To feel resenment towards well parents, while we're about to be made homeless

[KinkyGerlinky]

Ok I know that I am likely being unreasonable, thread like this always end up in the OP getting flamed for expecting too much but I am hoping there may be some constructive advice too.

DH and I are 29 and we have 3 young DC. We both worked full time, saved like hell and managed to save up for a deposit just as the housing market locked down. We were still renting when we decided DH should go to uni to get a degree as he hit a glass ceiling at work and just couldn't move any further without one. I became a SAHM because we couldn't afford childcare on my wage alone. We get some housing benefit and pay part of teh rent ourselves. Last week our landlady told us she was selling our rented house (we've lived here for 5 years) and we have 2 months to find somehwere else....

The problem is that now neither DH or I are in full time work landlords won't accept us, the council have said it could take 8 years to get a council house but they are prepared to put us up in a homeless hostel until then... If DH leaves uni and gets a job we will never get a mortgage on his wage (they will lend us 30k if he had a 20k salary...) plus he is just about to start his final year so it would be wasted.

We are just worried sick, meanwhile my parents both own large 4 bed houses and neither have offered any help, aibu to be upset and resentful?

Got a bit of a spanking since I went off to have my tea OP?

Things don't always turn out as you think they will.

OPs living off student loans mostly rather than benefits isn't she?

Maybe some posters are applying their extreme views around the OPs situation, rather than going on what she's said?

My sister is a single parent to a pre-school child and manages to study part-time and work part time, oh and she has MS, I am very sure if you really WANTED to you or both of you could work but that might require a bit more effort !

RE housing:
Landlord required to give two full months notice, e.g. if you pay your rent on the 1st of the month the notice must be served the day before this and then you have two months to leave from when you next pay rent (the next day), if they give you notice for example the 15th of the month it will not start until the 1st of the following month.

When the two months notice expire you are still not required to leave the property by law, if you do not leave the landlord must apply to the court to evict you and you can ask the court for a further 6 weeks to remain,the court will decide if the grant this or not. You will then be sent a court letter telling you of the day you should leave.

After you receive the letter form the court telling you which day to leave you are still not required to leave by law and the landlord has to again apply to the court to get a bailiff to attend the property on a given time and day to evict you- norm another 2-3 weeks after applying.

Hopefully if you stay as long as you can it will give you time for one or both to find work so you can secure housing. or take the homeless accommodation from council and only stay until your dh finishes uni and has a better job. Or ask parents if you can stay with them.

But surely a student loan is only meant to cover the living costs of a single student, not a family of 5!

HB and CTC in a non working household would add to upto quite a bit a year plus no council tax to pay and healthy start vouchers etc and i bet its easily around 50k for three years. Given the services taken out already in benefits plus healthcare and education for 5 then even if they both work full time on high salaries its doubtful they will ever contribute back anywhere near what they hae taken out.

Not many companies will hold a job open whilst a person obtains a degree as degrees are common place nowadays.

I find it a bit worrying that it hadn't occured to the OP or her DH to try getting jobs to assist their current situation before posting on here.

I assume that his degree isn't in any form of financial management...

I'm not sure about all this needing a degree stuff anyway. Almost all the people I know who have left university in the last 5-10 years are struggling to hit £25k, and quite a few are on less than that. I'm not sure the simple fact of having a degree always makes that much difference.

How are they topping up the rent a d having enough to live on if it's not benefits? Are they living off savings? Why not put the savings to better use.

Jenner single parent?? Really? don't think so somehow!

But if that's what they're surviving on squeaky, it's theirs to do with what they want.

It's his money.

No disrespect OP, but why should your husband be studying at university, have three children, and be supported by the State?

happymummy check out the rules just because you recive hb it wont mean no ct to pay you may get a small ammount paid but unless you recive full hb then you wont get full ct benefit. you also are unlikly to get healthy start vouchers unless you recive an actual out of work benefit with no other income coming in.

and get away with the daft services comment or should the op not be able to send her children to school now?

Being a uni student (even full time) does not preclude your DH from working. I worked 21 hours a week during my first degree course, as there were odd afternoons when I didn't have lectures and evenings / weekends.

Choosing to both stop work at the same time seems a very rash decision. My husband and I both work full time with two young children. When I wanted to go back to uni as a mature, I made a conscious decision to do so on a part time basis so we could retain my income (needed to pay tuition fees as well as living expenses). I really don't understand why your husband didn't do the same.

I'm also quite worried about your blind faith that a degree in Business and Management will improve his career prospects and earning potential. Have you not seen how many graduates are queuing up at the job centre just to get a job in Poundland?!

"Being a uni student (even full time) does not preclude your DH from working"

That really depends on the degree. While studying we've sublet rooms to other students, and we've seen a few come and go. I've noticed that there's a massive difference in workload between courses between degrees within the same university even.

My degree is very intense. I managed to achieve a first overall last year and the one before, but it took up every spare moment. I didn't have time to watch a TV program, read a paper or a book for pleasure. I have socialised with friends (and I am including mum friends here, with DS in tow) perhaps once every two months if I'm lucky. DP and I have parented in turns we've had no time for family life.

Where in that would I fit a job? For some of us it's just not possible alnogside being a parent.

girlynut when you were studying and working were you also being a parent? Don't forget that parenting takes time too.

I wouldn't call being forced to move out of privately rented accommodation a "curve ball" given tenants' rights in the UK.

This was an entirely foreseeable event and should have been considered when you decided to have no working adults in your family of 4, and then decided to have another baby.

I'm all for people making sensible use of the benefits they are entitled to, but having both of you give up work at the same time was a stupid, stupid decision that made your family vulnerable.

That vulnerability has led to a situation where a simple thing like being given notice by your landlord could leave you all homeless.

And the responsibility for that is yours, because you made poor decisions that put your children at risk of losing their home.

But you are upset, not with yourself, but with your parents.

You are coming up with excuses why the solution to this problem lies not with you, but must come from somebody else.

You two have 3 small children. I'm genuinely shocked at how utterly irresponsible you both are.

There were so many option for getting a degree that didn't involve both of you giving up work.

I hope he has a cast iron promise to get at least his old job back. I recently advertised for an admin assistant. We received 120+ applications. All graduates, all with at least a 2:1, most with a Master's, all with all As at A level and GCSE . By the time we had weeded out all of those applicants who didn't fit the (very basic) criteria (we didn't ask for a degree), and got rid of those who had spelling and grammatical mistakes in their application letters and CVs (a huge number), we were down to 20. Of these 20 candidates, we shortlisted and interviewed five. I don't quite think a degree in management would have done it for me - our shortlisted candidates all had "traditional" degrees.

Life's tough out there. But I don't think necessarily any tougher than when I started work in the 1980s.

Actually I'm leaving this thread before I start saying what I really think of the inane benefit bashing (that was the polite version).

The OP and her DH should be applauded for studying, it will benefit us all in the long term.

Those of you who can't see that are the ones I worry about, not the OP.

I'm surprised someone has the intelligence to complete a degree would then be stupid enough to put their family in this position

Aufaniae, given that every man and his dog seems to have a degree these days (but can't complete an application form for a job without serious spelling and grammatical mistakes), I am not sure that a degree in management will benefit us all in the long run. I also see graduates with good degrees stuck in dull admin jobs because they are unable to progress.

Its not about benefits aufaniae
Its about being a grown up.

It is possible to obtain a degree whilst working full time. Lots of people do it.

They have children to support. There are TWO of them. Why the hell would they both make themselves unemployed.

It doesnt make sense and now a Bad Thing has happened and they are in a mess.

I want them to be ok. I just wish they had not put themselves into such a vulnerable position in the first place.

WHY would you do that?

If he earns more as a result and/or has wider opportunities which he makes use of then it will benefit us in the long term.

I really don't understand why you both don't work - so claiming housing, council tax, job seekers or whatever and still carried on having children.
I'm a single parent, I would have loved another child, however couldn't afford another. ExDP worked and supported until he left when DS was 3.5. DS went to nursery, I went to work part time, DS went to school, I worked school hours to fit in with him.
It wasn't/isn't easy and I'm lucky because I've never paid for childcare, or claimed money instead of working.
Luck is what you make it. I knew I couldn't afford another child, I knew DS had SEN and I would have to work around him.
I've just finished my foundation degree and about to start the top up. I still do the housework, school run, lunches, dinner etc.
I'm stunned that the government will still pay for two healthy adults to stay home/do degrees instead of working.
What example are you setting for your children?

toss.

If he was a plumber or a brickie it would benefits us in the long term.
Degrees are not the fecking holy grail.

Do you think I'm not a grownup because DH and I are both studying full-time with a DS and another on the way, I wonder?

I think you are a dumbass if you have put your DCs in a vulnerable position through choice.

Managed to run a business, teach full time and bring up two children aged 2 and 4 while also doing an MEd. No social life, no telly and only course related books. My DH was very supportive but also worked full time and shared the running of the business (a hotel). Sounds as if you could easily continue to improve your potential future without jeopardising the present. Surely, in the long run, your DH will be more employable if he works and gets a degree. Also, if you ever decide to work full time again you would be better having had at least some contact with the world of work. It is tough out there. You need to learn to help yourselves and not expect others to help you, parents included. In the long run you will benefit far more from not being dependent on anyone or on the state.

I would LOVE a plumber, brickie, handyman that turned up Mrs DeVere!
Maybe they all have degrees and my postcode isn't right?!