To feel resenment towards well parents, while we're about to be made homeless

[KinkyGerlinky]

Ok I know that I am likely being unreasonable, thread like this always end up in the OP getting flamed for expecting too much but I am hoping there may be some constructive advice too.

DH and I are 29 and we have 3 young DC. We both worked full time, saved like hell and managed to save up for a deposit just as the housing market locked down. We were still renting when we decided DH should go to uni to get a degree as he hit a glass ceiling at work and just couldn't move any further without one. I became a SAHM because we couldn't afford childcare on my wage alone. We get some housing benefit and pay part of teh rent ourselves. Last week our landlady told us she was selling our rented house (we've lived here for 5 years) and we have 2 months to find somehwere else....

The problem is that now neither DH or I are in full time work landlords won't accept us, the council have said it could take 8 years to get a council house but they are prepared to put us up in a homeless hostel until then... If DH leaves uni and gets a job we will never get a mortgage on his wage (they will lend us 30k if he had a 20k salary...) plus he is just about to start his final year so it would be wasted.

We are just worried sick, meanwhile my parents both own large 4 bed houses and neither have offered any help, aibu to be upset and resentful?

"He's planning on going back to the company he worked for pre-degree, he did really well there but couldn't move further without a degree - or being in the same role for teh next 20 years"

bullshit.

TheCalmingManatee - Rofl!

squeakytoy - umm, no it's not actually

I actually think there is a lot wrong with 2 healthy adults choosing to give up their jobs to do degrees aufaniae.

I am, like I said earlier, looking at losing my DLA because of the benefits bill. People who are terminally ill are being sent to work because of the benefits bill. But fit, healthy adults can just give up work, have their families supported because they want to do a degree? Well fit it in around your work then, or do it one at a time!

'oh, people do make me laugh - "you should get a job!" "your dh should get a job" ..............."of course he probably wont be able to get a job when he leaves uni" make your minds up folks, whats it to be'

Manatee, I was not denying that he would get a job after completing his degree, just that it might not be the pot of gold that many graduates expect.

If he's a full time student he can work evenings & weekends

That's what mist students have to do nowadays never mind the ones with 3 kids to support!

Op.... You do know that there ate plenty if people on jobseekers allowance with degrees don't you?? They do not mean as much these days

Also, why did you have a third child whilst in this predicament?

And also, what on earth do you expect your parents to actually do??

If I were you I would look for a pt job,evenings or even nights whilst your dh is home,then other Lls would be more inclined to rent to you with a wage coming in.

If you don't mind me asking you what have you been doing with yourself in the days? I would go stir crazy.

Have his old company promised him a job, guaranteed?
Could he go back and work pt for them?

The sad thing is had the op stayed in work herself with her dh looking after the dc then she might have found by now that her wage was worth it. Not to mention pensions etc.

Coconutty - Business and management, ironically

'But fit, healthy adults can just give up work, have their families supported because they want to do a degree? Well fit it in around your work then, or do it one at a time! '

Tuttu, what is it to you if someone's family support them when they do a degree?

They got student loans, too.

...this will make them better contributors to society than if they hadn't bothered.

aufaniae - how much do you think someone would have to earn to pay back enough tax in to cover 3 years of a family of 5 living on benefits?

At an estimate of £50k in benefits over the 3 years, someone would have to work for 25 years earning £30k/yr to pay £50k more in tax than they would have done on £20k/yr.

So which benefits do you both claim?

It is bullshit. You are trying to tell us someone said he could only do the job he wants with 20 years experience or just walk into it with a degree... I dont think so somehow.

If you're dh is guaranteed a job at his old place I'd swallow your pride & ask your parents if you can live with them

It'll only be for 10 months as uni finishes in June

Then with his first months pay check you can find somewhere to rent again

Could he not have done his degree pt whilst still working for his employer?

You need to look at getting full time work.
You've made choices in your lives- to have 3 kids by the age of 29 and for both of you to stop working. Many people would consider that unrealistic, and would wait before having kids, or space their family out so childcare costs were feasible, or would wait until the kids are all at school before going off to uni.

You can't expect your parents to bail you out now- you're adults. Get realistic and work out a way to support yourselves. It might mean combining work with uni, or your dh deferring studies for a while, or taking a hit with the childcare costs and both of you getting back to work. These are all things plenty of people do all the time.

ShellyBoobs - there is no way we have received 50k in benefits, that is just crazy! However if we were both to have continued in low paid jobs we would get child and working tax credits as well as some housing benefit if we didn't manage to get onto the housing ladder

Expat you missed the point. I object to 2 healthy, fit adults giving up work and having their families supported by the state, because they choose to!

I'm a single mum.
I work full time.
I'm studying full time for my MA after completing 7 years with the OU whilst working full time.
I also do volunteer work so that I have the experience that I need for my chosen career.

It's hard. I have no social life. We haven't had a proper holiday in years.

Between the two of you surely you can work and earn enough money to make sure your husband finishes his course and you keep a roof over your heads.

Not sure what your parents have to do with this. The responsibility to keep your family safe and secure is yours and your husbands. Not the state and not your parents.

t

Seriously why cant he do his final year part time ?