or something? The flat is very clean btw and DSs friend was quite happy.

OP posts:
ninah · 18/09/2012 21:15

mrss she said to op 'how on earth did you end up living here!' Shock
rude cah

akaemmafrost · 18/09/2012 21:16

I would shame her. I'd say to her "ds says your ds isn't going to come and play at ours anymore, why not? Did he not have a good time? What can I do to make him a bit happier next time he comes? SmileSmileSmile".

JennerOSity · 18/09/2012 21:16

She sounds like a right cow, and of course her opinion is therefore worthless, however, of course you are going to be concerned whether your ds is going to be affected. However, this poor young man aside who has just had his friendship restricted by his nasty mum, I would like to bet she is in a tiny tiny minority who would behave/think like this!

I have friends who live in all sorts of circumstances from the humble to the not-at-all humble and it makes no difference to me. I think manners are the most important thing and I'm sure your ds has those.

scottishmummy · 18/09/2012 21:16

she may live in fancy hoose
but she has no class
rude woman

scottishmummy · 18/09/2012 21:19

dont be put off invites,its lovely youre hospitable.id come
and you know what a cuppa tea, good chat will sort out some pals
you have had a tough day,and its not nice to have insecurities played upon

thewashfairy · 18/09/2012 21:19

Wow,just WOW!! Can not believe the attitude of this woman. God forbid she ever finds herself having to deal with hard financial times!! I feel sad for her son. What if he ever finds himself in a position where he has no money/job. Will he be too embarrassed to have his Mum round for tea,knowing how she judges people by how or where they live??

It's not going to help you right now though is it OP. Please be assured you have been unlucky to have had to deal with this awful woman. I think I can safely say the majority of people wouldn't react the way she did.....

Please do NOT stop inviting your DC's friends round. True friends don't judge you by your possessions.

My children have friends from all ways of life,some have more material things/nicer/bigger houses,some have the bare minimum.We couldn't care less!! I think I can genuinely say it's never entered my mind as being of any importance.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 18/09/2012 21:21

I'll probably get flamed....

How shitty an area do you mean when you say you live in a shitty area?

Because to be perfectly honest, there are areas that I would prefer my children not to visit really. I wouldn't judge you for living in a shitty area because I can understand how it happens, but thinking of some areas I know of, I wouldnt encourage my children to be friends with children that lived in them.

NellyJob · 18/09/2012 21:24

what slightlyjaded said 100%

LizLemon007 · 18/09/2012 21:26

this is not unusual this kind of privileged, but lacking class behaviour.

My children are with school in a lovely middle class school and some of the other mothers keep me at a distance. I have to laugh really. There is somebody with a title who is lovely to me! it's the nobodyspecials who make a point of keeping you at a distance. I wonder if they think being a single parent with no money is cathcing!

mrsscoob · 18/09/2012 21:28

I only mentioned that you may have been mistaken as I couldn't believe there were such nasty people out there. Unfortunately outraged proved me wrong Sad

LizLemon007 · 18/09/2012 21:30

I don't doubt OP at all!

NellyJob · 18/09/2012 21:30

thinking of some areas I know of, I wouldnt encourage my children to be friends with children that lived in them
why not exactly?

Isabeller · 18/09/2012 21:31

Really sorry you are not happy where you're living OP but fast backwarding almost half a century there was once a young mum of three...

She lived in a council flat, she liked books and tea, she loved her children very much. She did not like doing housework. She welcomed her youngest's friends round as if they were part of the family. He and his friends were a brainy lot and some were already a bit posh and some were not (but nevertheless did rather well for themselves) and she welcomed everyone.

When she was 80 and starting to forget people and things and herself (and still living in a council flat) lots and lots of them came to her birthday party because they remembered her and the welcome and being valued for themselves not what they did or didn't have.

I'm glad I met her.

Hope you don't mind this story Smile

thekidsrule · 18/09/2012 21:31

op you have nothing to be ashamed of

but whatever we say to make you feel better you are still going to feel like crap

horrible horrible women

id be tempted to ask her outright in playground what her problem is

anditwasallyellow · 18/09/2012 21:35

So bloody sorry you had to put up with that shit op.

I live in a housing association house and it wasn't until I started my current job that I have seen such council house snobbery, I feel very lucky in that with my house you wouldn't be able to tell if it was private or council. Everyday all I have to listen to is how people get a 'free house' bla, bla fucking bla. And this is from so called professionals working for childrens services. Best bit of it all is some of them have come from council houses themselves but have ended up being able to buy it or buy somewhere else and suddenly think they are way above everyone else.

The woman is obviously a complete twat and sadly her attitude will rub off on her children. I remember going to a school in a very affluent area and all the kids going on about how they all lived in detached houses, one boy said to me 'I bet you live in a semi detached house', as if it was a bad thing. If only he'd seen the shithole I actually lived in the little twat.

BikingViking · 18/09/2012 21:35

This is the time to adapt that Churchill quote, isn't it? "Well at least I may have the chance one day to live in a lovely house once again, but you will always be a rude bitch" Grin

OP - sorry to hear you're having a crappy time of it (we also live in a small flat, and one of the best things about it, is that weekly cleaning is done very quickly leaving me more time for stuff I want to do)

scottishmummy · 18/09/2012 21:41

why would you discourage friendship if child from particular area freddos
do you think living in council house is contagious,that your kids will catch something...what would you be discouraging exactly
would you really actively avoid a encouraging council area friendship and prefer mc area friendship?

thekidsrule · 18/09/2012 21:41

i believe it goes on,really cant understand people like this

i remember a couple of years ago a women that we both had dc's in same class became chatty over time she learnt i was a single parent of three and knew where i lived

she dropped into the conversation that i must have a private lanlord,when i dropped in that i owned my home outright and had no morgage etc her face was a picture

pure jealous because in her eyes i was a single parent so must be renting and getting housing benefit and al the other expectations some have of a single parent

her face was priceless,we didnt chat much after that

Pumpster · 18/09/2012 21:42

What a bitch. Sad definitely make her squirm.

McHappyPants2012 · 18/09/2012 21:44

I love living where I am, I have lived on this council estate since I was born.

When walking in my local area most people say hello and are very friendly.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 18/09/2012 21:45

Because there are some attitudes and ways of life that I would prefer my children not to be exposed to while they are still young.

Like I said, I wouldn't judge an individual for living in a shitty area, I know and love good people that live in shitty areas, but I still don't want to spend too much time there, and I don't want my children playing out there.

KellyElly · 18/09/2012 21:45

I had that when I was growing up. One mum wouldn't let her daughter play with us 'council house kids'. Very strange.

Lambethlil · 18/09/2012 21:48

Horrid horrid bitch!
OP- please believe me, and everyone else on this thread. She's so not worth another thought.

TroublesomeEx · 18/09/2012 21:50

Oh and OP you get these sorts of attitudes everywhere.

My dad was a police officer my brother was friends with a boy who lived on our road whose dad was an accountant. We lived in a house our parents had bought on the same road as them. But my brother's friend was not actually allowed to play with my brother because he was slumming it as my dad had not been to university!

I had a friend whose dad was a Managing Director she wasn't allowed to be friends with me either.

And yes, in both cases, our dad only being a policeman was the reason for their parents' attitudes because our friends told us!

Nice!

SlightlyJaded · 18/09/2012 21:55

I agree that she is 'not worth it'

But I really believe that she should be called on it. I really do. She deserves to have her small minded snobbery challenged.

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